LOTR "Special" Edition by pottedplant
Disclaimer: None of Tolkien’s work is mine. In fact most to all of this fanfiction isn’t
mine. My sister just wanted me to post it on the web for her, so DON’T THINK I’M CRAZY!
Also, The Simpsons, Star Wars, South Park, and Monty Python don’t belong to me, or my sister.
Narrator 1: At Osgiliath, Boromir is refusing to go to Rivendell.
Boromir: No! I won’t go. I wanna stay here where it is socially acceptable to be drunk in public.
Denethor: I’ll… give you ten dollars.
Boromir: NO! Go yourself.
Denethor: Fine… *starts to waltz away*
Boromir: Hehehe…*goes through ball of cash and coupons which he found in Denethor’s wallet*
Narrator 2: So he went to Rivendell to spy on the Council of Elrond.
Narrator 1: Why didn’t he just go to the Council of Elrond? He was invited, wasn’t he ?
Narrator 2: DO NOT QUESTION MY AUTHORITY!!
Narrator 1: I hate you.
Narrator 2: Plus, don’t you remember? Boromir stole his wallet.
Narrator 1: What does that have to do with any-
Narrator 2: -Anyway on with the story. Denethor hides in a bush as the council meeting starts…
Figwit: I think we should have a bakesale.
Elrond: How will that solve our problem with Sauron?
Figwit: So that’s what this meeting is about…
Gandalf: …Bring forth the Ring, Frodo.
Frodo: *doing a headbanger version of his chicken dance.* Sorry can’t hear ya’!
Gandalf: I said, BRING FORTH THE RING FRODO!!!!
Narrator 2: Frodo reluctantly puts his I-Pod away and takes the ring out-
Narrator 1: -Product Placement!!!!!!!! BOO!!!!!!!
Narrator 2: *death glare* As Frodo placed the ring on the coffee table the council failed to notice
the bush slowly inching its way towards the table…
Denethor: Losers!!! The Ring is mine! *Leaps out of bush, grabs ring and starts running*
Aragorn: I knew it!!
Legolas: *raises eyebrows*
Aragorn: Well I did!
Legolas: *shrugs* Whatever you say Paco.
Everyone else: Paco?
Narrator 1: Paco?
Narrator 2:..Any-way, as Denethor runs he trips over what appears to be a tree root.
Denethor: Ow. Stupid tree root…
Merry: Hey I is no tree root!
Narrator 1: Merry is not a tree root! And what’s wrong with his grammar?
Narrator 2: He has a problem okay…. Now SILENCE PAWN!
Narrator 1: THAT’S IT! I CANT WORK LIKE THIS! I QUIT! *walks away*
Narrator 2: … So…Sam and Pippin fall out of a nearby tree.
Sam: Ow.
Pippin: Scottish ow.
Elrond: So be it. You shall be the Fellowship of the Ring!
Gimli: Who?
Elrond: Uh… You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, and you.
Figwit: Hey! Why did you choose the crazy bush man to go with them?
Elrond: I hate you Figwit… I really, really do.
Merry: Whoopee.
Narrator 2: Back at Osgiliath, Boromir and Faramir are talking.
Boromir: I have to leave now. Since dad left, I rule Gondor!
Faramir: Dad’s gone? I can finally be myself! *puts on cat suit* I am… *cracks whip* El Gato!
*runs off*
Boromir: …
Narrator 1: Meanwhile, the fellowship is trying to withstand the wind and snow of Caradhras.
Narrator 2: YOU!! How did you get back here? I thought you lost it…it’s a shame really…
Narrator 1: I used the side door; plus, this thing needs a decent narrator. So stop yo’ bitchin’!
Frodo: * while listening to I-Pod* My salsa makes all the girls want to dance. It makes them-
Denethor: Shut up!! *hits him over the head with wiffle bat*
Gandalf: That’s enough.
Gimli: HEY!
Gandalf: What?
Gimli: What?
Legolas: *slaps Gimli across the face*
Gimli: HEY!
Legolas: What?
Denethor: Too…Much…Stupidity…Must…Kill! *leaps at Aragorn*
Aragorn: Not again! *uses horse tranq. gun on him*
Pippin: Mr. Denethor, are you all right?
Denethor: *drunkenly latches hand on Pippin’s face*
Pippin: HELP!!! HE’S CUTTING OFF MY BREATHING!!
Merry: Agh. Fine. *drags Pippin away*
Sam: Wait a minute. Only I call people Mr.!
