Lord Of The Rodents…Part Two!!! Yay…
By Rachieachie

We pick up where we left off, the Landing. The mice & Strider are about to leave…

Barliman: Ahem… You stayed overnight? Cough up.

Strider hands him some lentils.

Barliman: You know it’s extra for guests staying in your room.
Strider: What? They weren’t guests! I was trying to stop them being stabbed to a messy pulp!
Barliman: Ah yes, thank you for reminding me. Their beds have been completely ripped to pieces.
Merry: Phew, lucky we weren’t in them then, eh?
Barliman: Well…yes, I suppose so. We don’t want the detectives round here again. However, there is the small matter of paying for new mattresses, pillows, sheets etcetera.
Frodo: *whispers to Pippin* did he actually just say etcetera?
Pippin: *shrugs*

Meanwhile Strider is arguing with Barliman…

Strider: This is totally unreasonable!
Barliman: If you won’t pay I’ll have to call the authorities sir.
Strider: All right fine hang on, I know my wallet’s here somewhere… RUN!!

They all run. Barliman is left, shouting after them.

Pippin: Phew, we sure outsmarted him huh?
Strider: Don’t get too cocky. We are about to enter… *swallows*
Frodo: The Twilight Zone?
Sam: The Midgewater Marshes?
Merry: A dark dark cave?
Pippin: *hopefully* Mushroom Land?

All look at him.

Pippin: Hey, a mouse can dream, can’t he?
Strider: …No, it’s much worse than all those things put together. It’s… Little Brother’s Room.
Mice: *GASP!* Not Little Brother’s Room!
Strider: Yes. Only the bravest go in there. That is our road.

Bravely they go in.

Strider: Quick, in here.

They run into the airing cupboard, just barely missing an old banana skin, an empty yoghurt pot and some greying socks. The ground rumbles…

Frodo: What is this new devilry?
Strider: Hey, you don’t say that! And it’s not till later anyway.
Frodo: How do you know that?
Strider: Erm…I…well…anyway, back to the mysterious rumbling.

Suddenly there is a booming voice…

Voice: COME ON PETE.
Strider: That’s Little Brother.
Merry: Oh no, not good.
Frodo: Anyone have any spare shorts?

They all look at him.

Frodo: Just in case. *in a deep voice* Not that I ever do that…ahem…
Voice: DO YOU WANT TO GO ON THE N64 OR THE GAME BOY?
2nd Voice: HOW ABOUT A RACING GAME?
Strider: That’s Little Brother’s friend, Peter.
Frodo: How do you know that?
Strider: Eh, I get around. Anyway, this could be dangerous. Now there’s two of them. The results if they both take the shoes off won’t be pretty. Let’s go. There must be another way around.

They scuttle out. The sounds of a computer game boom after them. They scamper along until they come to the Telephone.

Strider: This was the great Telephone of Amon Sul.
Sam: Looks more like a telephone on an old bedside table to me.
Strider: That’s not important. Rest here. I’m going to explore…not pick flowers…no, I’m not into flower arranging, who said I was, do you think I am, well I’m not, why would you think that huh?
Merry: We didn’t say anything.
Strider: Yes, well, don’t make any phone calls, ok? The Enemy could be listening.
Frodo: You really think we’d be that stupid?

As soon as Strider leaves…

Pippin: Let’s order pizza.
Others: Ok.

Brring brring…

Phone: Hello, Pepe’s Pizza Palace, how can I help you?
Frodo: Hi, we’d like six, ok ok, seven pizzas, delivered to this telephone.
Phone: AHA! NOW WE’VE GOT YOU!

Dialling tone.

Frodo: Hmm, prompt & cheerful service.
Merry: Um, Frodo… *points over Frodo’s shoulder*

Nine cockroaches – very large cockroaches – are crawling up the table in perfect unison.

Frodo: Eep! Ok, I could use those spare shorts now…
Mice: *SQUEAK!!*

They try to hide behind the telephone. This fails miserably…a cockroach reaches out to Frodo, trying to reach the seed. Frodo (quick thinking as always…?) pulls it out into full view & takes a bite. Great, now the cockroaches can see him. Just peachy. He hides the seed behind him. The cockroach is very annoyed. It bites him.

Frodo: *LOUD SQUEAK*

Suddenly…Hooray, Strider is back! And what’s this? He has bug spray!

Strider: Eat Insect-Away, vile dust-munchers! Ha ha!

The cockroaches scuttle away, screeching. The mice applaud Strider.

Strider: No, no, please, it was nothing…Oh, who am I kidding, I ROCK! Right, what’s the damage?
Sam: Mr. Frodo got bit.
Strider: No no, bitten.
Sam: Bit.
Strider: No, bitten, trust me, I’m a gerbil. Ok, better get him to the Bathroom I guess.
Merry: Well, that’s convenient. It’s just around that corner.
Strider: How did you know that?
Merry: I went & had a look.

Frodo sits up abruptly.

Frodo: What?! You mean I was in mortal danger & you were off looking for the Bathroom?!
Merry: Well, actually, Mr. Snooty, I was looking for some shorts for you.
Frodo: *embarrased* Merry, not in front of Strider!
Strider: *sniggers* Come on, let’s go.

After a surprisingly short space of time they arrive at the Bathroom. Merry starts swaying from side to side.

Strider: What’s up?
Merry: Dizzy…
Pippin: Yeah, what’s with all the black & white tiled squares? They’re making me hallucinate, big talking tree man.
Strider: Weird… Anyway I’m sure you’ll find your way around fine, I have a pressing social engagement.

He walks off, smoothing his fur down.

Frodo: Come on, let’s go explore.
Sam: Err, Mr. Frodo? Don’t you think we should see someone about that fatal wound of yours?
Frodo: Oh yeah, I guess so. *sighs* Come on then guys.

