A/N: Hullo, all! Thank you for taking time to at least glance at my lurv-a-ly fic! You’re 2% of the to finishing this long painful ride. Bear with me, children.

Disclaimer: Yup, nothing’s mine. Obviously.

Rating: PG for mild violence or something… I have no idea. Why did I rate this PG again? Oh, just read it.

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Fraudo sat under a tree, reading.
“‘Watch… Jane… run…’ Okay, enough reading. I think I need more coffee,” Fraudo cried, his hand trembling from caffeine. Grandalk’s cart came down the road. Fraudo trembled with excitement
“GRANDALK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Fraudo shrieked, tackling Grandalk, knocking the cart over, “YOU’RE LATE!!! HA HA HA HA HA…!” Fraudo laughed, high pitched and annoyingly. Grandalk pulled out his staff and lifted the cart back off the ground, sending sparks flying from his staff. The cart promptly blew up. He reached into his bag and inflated a portable cart.
“I thought I told you to lay off the coffee…” Grandalk said, waving his hands, dramatically. He wasn’t watching at the cart exploded. He pulled out another one and inflated it, this time it worked. He got on the cart, which gave out a loud squeak when he sat on it.
“I THOUGHT YOU WEREN’T GOING TO BE A HAM AND YOU WERE GOING TO LEARN SOME REAL MAGIC!!!” Fraudo shrieked at Grandalk, jumping onto the cart, which let out a gigantic squeak. Grandalk stroked his chin.
“Point taken,” he said, again throwing his hands up, “So, how have you been?”
“I-I-I-I-I-I-I’v-v-v-ve b-b-b-b-b-been GREAT!!!” Fraudo screamed, unable to control the way he talked due to his uncontrollable shaking from the caffeine.
“That’s nice to hear!” Grandalk exclaimed, continuing to wave his hands, wildly, “Okay, here’s your stop, bye!” Grandalk pushed Fraudo off the cart.
Fraudo bounced around and then pulled a glass out from under a large flobbit’s nose.
“I-i-i-s-s-s th-th-th-thi-i-i-s-s c-c-c-cof-f-f-feeeeeeeeeeeee?” Fraudo stuttered. He dropped the cup, his hand quivering uncontrollably.
“It wasn’t. Don’t worry, Mister Fraudo, I’ll get you some,” the flobbit said. He tripped over the shears he was using to clip the hedges and ran into the door with a thump. Fraudo tumbled into a bunch of thorny bushes.
“Help me, Scramwise!!!” Fraudo screamed. Scramwise pulled Fraudo out of the bushes. Fraudo was covered with thorns.
“I don’t know what I’d do without you, Scram,” Fraudo said. Scram nodded and helped Fraudo inside.

Meanwhile. Grandalk strode over to Bobo’s house, humming loudly. The tiny flobbits looked up at him and could not help but stare in wonder.
The smallest flobbits whispered excitedly to each other, “He’s brought his fireworks!” Though Grandalk’s fireworks were not all that impressive, the little flobbits adored saying “fireworks”.
The older and wizened flobbits would grumble to each other, “He’s come to turn this town upsidown with his desperate need of attention”. They were probably right.
Grandalk rapped on the door, making his staff explode. He glanced around and pulled out a flashy suitcase that was titled, “The Wizard Wannabe’s Kit” and pulled out a staff.
“Well, this one will explode nicely,” he said, loudly, running his fingers across it’s rustic appearance.
Bobo growled from inside.
“I DON’T WANT ANY STUPID VISITORS!” he roared, “If it’s you, Lorbellia…”
“It is I!” Grandalk yelled. His robe flashed brilliant, flashy colors including a sign that stated, “BUY YOU’RE CLOTHES FROM THE GREATEST FAKE WIZARD STORE ON EARTH, THE WANNABE’S” Grandalk hastily pulled off the robe, grumbling.
“Confounded robe,” he mumbled, tossing the sparking robe over his shoulder, which exploded. Bobo opened the door.
