Legolas' Inbox by KeeperofEowynsSword
Legolas’ Inbox: Trouble Brews
By: KeeperofEowynsSword
Summary: A peek at Legolas’ inbox! Rated PG-13 due to a suggestion from this site.
A/N: This story is disclaimed. I’m debating whether or not I should continue with this. That depends on whether you readers like it or not. If you do, try to find the time to write a review so I can start writing more! If I offend anyone with this, and I don’t see how but you never know, then I am really sorry and this was written purely for fun, and inspired by Lady of Imladris’ Aragorn’s Inbox and Klose’s Galadriel’s Inbox. If anyone else has posted a Legolas’ Inbox then I haven’t seen it. I hope you all like this ‘story’!
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Help!
Legolas,
I need your help. My father is throwing a party. If the call for help has not explained itself in the last sentence, let me educate you. My father (Glóin, as you might recall) has a tendency to supply lots of mead at his parties, whether they are “formal gatherings” or not. As you can imagine, this leads to drunk, unconscious Dwarves littering the palace the morning after. Do you have any ideas how I can worm my way out of attending the party? It’s in two weeks.
-Gimli
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Please help me!
You’ve known Elladan and Elrohir longer than I have. Therefore, you must have some idea of how to deal with them (because it’s too much to ask how to tame them). The reason I am typing this is because they are paying a weeklong visit to Gondor, which is bound to be infested with practical jokes of all nature, humiliating me everywhere in front of everyone. Do you have any ideas to keep me alive during their visit? It’s in one and a half weeks.
-Strider, Aragorn, Estel, you pick which
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: I LUV U!
LEGOLAS! OMG i got ur email adres!!!!! u r SOOOOOOOOO HOT!!!! can u go out w/ me? plez? i luv u so much!!!!! u r the best warier of tha felloship!!!!!!!! like, plez go out w/ me!!!!!!!!!!! luv Danielle ur #1 fangurl!!!!!!
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Read this immediately
Legolas,
If Estel has e-mailed you recently then don’t answer him or read the e-mails, okay? We’ll explain after we return from Gondor- we’re leaving in a few days.
See you,
Elladan and Elrohir
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: CALL ME!!!!
LEGOLAS YOU ARE SO SEXY! GO OUT WITH ME! MY PHONE NUMBER IS 817-302-4114! CALL ME!
Love, Alexandria
P.S. I LOVE YOU!
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Thanks!
Thank you so much for offering to come to Gondor with Gimli. I need your protection. This is great, now we have the Three Hunters vs. The Two Twins Sent Personally From Hell to Ruin Estel’s Life. I am eternally in your debt.
Most sincere thanks,
-Strider (you did pick Strider right?)
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Are you sure about this?
Legolas,
Are you sure that it’s a good idea to assist Aragorn in the war against (hold on, let me find the copy and paste feature) The Two Twins Sent Personally From Hell to Ruin Estel’s Life? I doubt that it will be good for my Dwarven image when I come back as a waterlogged, paint-covered Dwarf with his beard chopped off. Insurance doesn’t cover even the most severe pranks, you know. Then again, it will get me out of the Lonely Mountain so I can miss my father’s party. The other Dwarves will probably be too drunk to notice the state that I come back in from my trip. Maybe it is a good idea after all.
-Gimli
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Have you gone mad?
Dear Legolas,
Estel told me you were coming to his aid sometime next week. I have one question for you: ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND!? You honestly do not know what my brothers are capable of. They’ve pulled every joke in the book, including ones that are rated NC-4,000. They’ll even go as far as to soak your bed sheets (no matter what material they’re made out of) with freezing cold water before you go to bed. It’s happened. To me. Beware: lock your doors at night. May the Valar protect you.
Sincerely,
Arwen
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Be mine!
My dearest Legolas,
Over the months I’ve tormented myself- never able to tell you how I feel, to express my feelings and emotions in a letter to you. But now, the angst is over- I know your e-mail address!
Here are my deepest thoughts:
Your eyes light up my world.
The Sun itself must stream unceasingly upon your face- ever is youth and beauty there.
Oh Legolas, I would go on, forever, but my insolent brother desires the computer, and my father has granted his request. I love you, Legolas. Please, be mine. I would never betray you.
Love,
Crystal
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: 40% off all cruises to the Grey Havens!
Hurry! That time of year is swiftly waning- 40% off all cruises to the Grey Havens! From there, if you desire, an additional 20% off all ships to Valinor! Make haste and book a trip- this offer will be gone in 30 mortal days!