They all troop off. The scene switches to Elrond, the big cheese (excuse the pun) of the Bathroom. He sees Strider.

Elrond: *thinks* Oh, so he dared show his face around here again, eh? We’ll see what he thinks when I’ve finished with him. Heh heh…
Strider: *thinks* Uh oh, there’s Elrond. *swallows* Hi…
Elrond: You’ve got some nerve.
Strider: *starts sweating* Er, well, you see, I’ve, er, there’s these mice, you see, and, er, we’ve, er, we’ve got this seed, and, er, well, one of them got bit, I mean bitten, er, and, I thought, what with you superior intelligence & all, you might, er, be able to, er, help us?
Elrond: Oh yeah, that’s what they all say. You came to see my daughter.
Strider: No, no, of course I didn’t.
Elrond: Oh, so you’re saying she’s not good enough for you?
Strider: No, er, I mean yes, ER, I mean no, no…
Elrond: Fine. Whatever. This is the One seed we’re talking about, right?
Strider: Yes, I think so…er…yes…
Elrond: Right. Well, Arwen’s over behind the sink. I suppose you’d better go & see her. She’s really getting annoying, moping around & talking about you all the time.
Strider: Right, yes, ok, I’ll go, right, ok, yeah…
Elrond: Aragorn?
Strider (who we now know is really called Aragorn which we really knew already but just weren’t telling): Yeah?
Elrond: Please, before you go & see her, do something about your whiskers.
Aragorn: Oh, yeah, right, thanks, ok, cool, ok…

He walks off towards the sink.

Elrond: Honestly, gerbils these days. Well, better devise a plan of action.

ELROND’S PLAN OF ACTION

1) Heal mouse with awesome rat powers.
2) Call Secret Council.
3) See if I can get Arwen to tell me what her & Aragorn have been up to (as if I didn’t know).
4) Dress up all fancy for secret council.
5) Attend Secret Council (optional, depends if I have time).

Elrond looks up & sees Gandalf enter the Bathroom.

Elrond: Hi Gandalf! What are you doing here?
Gandalf: Oh, not much, not much, just escaped from the tip of the tallest tower while being held captive by the most powerful guinea pig in the history of guinea pig kind who has now turned evil & tried to kill me so I fell on to an eagle who flew me here & the guinea pig is now ten times as strong and is looking for me & breeding an army powerful enough to take over the whole world… anyway, I had some spare time so I thought “why not pop in & see Elrond”.
Elrond: Oh. So not much going on then.

The scene switches again (there’s a lot of that in this story isn’t there?) to the Secret Council. Sign reads: Council of Elrond; The place to go with all your powerful decision needs.

Frodo: How come there’s a sign?
Gandalf: Well, Elrond likes to make a fuss.

Elrond comes in wearing an apron & carrying a tray.

Elrond: Who wants homebaked cookies & lemonade?
Frodo: I do!
Legolas (Yay, he’s in this story at last!): I thought we were here to discuss the doom of all the world, which is here in the hands of this little mouse.
Frodo: *with a mouth full of cookie* Hey! I’m tall for my age!
Gimli: Well, hooray for the rat stating the obvious.
Legolas: I’m going to ignore that.
Gimli: Good, you won’t hear this then… * blows loud raspberry at Legolas*
Legolas: Ew…Don’t spit on me, short stuff.
Gimli: What did you call me?
Legolas: Oh, you didn’t hear me? I guess that’s because your ears are too SMALL!
Elrond: People, people, please settle down.

As Elrond is sorting them out Aragorn come sneaking round the back way. He sits down next to Boromir.

Boromir: You’re late.
Aragorn: Isn’t there enough of that line in this film already?
Boromir: Where were you anyway?
Aragorn:…I’ll tell you when you’re older.
Boromir: Aaw, everyone always says that *sulks*.

Everything is sorted out at last, and the Fellowship is formed (I could go in to how it happened but we all know the story & quite honestly what would be the point?).

The scene switches (!) to Frodo sitting on a bench. He looks up.

Frodo: Bilbo?
Bilbo: Hello Frodo my lad!
Frodo:…Man, you got old…
Bilbo: Yes, yes…Now, what was I going to say…Ah, yes, er…Here. Some presents for you.
Frodo: Thanks!

Bilbo hands him an old razor blade which he says is called Sting, & a Mithril shirt. He explains what they do i.e. defend him against evildoers.

Frodo: Wow, Thanks Bilbo…Bilbo?
Bilbo: *snore*

Frodo wanders off (as mice tend to do).
Meanwhile…
We see Aragorn & Arwen standing on one of the sink’s taps.

Arwen: Do you remember when we first met?
Aragorn: I thought I had strayed into a dream.
Arwen: Do you remember what I said to you then?
Aragorn: …You said, “Hello, my name is Arwen”?
Arwen: *thinks* Honestly, gerbils.
Arwen: No, after that.
Aragorn: You said…comb your fur once in a while?
Arwen: No…
Aragorn: Pick up your socks?
Arwen: NO! Look, I said I’d bind myself to you, forsaking the immortal life of my species, ok?
Aragorn: Oh yeah… That was a good day…
Arwen: Oh, just take the necklace already *thinks* He may not be the cleverest but man is he hot!
Aragorn: Ooh…sparkly. Thanks.
Arwen:…*sigh* Do you know what it symbolises?
Aragorn: *shakes his head*
Arwen: It means I’ve given up my immortality to be with you. Get it?
Aragorn: Oooooh…You cannot give me this.
Arwen: *thinks* Finally.
Arwen: It is mine to give to whom I will. Like my heart.

They rub noses (rodent equivalent of a kiss).

And, on that happy note…

End of part two.

Luv Rachieachie xxx 😀