Bobo looked even more rabid than ever. He was foaming at the mouth, the bags beneath his eyes were huge and his clothes were ripped and torn. He looked horrible to the highest extent.
“What do you want, you old coot?” Bobo snarled, his eyes bulging.
“Um… my cart sort of broke down,” Grandalk said, pushing back his thick glasses up his nose, “Can I stay?”
Bobo did not answer. He flung into his little rat hole, growling to himself. He swung around, sending his saliva flying everywhere. Grandalk shielded his face.
“Well, are you coming or not, you fake?” Bobo screamed. Grandalk forced himself into the flobbit’s home.
“Well, I see you’ve…” Grandalk said, coughing from the dust, “…cleaned up a little.”
That was a huge lie. Bobo’s house was a pig sty. He hadn’t dusted in one hundred years, so everything was gray, the walls had scratch marks on it and food and clothes were scattered around everywhere.
“Not for you, you old hag,” Bobo grumbled, “It’s my birthday and I’m getting out this stupid town.”
“Are you sure you want to leave Fraudo?” Grandalk asked, hopefully. He knew that if Bobo left, he would have to take care of Fraudo, which he didn’t want to do.
“Yes,” Bobo growled. Grandalk sighed.
Bobo handed him a hunk of some sort of food that Grandalk didn’t know what it was. It was green and looked moldy.
“Um, just tea, thank you,” Grandalk mumbled. Bobo poured tea into the wizard’s lap. Grandalk jumped with a shriek and started fanning his lap with a sign that he had pulled out of his pocket which bore the legend, “Do you want to be a wizard, but you can’t even make a speck of dust appear? Come to The Wannabes and you can be a full fledged wizard with just a wave of your fake wand!”
“That’s what you get for insulting my fudge!” Bobo yelled. So that’s what it was, Grandalk thought.
“Bring your stupid fireworks and come to my party,” Bobo growled and pushed Grandalk outside, slamming the door.
“Fine, BE that way!” Grandalk yelled, waving his arms around. Fraudo tackled Grandalk.
“HEEEEEY GRANDALK HOW’S IT GOING HOW’S LIFE WHEN DID YOU GET HERE I MUST HAVE MISSED YOU THAT’S REALLY WEIRD ANYWAY BOBO SAYS YOU’RE AN OLD COOT AND HE SAYS YOU’RE UGLY AND HE DOESN’T LIKE YOU AND HE WON’T GIVE ME COFFEE AND I LIKE YOUR FIREWORKS EVEN THOUGH THEY REALLY STINK AND YOU LOOK WEIRD AND DON’T MAKE YOUR STAFF EXPLO-” Fraudo said, not even taking a breath. Grandalk exploded his staff, covering Fraudo and him with ashes.
“Mmmm… tastes like coffee!” Fraudo said, tasting the ashes. He passed out with a grin on his face. Grandalk looked around, hoping that no one would see him and ran away from the passed out Fraudo.
“What did you DO to him?” a flobbit with curly hair yelped, rushing towards Grandalk, “YOU KILLED HIM!”
“I did not kill him, Merry,” Grandalk said, kindly.
“That’s Merr-ay to you, Mister!” another flobbit said, angrily, “it sounds so much better.”
“Whatever you say, Pippin,” Grandalk said, wearily.
“That’s Poppin to you, you old frog!” Poppin accused.
“Whatever you say, Poppin,” Grandalk corrected himself, “What’s wrong with you anyway?”
“Well, Merr-ay and I are trying to get some extra money, so Merr-ay wants to be a pop star and I’m his manager,” Poppin said, proudly.
“Does he have an agent?” Grandalk asked, trying to sound interested.
“He does now!” Poppin said, pulling Grandalk towards Merr-ay, “Mister Merr-ay, meet your agent, Mister Gray.”
“What? Why am I Mr. Gray?” Grandalk asked, incredulously.
“Not ‘Mr.’! It’s Mister!” Poppin corrected, glancing at the text in the story, “And all the good names were taken.”