Society of Special Elven Offers
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Beware
Legolas,
Arwen spilled the beans. We hope that as the prince of Mirkwood you have a healthy insurance because you are going to need it!
See you,
Elladan and Elrohir
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: I’m really sorry!
Dear Legolas,
I told Elladan and Elrohir that you were going to help Estel. They changed my e-mail password and wouldn’t tell me what the new one was. (It turned out to be PornLover.) You can see why I had to bribe them.
Sorry,
Arwen
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Marry me!
Legolas, Legolas, Legolas! Just hearing your name makes me smile and my heart skips a beat. I love you, in case you haven’t noticed. Please marry me- the first step is to respond and pledge your undying love.
Sincerely,
Kendall Tyler
To: Legolas
From: haldir@lady’sguard.org
Subject: Forward
Hi all,
Pretty good forward that my brother Orophin sent me. Ilúvatar alone knows it’s purpose, but it should be fun. Copy and paste the questions onto another e-mail, type the greeting of your choice, and answer the questions and send it along.
1. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING? How to Deal When the Movies Want You Dead by Dead Elf Number 4,548.
2. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Lembas.
3. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? No time to think, I have to report to the guard.
4. ARE YOU AFRAID TO ASK SOMEONE OUT? Not really, I guess.
5. STORMS: SCARY OR COOL? Entertaining, especially when you get to watch your brothers scream like women after sneaking up on them and screaming in their ear.
6. LAST MOVIE YOU SAW IN A THEATER? Peter Jackson Wants YOU Dead- a really scary horror movie by the way.
7. HOW MANY PALANTÍRI DO YOU OWN? Three, one each for me, Rúmil, and Orophin, but we never answer when it rings.
8. HOW MUCH FAN MAIL HAVE YOU RECEIVED THIS WEEK? 4,708 letters and counting- they’re clogging up my inbox! Beware of any e-mails from the domain ‘fangurlz.net’. Arwen, Galadriel, you too need to watch out for e-mails from ‘[email protected]’.
9. DO YOU LIKE TO RIDE FAST ON A HORSE? Yes, what’s the point otherwise?
10. WHAT IS/ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLOR(S)? Green, brown, and silver.
11. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? No… what kind of question is that?
12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SONG? Kill the Director, performed by Dead Elf Number 4,808.
13. HAVE YOU EVER HAD A GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND? Nope. But I’ve heard rumors about some Éowyn chick- anyone know her e-mail address?
14. WHAT IS YOUR PREFERRED WEAPON? Bow, obviously.
15. HOW OLD ARE YOU? Tolkien never recorded my age so I forgot it; maybe a little older than Legolas perhaps.
16. DO YOU GET A LOT OF E-MAIL? Yeah, three-fourths of it is spam and/or letters from terrifying, sick fan girls.
17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPORT? Hunting Orcs.
18. SAY ONE GOOD THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU. He doesn’t have a twin.
19. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK? Water, fresh from the river.
20. DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS? Yes, my two brothers Rúmil and Orophin.
-Haldir
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Hot, sexy singles in your area!
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To: Legolas
From: [email protected]
Subject: One slight problem
You are in trouble. Elladan and Elrohir found out about your visit. It would be a good idea to bring a crash helmet and wear it often- remember, this is for your own safety. Legolas, I’m sure Arwen warned you about keeping your doors locked at night (it’s probably best to lock them during the day too)- did she tell you about the bed sheet incident? Gimli, the bed sheet incident was when our two darling twins soaked her bed sheets with freezing, ice-cold water right before she got into bed. This was back in Rivendell, before I was born, so I never saw it, but just the thought… ugh. Bring a crash helmet! Have a healthy insurance! Remember, this is for your own protection!
-Aragorn
NO FURTHER MESSAGES
91 Comments
yuo should definitly make more. this is hillarious!!!!
mooore! i need mooore! It was really great 🙂
Wow! This story is so cool! Please do write more! It’s for the good of fan-fiction-fans you know!
This was great I can’t wait for the next one. Problem is I was writting one two. 🙁 Can I still write mine? let me know.
This was oh so cute! I want more! I most especially liked the forwrd Haldir sent to everybody. I think you should also add an out box or sent folder or whatever just something so we can see Legolas’ reaction to some of these!
LOL! That was FUNNY! i loved it !
LOL! that was SOOOOO funny!
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE WRITE MORE!
Seriously, they’re very well written, and funny. Keep writing!
This is wau funny. i really enjoyed it.
