The Eye News:

Paul Harvey is Live at the scene:

Local Star tries for part!

Today we’ve come upon a very touching story of two contestants auditioning for a hobbit (Frodo) , and the the part of the White noble steed that Arwen makes her escape on. Joining me, Paul Strider, we have two very famous visitors. The first, who’s name is Shrek. When he made his first big hit, called: Shreck, he captured the hearts of millions. He decided to continue his career auditioning for the hobbit named Frodo. Joining him is Donkey, his–sidekick– if you will. Before i introduce them, let’s go to the phones. Yes! Ray, you’re on the air with Paul Strider!

Ray: Yes, i just think this is some kind of joke, I mean, you’re pulling our leg, right?

Paul: Why, No, why would i do that?

Ray: Cause–Donkey can’t play the noble steed even more than Shrek can play Frodo.

Paul: Why not? Why are we so big on type-casting in America that we can’t just cut a guy some slack?

Ray: Uh, duh wise guy, cause he looks more like an Orc!

Paul: But his heart is that of courageous Frodo!

Ray: Like we care. A ringwraith might have the heart of Sam, but you sure don’t want change “Sam, the faithful” to “Ringwraith, the faithful!”

Paul: goodbye.

Paul: moving on!

Paul: give it up for Sha-reck and his semi-noble steed!!!

Donkey: whach you talkin’ ’bout Semi? I am all the way a noble steed!

Shreck: Ya, ahnd yourr talkin’ to the next Frrrodo Baggins of the shirre! I’m taking on the Dark Lord the way i took on Miss dragon over there…and look at her now! All tame!(chuckles Shreckfully)

Donkey: Uh, that wasn’t cause of you, Shreck, it was cause i am so noble and attractive.

Paul: That’s the spirit! So tell us why you think you could be a good Frodo!

Shreck: It’s all in the eyes, see, i don’t know if you knew i could do this, but i can do the whole big-eye heart melting thing. See? (he makes a scared expression that is the “spittin’ image” of Frodo’s. It melts our hearts, in a…different sort of way)

Paul: Well, wow, we are gonna introduce you to Mr. Peter Jackson real soon! In fact, here he comes now!

Paul: so, Mr. jackson, what do you think of our new and famous auditioners?

Jackson: Well…(looking at Shreck and Donkey) We could cast you as a cave troll, saving us thousands in computer graphics.

Donkey: Hey, I know I’m scary, but–

Shreck: Donkey, let me dew th’ talking. He was talking abowt me as the Cave Troll (shudders)

Mr. Jackson: And you, Shreck, we could cast you as…well…

(Harvey cuts in )

Harvey: That wasn’t live, so i can tell you that Shreck was to help with the directing, mostly dealing with the Pippins and Merrys of the bunch, and getting the coffee out of the microwave for our short but talented director. Donkey was put to use carrying supplies to the sites in New Zealand. He later said to one of our crew: “This country is wonderful, and I’ll never go back. I hope to get one of those smooth accents like Shreck too!” So even though Shreck didn’t get to play Frodo, in the end he admitted he wanted a simple life anyway. But then again, that was before he met Galadriel.

Goodnight, and for all of my fans, I’m Harvey J. Bany. I’ll also be coming up with the weather! Goodnight….Arkansas!!