“What’s wrong with Grandalk?” Grandalk asked.
“Oh, pulease, it’s so old fashioned,” Poppin said, rolling his eyes.
“It’s not ‘pulease’, it’s ‘please!” Grandalk said, also glancing at the text.
“I meant to say it like that!” Poppin said, “C’mon, Mister Fairy, Mister Gray will catch up with you, right, Mister Gray?”
Grandalk waved his hands, annoyed. There was something that he needed to ask Bobo, but he knew that Bobo was in a terribly foul mood. Grandalk cautiously approached the door and rapped it smartly with his staff, which quivered, threatening to explode.
“What IS IT???” Bobo roared.
“Do you still have the thing?” Grandalk whispered to the door.
“WHAT?” Bobo called.
“Do you still have the thing?” Grandalk said, slightly louder.
“WHAAAT?”
“DO YOU STILL HAVE THE THING?” Grandalk yelled at the door. The flobbits stared at him, blankly. Grandalk laughed, nervously.
“Trying to make the door turn green… just, uh, ignore me,” Grandalk said, trying to grin, but he ended up contorting his face. The flobbits hurried away, leaving the bizarre wizard and Bobo.
Bobo opened the door, cautiously and shoved Grandalk inside.
“What is wrong with you,” he hissed, menacingly, “Anyone could have heard you! Have you figured out what it is, anyway?”
“Not yet,” Grandalk said, heavily, “Let me see it again.”
Bobo reached into his pocket and pulled out one of the most bizarre looking things in the world.
It was pink and plastic, but it couldn’t be a ring. It didn’t look a thing like one. It looked like someone was trying to make a ring, but failed terribly. It was a hopeless blob of plastic with a hole big enough for someone with very small fingers to wear. Grandalk examined it, carefully.
“You do know that this might belong to Saurian?” Grandalk said in a low voice.
“What even happened to Saurian after this… thing fell into the hands of that one human guy who was really stupid?” Bobo asked, trying not to sound interested.
“The only thing remains in the foot of Saurian,” Grandalk said, intensely, “That’s all that was left of him.”
“Whatever,” Bobo grumped, “Just go, you fake!”
Bobo shoved Grandalk out the door. Grandalk stared at the door for a while and then turned away and walked down the path. He pulled out his pipe and blew a huge (and fake) colorful smoke ring that shaped itself into a pink pony. Grandalk giggled loudly and pointed at it. The flobbits rushed away from the obviously insane wizard.

The party was a success. Everyone in the Shrine had come to it (basically because Bobo had threatened to send dragons after them if they didn’t come). There was much eating, drinking, dancing and lots of Grandalk’s fireworks(which set a tent on fire at one point). Merr-ay and Poppin tried to make a rather large fireworks say: “Buy Merr-ay’s new CD! NOW, you punks!”, but they ended up setting another tent on fire. Grandalk chased them around for about an hour, exploding a million thing that were in his way, until Bobo yelled himself hoarse. Bobo frightened all the village children by telling them how he destroyed the trolls (he offered them some of his fudge) and Fraudo got very hyper off coffee and danced on the table.
“Go on, Scram, ask her to dance!” Fraudo yelled, loudly, swinging his two-millionth mug of coffee.
“Uh…” Scramwise said, staring at Fraudo.
“GO!!!” Fraudo shrieked and shoved Scram at a pretty flobbit girl. Scram knocked over all the tables and made a tent fall on Grandalk(who started screaming and lighting random things on fire) and made Fraudo dump coffee on himself. Fraudo screamed and tried to strangle Scram.
“AHEM!!!!!!!!!!” Bobo yelled over all the kerfluffle, “SHUT UP, YOU DINGBATS!” The flobbits fell silent, Fraudo frozen in the act of pouring a tankard of ale on Scram.
“Today is my birthday and I don’t know how old I am, and I don’t care,” Bobo said, “I like most of you as well as you deserve and don’t know half of you.” The flobbits glanced at each other, all very confused.