*raises eye brow and grins widely* More!!! I loved the Haldir one!!!! Very amusing.
Nuav
That was funny! I’ll follow everyone else. Write more!
Loved it… please write more!!!
HA HA HA! LOL LOL LOL! Do not stop! This is so funny!
very cute! i hope there is a portion about legolas’ replies!
i love it!!! write more, there really funney
Lots of fun to read. You’ve got a GREAT imagination! I’ve said before I love to read (books, cereal boxes, t-shirts, bill boards you name it, I read it) I loved the books and they gave me more of what the characters were like but your humor gives some more to enjoy. Write more and I WILL READ IT! I can almost hear the characters in my head as I read them.
that was great! i loved all of it(except for the porn lover thing) make more! make more!
BigAl
these are funny! please write more!
i like the haldir thing w/ the stuff about him dying in the movie 🙂
I LOVE that inbox!!!!!!! Very clever, and entertaining. If you get good ratings, please write more if you have time. I would espesically like to read about what happenes to Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli when they visit Elledan, and Elohir.
Thanks!
Midnightlego13
lol. might as well continue, perhaps making his responses…i dunno, i’m not good at humor and parody, i do action het and angst…
OMG! LOLOLOLOLOLOL! WRITE MORE PLEAAAASE! SPECIALLY BOUT WHAT HAPPENS TO LEGOLAS AND THE WAR WITH THE TWINS SENT PERSONALLY FROM HELL! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Nice, keep the funnies coming!
This is really cool! (Is this Anolinde from fanfic.net?)
I really want you to continue! Thanks!
I was reading through some old reviews on ff.net and saw the one from you about spam.middle.earth. I decided to read Legolas’ Inbox but I couldn’t find it Then I looked on your bio and saw it had been removed so I read it here.
This story is really cool! Please write more. I don’t know why it was removed. Why would Haldir’s forwards get it removed?
Anyways write more!
*huggles*
Lady of Imladris
ROTFLOL!!! I always wondered what kind of e-mail lLegolas would have! Cool.
fun fun fun!!! do more! LoL
Great! Keep it up! The more you write …the more I get to read. I especially like the part ‘The two Twins From Hell…. loved it! -Misfit
this is great! i must admit that i came on looking for slash besides the Very Secret Diaries (which i’ve already read and rock), but this is fantastic! i luv the spam, you should mention hair care spam somewhere. i suggest some kind of minor story line going off, an affair or something. but this story RULES!!! KEEP IT COMING!!! two thumbs WAY way up!!
ROTFWTIME !!!! ( Rolling On The Floor With Tears In My Eyes !! ) Hey ! That’s almost as complicated as ” The Two Twins Sent Personally From Hell to Ruin Estel’s Life” !!!! (BTW , I loved that !! ) Keep up the awesome work !!!
I really like this story….it’s one of the best
LMAO! Keep going, cause this is funny! :d
Haha that’s a funny story! Only found one thing wrong Legolas is 2,937 years old not 2,931.Not far off though. I’ve just gotten too obsessed w/ LotR/elves/Legolas…Sometimes I scare myself…
*claps and bows* You did an excellent job! Keep it up!!!
Absolutely hilarious. I hope you make more. perhaps after L and G’s visit to Gondor to see A&A
Good job!!
This is really funny! especially the fangirls parts 😀
That was so funny! I laughed so hard I started crying. The bad thing was though I was eating when I started reading this so I was choking at the same time! It was still really funny. Thanks for providing the COE with such great humor. I can’t wait for the thrid chapter.
Julie
AHAHAHAHAHHA… finally. it is here. somebody has time to put that up.
GOLD work. just GOLD.
The emails and the replies were absolutely wonderful! It would be so awesome if you continued with the story concerning the visit to Gondor.
PLEASE MAKE MORE inboxes with other characters! Maybe ALL of the Fellowship (and by “ALL” I’m implying Boromir included, but no pressure mate.)
I really, really like this story. Please update soon! I wanna know what happens!!!!
~Elf_Maiden
Oooooo! Use my name! I’ll e-mail Legolas! I’m a crazy fangirl! 🙂
its not bad
That is so funny! I think it is so much like his inbox would be:)
why the hell is this rated pg-13??? ITS HILARIOUS!!!!!!
HEHEHE I want 2 no wat happens at the weekend. PLEASE DO MORE!!!! PPLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSEE!
OMG! That was probably one of the single funniest things I have ever read! Keep it up and I will keep reading! Maybe not so many from the obsessed fangirls, though. We got the point on the first couple.
LOL!!! That was great!! Keep going!!