Pippin: *death glare*
Sam: eep. *hides behind Aragorn*
Narrator 1: Hey! That horse tranquilizer bit is from The Simpsons!
Narrator 2: QUIET YOU IMPUDENT FOOL!
Aragorn: That was not so courteous.
Narrator 2: *in a sing-song way* Sor-ry Aragorn.
Thomas Jefferson: Ooh! Narrator 2 got told!
Pippin: Hey T.J. What’s cookin’?
Thomas Jefferson: Nothing much. Well, I’ll see you around.
Pippin: Bye.
Narrator 2: Wait…you DARE to insult me!
*bolt of lightning appears and smites Thomas Jefferson*
Narrator 1: You can’t smite America’s founding fathers! Wait..how’d you do that?
Narrator 2: *maniacal laughter*
Narrator 1: Well, anyway, I saw this movie today. It was called Hero and-
Narrator 2: BURMA!
Narrator 1: What did you say ‘Burma’ for?
Narrator 2: To distract you! The Fellowship decided to go through Moria…
Gimli: *hugging rock* I love you rock on the ground of Moria.
Legolas: Gimli, get away from my uncle.
Narrator 1: Anyway…Balin’s Tomb, blah blah, corpse down well, blah blah, drums in the deep,
blah blah, chased by orcs, blah blah, Balrog a-comin’, blah blah…. The Fellowship now is making
their way across the bridge of Khazad-Dum.
Narrator 2: So they started to run across the bridge, they saw a strange sight…
Jar-jar Binks: Fswhr soeg fgtj tofu rudweed?
Frodo: What the hell is that?
Gandalf: That’s not important now. We must keep running!
Frodo: No! What the hell is that thing?!
Legolas: Well, it’s not an orc…
Pippin: So…Is it edible?
Legolas: I guess so…
Aragorn: Tonight we shall eat like kings!!!
Denethor: Kings? KINGS? Gondor has no king, Gondor needs no king!!!
Aragorn: But it has a queen.
Denethor: What? Who?
Aragorn: Boromir.
Gandalf: Hee hee hee.
Denethor: WHY YOU!!! *lunges at Aragorn and Gandalf. Knocks Gandalf off bridge.*
Gandalf: I’LL KILL YOU!!! BOROMIR’S A QUEEN!! HA-HA!
Jar-jar Binks: Fayw situo njgiuy Boromir msuuf queen!
Merry: Can I?
Gimli: Please…
Merry: Here. *hands Jar-jar a picture of Pippin at the Christmas party*
Jar-jar: NOOOOOOOO! IT BURNS USSSSSSS! *turns into Gollum and runs away. The Balrog,
decides that this is too interesting to miss, and goes to film a documentary on Gollum.*
Narrator 1: That’s not how Gollum came to be! And how can the Balrog hold a video camera?
Narrator 2:..
Narrator 1: Um, Narrator 2?… Are you alright?
Narrator 2:…
Narrator 1: Um….Anyway, the Fellowship left Moria and debated about where they were to go
next…
Sam: Where are we goin’ Mr.Gimli?
Aragorn: Hey! I’m the leader!
Merry: Then where is we be goin’?
Aragorn: To Lothlorien.
Denethor, Sam, and Frodo: No!! My ex-wife lives there!
Legolas: *raises eyebrows*
Frodo: You two married Galadriel too?
Sam: What are you talkin’ about? I married a tree!…I miss her so much…
Denethor:..uh…*backs away slowly*
Frodo: whatever *turns on I-Pod*
Denethor: Wait one second…*Feels pocket* SOMEONE STOLE MY WALLET!
Narrator 1: Back at Minas Tirith, Boromir is sitting in the Tower Hall.
Boromir: *hears knock on door* Be right there! *trips over his robes* Ow.
Faramir: ‘Ello! *Dressed normally again*
Boromir: What happened to El Gato?
Faramir: What are you talking about?
Boromir: You were dressed like a cat…with a whip and a cape!
Faramir: Sorry, but I don’t understand what you are trying to tell me.
Narrator 2: Suddenly, the doors of the hall are thrust open, and a lone figure strides in.
El Gato: Hark! It is I, El Gato!
Boromir: What!?
T.B.C.
Please Review! There are more chapters coming! Reviews make them come faster heh heh heh.