“Well, there’s a time for speech making and this is not it. Good bye!” Bobo said and became invisible. The flobbits gasped and started chattering at once. There was a loud crash and a very loud swear word. The gate fell down and Bobo was visible.
“Uh,” Bobo said and disappeared again. The flobbits gasped and started whispering again.
“That-was-interesting-who’s-up-for-coffee?” Fraudo said in one breath. Scram raised an eyebrow at Fraudo.
“Mister Fraudo, is this really the time to be thinking about coffee?” Scram asked.
“Every time is a time to be thinking about coffee!” Fraudo said, “I always think about coffee! It’s the only thing I think about!” Fraudo cried and began chugging down another mug of coffee.

After about an hour, Grandalk finally untangled him from the tent and hobbled up to Bobo’s little hole.
“Was that wise?” he wheezed, holding onto a spindly little table for support that he immediately broke. Grandalk waved his staff at it, wearily. It lit on fire.
“NO! WATEROUS!” Grandalk cried, pointing his staff at the table and to no one’s surprise, the table exploded. Grandalk hastily threw his cloak over the rubble and kicked it into the corner.
“Don’t worry about the table. Don’t really care about it anymore. It’s Fraudo’s now,” Bobo grumped, putting provisions into his bag.
“You… you’re leaving?” Grandalk asked, horrified. The last thing in the world he wanted was to take care of the Bobo’s foolish, coffee addicted nephew.
“Yep,” Bobo said, an evil smile crossing his face, “You know what that means!”
Grandalk tried to lock the door with his staff by shouting, “LOCKIUS!” but the door merely flew off it’s hinges and slammed Grandalk in the face.
“Nice try, Mr. fake,” Bobo said, evilly.
“You are going to leave the thing, aren’t you?” Grandalk asked, pinching a bloody nose.
“Uh…” Bobo said, plastering a fake grin on his face, “It’s-by-the-mantle-piece-bye,” Bobo said in one breath and tried to rush out the door. Grandalk grabbed the back of Bobo’s too-small tail coat and glared at him.
“Where is it?” Grandalk growled. Bobo gave a nervous laugh.
“Oh, look at that!” Bobo said with fake surprise, “It’s here in my pocket.”
“I cannot touch it,” Grandalk said, bustling away, “Those with great power will become corrupted by it.” At that, Bobo let out a loud laugh that told Grandalk that Bobo did not think he was great or had any power for that matter.
“That’s so great,” Bobo said, “Well, bye.”
“Bobo,” Grandalk said, grimily, “Where is the thing?”
“Uh…” Bobo said, the grin sliding off his face… It was obvious that the flobbit was trying to sneak off with the thing and was hoping that Grandalk wouldn’t notice, “Oh, fine! You win!” Bobo dropped the thing on the ground. Everything began moving in slow motion.
“Oh… I… hate… it… when… this… happens…” Grandalk said in slow motion. The ring fell to the ground, making a loud clunk that made the wizard and flobbit jump.
Bobo turned around, “I thought of a good ending to my book,” he said, “‘And then Fraudo died’.”
“And I’m sure he will,” Grandalk said, wistfully. Bobo turned away, humming tunelessly. Grandalk sat by the fire and pulled out an overly large, plastic pipe and began blowing bubbles out of it. Fraudo walked inside and tackled the chair that Grandalk was sitting in, practically throwing him head first into the fire.
“Ow…” Grandalk muttered, rubbing his forehead, which had hit the mantle.
“WHERE’S BOBO WHY ISN’T HE HERE WHAT’S THAT WEIRD THING ON THE GROUND WHY ARE YOU BLOWING BUBBLES HA HA YOU LOOK LIKE YOU’RE FIVE YEARS OLD BUT YOU’RE NOT GRANDALK ‘CAUSE YOU’RE LIKE FIVE BAZZILION YEARS OLD AND SO IS BOBO AND DON’T MAKE YOU PIPE EXPLO-” Fraudo yelled. Grandalk made his pipe explode in the pair’s faces. Grandalk wiped the bubble solution off his face and spit it out on the ground.