Please write more!
Ha ha ha ha ha!!!!
I loved it!
yay *does a little dance* how funny!
LOL!!!I LOVE THIS STORY!!!
these are great! and the fangurlz are so funny! please do more! you are very creative and have a unique gift of writing. I love it!
this is very cool! i think u found an original idea, have never seen another like this 🙂 good work and update soon!
OH SO FUNNY!!!! YOU HAVE TO WRITE MORE!!!!!!!!!! PLEEEEEEEEASE!!! Your story is great especially the haldir questionier part. he he
That was so funny! haha! Could you write replys 4 the 2nd batch of letters too?
oh and to iluvdolphins 2003 there is great speculation on his age but orlando himself said legolas is 2,931 oh and great story
Omg, this is hillarious. I showed it to all my lotr obsessed friends. I know you haven’t updated in a while, but please do. It’s so funny. I even copied and pasted the thing Haldir sends everybody, filled it out, and sent it to my friends.
I think this is a really entertaining story. Will there be more?
HA! This is hilarious!!!! love the whole Peter Jackson anf Haldir thing. And ofcourse the crazy fangirsl! it reminds me so much of a friend i have(crazy-leggy-girl) you have no idea!!! i was laughing my ass of… its so her!:P keep it up, girl! Im addicted…! *hugs*
This fic rox!!!!! I love the fangurl exterminater bit. So funny! Please write more*does puppy eyes*
Yay! You updated. I liked that Legolas laughed at the fangirl stuff this time, because the buckets of puke thing was kinda gross. Please do more Haldir email!
Tres amusant. Is it all right if I use that forwarding thing in my emails – I’d tell the source. It’s very creative. Do more!
Your story was so funny! You are a talented, creative writer! You have to write another chapter!
*cracks up* OMFG, that’s soo funny! poor Legolas, poor Gimli, pour Aragorn, ha ha ha ha! *dies laughing* now that was good *two thumbs up*
hi 🙂 I love this fic, especially the characterisations ! They’er both funny and refreshing !
Please write more!
I just read the whole thing. I love it! I hope you write more, it’s one of the funniest things I’ve ever read.
I really enjoy your fanfic. I especially like the communications between Estel, Elladan, Elrohir, and Legolas. Hope to hear more soon.
lol please continue!
I loved the emails. Talk about laughing out loud!! I can’t wait to read the replies concerning the trip to Rivendell. Haldir’s forwards remind me of a friend of mine who does that all the time! Crazy!!! Keep up the great work on these.
lol this stuff is so funny every single girl in my school is a “elven substance abuser” so this stuff makes me crack up good stuff man keep writing!
This was a hilarious story!! I love it!!!””””applauses””””
Omy god that is like sososososososososososo funny! I love the forwards! Plz do more!!
Um, I’m not so good at reviews, but…I LOVED READING THIS! The Two Twins Sent Personally From Hell to Ruin Estel’s Life was especially funny:D Can’t wait for the next chapter!
I like this story! My friends and i read it all the time because it’s so funny!( My friends aren’t members so they shoulder read it) Good job! 😀
I like this story! My friends and i read it all the time because it’s so funny!( My friends aren’t members so they shoulder read it) Good job! 😀
I just finished reading all of the Leggy’s inbox e-mails. They were pretty funny. I think that the fangirl letters (& Leggy’s responses 2 them, laughing himself silly or getting sick) was the funniest thing I ever read. Some of those nuts were pretty obsessive. And Haldir and those random forwards! PLEASE write some more!!!!!!
Ha ha, very funny. Love the part about the tins being practical jokers!
this is really funny.. i love the fangirls’ letters!! not that I would ever do such a thing.. (is this a valid e-mail adress?!?!?)
This is really funny so far… I just about wet my pants laughing at some of the stuff, especially the fangurlz. Please keep writing!
i absolutely love it! LOL!
please keep writing!
Awwww…that aint the last chapter is it? Its brill; I nearly fell off my seat from laughing so much. Will you write any more inbox’s? For any character, cuz uve got a great sense of humour! Keep those inbox’s coming =P P.S I have noticed that uve already included someones name on request into the fan mails…if you do another legolas inbox, can you include my name? Ta x
So funny! Really good!
One question- why does Haldir’s brother look like orli? could you possibly name a fangirl mia or zoe?
That was reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeely good and reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeely funny. Please DO NOT put in any fangirls with the names mia or zoe. Thanks!