36 Comments
…O_o…Wow. Just…wow. “Special” Edition, eh? Are you sure you didn’t smoke something “special” to help you write it? 😉
Seriously, though…it IS entertaining. I’m looking forward to more.
~Mirfain
MORE MUST HAVE MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i didn’t see much monty python……..ooo ooo add discworld!!!!
Halarious! I’ll be waiting for more chapters.
ROFL!! Boromir the Queen! Denethor is Galadriel’s ex-wife!
I totally love the Fellowship clone Nazgul! Will we see them again? Because I hope so.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! too funny!!!!!!! write more!!!!!!!!
Oh man, I LOVE this! I can’t wait for the next chapter!:)
That story kept me laughing for 15-30 minutes! It was awesome! I hope you do more!
oh, evil cliff hanger ending! i love the story!!! you are an awsome writer. kudos!
LOL LOL LOL!!!!!!!!! Very funny! Update soon!!!
I have one thing to say: ROFL
I loved Galadriel pulling out a gun !!! it´s so funny.
and thank you for the real story of the Nazgul, who they were/are, i mean. can´t wait to read more chapters!!
*wheeze* *choke* *dies from laughing too hard* *wakes up* YOU MUST WRITE MORE OR I SHALL SEND THE LIEGIONS OUT TO GET YOU AND….AND…and…wait, that’s not how you spelll legions/leigions/ligions OH WHATEVER *storms off* *comes back* I really love your story please write more or I shall whatsit….implode and come back and steal your computer. And I will, too.
Will there be any other chapters? Or is that it? ‘Cause, it didn’t really end! Oh well, Whatever!
Will there be anymore???? It was really good. Though I think it should be less confuseing though thats what makes it funny.
V. funny. keep writing.
BTW, Narrator 1 was right about the Spanish thing. “No” is Spanish. It’s also English, but it’s spelled and pronounced the same way in Spanish. So Narrator 1 technically was still typing in Spanish.
Oh, and actually, Whitefeather, Galadriel is Denethor’s ex-wife. Denethor is not Galadriel’s ex-wife. That would just be…… wrong.
Make more, more, more! (don’t knock Jar Jar Binks)
Simply Hilarious, the banter between the narrators is excellent. Write more soon please.
wow…just…………..wow. that is so messed up. wow. i think you and your sister might need some counciling. but not from elrond, maybe…………, i dunno. just……….wow. good job though. v. creative. i liked it. i hope there will be more out soon…and yet….it’s all just so *wrong*!!!! lol
LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love this stuff!…okay, yeah, I helped write it…But I love it so! NOTE TO READERS: WE ARE TRYING TO POST THE 6TH AND 7TH CHAPERS, BE PATIENT!(HA SIBLING-WHO-I-WONT-NAME I AM A MEMBER!!)
Well let’s see…where to begin, where to begin…Here we go:
First off, I thought that it was a good storyline. However, the narrorators being thrown in the story and doing their own thing at the same time got a bit confusing at times. In fact, the whole thing was a big giant ball of confusion. But it was interesting. 🙂
–_band_geek_
hahahahahaha! I read this again! I still love it!..and not just cuz I helped write it! (NOTE TO READERS: WE HAD THE NEXT TWO CHAPTERS READY BUT OUR COMPUTER GLITCHED SO WE MUST RE-WRITE IT.)
BLOODY FLIPPIN’ GOOD!!!!! Genius! Some other effusively positive-and-yet-not-sappy adjective!!! Write some more–as they say, it’s all fun and games until somebody laughs their butt off!!!
ROFL!!! That’s great!!! I love it!!
I really liked this story. I was laughing through the whole thing. It was extremely hilarious. Keep up the totally awesome work!
V. funny! In answer to your questions. 1) The fellowship will most likely kill each other. 2) I don’t think they will ever finish and their forces might go down a bit. 3) No.
Rofl!! I loved it! That was sooo hilarious! x) Well done! ~*~
LOL! *Grabs Legolas and takes him to my house and gives him Lembas. Legolas smiles and stays with me forever!* Sorry for taking a member of your story. LOL! Good, update soon!
~TinuvielGreenleaf.~
Wow! I laughed all the way!!
Lmao! I love it! Keep it coming! xxx
EL GATO!!! so incredibly random. keep it up 🙂
WOW!!! That was one of the funniest things I have ever read! I am soooooo waiting to see more from this amazing author. 10 fingers and a toe up.
That was so FUNNY! I liked how there really wasn’t any ending.
Lol Good Job!