“Ack,” Grandalk choked and hit himself in the chest, sending a great amount of colorful bubbles out of his mouth.
“WHERE’S BOBO!” Fraudo yelled. Grandalk rubbed his temples.
“He left,” Grandalk said, sadly.
“WHY???” Fraudo asked, loudly.
“Because… of this,” Grandalk lied, hastily holding up the thing that was lying on the ground.
“OOOOOOO GRANDALK IT’S PRETTY I WANT IT GIVE IT TO ME!” Fraudo yelled.
“Yes… yes…” Grandalk said, stroking his chin, “That would be good. You stay here, I’ll be back… have to use… the wizard’s room…” and Grandalk bolted out the door. He returned in moments and dumped scrolls into Fraudo’s lap. Fraudo held them up.
“This says ‘Fraudo needs coffee’. How did it know?” Fraudo asked, stupidly. Grandalk pulled up the top scroll and began to read. He gasped and looked very worried.
“Let me see the thing, Fraudo,” Grandalk gasped. He snatched the thing and threw it into the fire.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Fraudo bellowed and dashed at the fire. Grandalk held him back, watching the fire. He pulled out the mangled mess of plastic and held it before Fraudo’s hand.
“It’s quite cool,” Grandalk said.
“No way, Jose! YOU can touch it!” Fraudo yelped, withdrawing his hand.
“Uh, I cannot… it’s-power-is-too-great-here,” Grandalk said in one breath and dumped the piece of plastic into Fraudo’s hand. Fraudo shrieked and attempted to remove the thing from his hand.
“THAT WAS NOT COOL!” Fraudo shrieked, wrenching the piece of melted plastic from his palm, “YOU… YOU..!”
“Do you see anything?” Grandalk asked.
“No,” Fraudo said, stupidly. Grandalk snatched the thing from Fraudo’s hand, danced it around on his finger tips for awhile because it was very hot, turned away and handed it back to Fraudo.
“Now do you see anything?” Grandalk panted, massaging his palm which had an angry red burn on it from holding the thing in his hand.
“Duh…” Fraudo said, staring at it, “YEAH! BUT IT’S WEIRD! I think it’s written in sharpie…”
Grandalk hastily hid a marker behind his back, “Very few can read it. Uh, it says:
One thing to fool them all
One thing to find them
One thing to something something
And in that place dine with them
In the land of Mortar where the shadows lie”
“What does it meeeeeeeeeeeean?” Fraudo asked in an exaggerated whisper.
“Where you listening?” Grandalk asked, proud of making up that little rhyme all by himself.
“Not really,” Fraudo said, “I was too distracted by Scram clipping hedges outside of the window. Anyway, what about the land of Mortar-”
“Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,” Grandalk hushed him hastily, grabbed Scram who was outside the window and attempted to lift him onto the table. Finally, after much struggling and pulling, Grandalk leaned against the wall, panting.
“Would you please climb in through the window and lie on the table,” Grandalk panted.
“Okay,” Scram said, shrugging. Scram climbed in through the window (breaking the window, trampling on all the flowers and managing to run into just about everything in the room) and laid himself on the table, “Should I be scared of you?”
“Oh, yes,” Grandalk said, waving his arms distractedly.
“Okay,” Scram said, evenly and leaned against the table panting, “DON’T HURT ME! MISTER POWERFUL-“(here Scram started laughing loudly), “-p-p-p-powerful w-w-w-wizard… and-d-d d-d-don’t d-do anyth-thing t-t-to m-m-m-m-m-ME!” Scram burst into hysterical laughter. Fraudo and Grandalk were also howling with laughter, clinging to each other for support.
“Powerful… wizard…” Fraudo gasped, through his loud laughter.
“Back to business,” Grandalk said, straightening up. Scram stopped laughing at sat up, abruptly.

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Thank you very much for reading! I hoped you enjoyed it! Please review.