Sorry bout all the reviews . I still love your story! That was my friend in the last review. she didn’t want me using my name(s) for a fangirl, because she claims she’s more devoted
Sorry bout all the reviews . I still love your story! That was my friend in the last review. she didn’t want me using my name(s) for a fangirl, because she claims she’s more devoted to leg. feel free to use mia or zoe. sorry to bother you! 😀
hey loved this chao
if u need another thingy for haldir here u go
+ Known as:
+ Shoe size:
+ Hair color:
+ Eye color:
+ Style:
+ Fears:
SECTION 2: HAVE YOU EVER…
+ Fallen off the bed?:
+ Fallen for a relative?:
+ Broke someone’s heart?:
+ Had your heart broken?:
+ Had a dream come true?:
+ Done something you regret?:
+ Cheated on a test?:
SECTION 3: CURRENTLY…
+ Wearing?:
+ Listening to?
+ Reading?:
+ Located?:
+ Chatting with?:
+ Watching?:
+ Should REALLY be doing?:
SECTION 4: DO YOU…
+ Brush your teeth?:
+ Have any piercings?:
+ Drive?:
+ Believe in Santa Claus?:
+ Drink?:
+ Got a cellphone?:
+ Got a pager?:
SECTION 5: FRIENDS…
+ Who is your best?:
+ Who do you hate?:
+ Who is the shyest?:
+ Who is the most talkative?:
+ Who is the cutest?:
+ Who laughs the most?:
+ Who have you known the longest?:
+ Who have you known the shortest?:
+ Who do you miss the most?:
+ Do you hang out with the opposite sex:
+ Do you trust your friends?:
SECTION 6: THE LAST PERSON YOU…
+ IMed?:
+ Talked to on the phone?:
+ Yelled at?:
+ Fell in love with?:
SECTION 7: PERSONAL…
+ What do you want to be when you grow up?:
+ Best day:
+ Worst Day: A
+ Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush?:
+ What do you usually think about before you go to bed?:
+ Did you lose someone you really loved?:
+ How many times have you fallen deeply in love?
+ Love your family?:
+ Love your friends?:
SECTION 8: FAVORITE…
+ Movies:
+ Song:
+ Group:
+ Singers:
+ Store:
+ Relative:
+ Sport:
+ Ice Cream Flavor:
+ Fruit:
+ Candy:
+ Day of the Week:
+ Time:
+ Color:
+ Name for a Girl:
+ Name for a Boy:
SECTION 9: DO YOU…
+ Like to give hugs?:
+ Like to give kisses?:
+ Like to walk in the rain:
+ Prefer black or blue pens?:
+ Like to travel?:
Sleep on your side?:
+ Think you’re attractive?:
+ Have a goldfish?:
+ Ever have the falling dream?:
+ Have stuffed animals
SECTION 10: THIS OR THAT…
+ Pierced nose or tongue?:
+ Single or taken?:
+ MTV or BET?:
+ 7th Heaven or Dawson’s Creek?:
+ Sugar or salt?:
+ Silver or gold?:
+ Chocolate or flowers?:
+ Color or Black-and-white photos?:
+ M&M’s or Skittles?:
+ Stay up late or sleep in?:
+ Hot or cold?:
+ Sun or moon?:
+ Left or Right?:
+ 10 Acquaintances or one best friend?:
+ Mustard or ketchup?:
+ Spring or Fall?:
+ Happy or sad?:
+ Wonder or amazement?:
+ McDonald’s or Burger King?:
+ Mexican or Italian food?:
+ Lights on or off?:
+ Candy or soda?:
+ Pepsi or Coke?:
please write more!! 5 stars al the way
lol, really good
Dare I call this…absolutely hilarious? This is great! I really enjoy this! When will the next one come out? *pouts* I wanna know!!!!!!!
This is amazing – please post more!
I love everything you put into this it is sooo funny! Makes me laugh every time i read it! I do like legolas but it’s hilarious to see the fangirl emails,…you should make it where he finally goes over the top and replies yelling at one of them…lol srry that just came into mind
alrite, ive read through them all and i absolutely LOVE THEM!!!
if i were a pesky fangirl of saurons evil creation i would send yo a review saying how “like HOTT ur storeez r!!!!” haha! ill absolutley send ANY forwards i find that could be used for haldir!!
PS, legolas does have siblings. i believe hes the youngest of three brothers.
PM me so i can share some ideas i have!
“Aerith_the_Autumn_Elf”
thanks so much for making my day!!!
–Aerith
(Legolas’ love interest)–(no really!!! im going to submit a VERY convincing story on it!!) (haha! kidding)