On The Great Wide River….

On the Great River, everyone in the boats who isn’t rowing (oaring) is VERY bored…

(Boat 1=Aragorn, Frodo, Sam Boat 2=Boromir, Merry, Pippin Boat 3=Legolas, Gimli)

Boat 1:

Frodo: Sam, I’m bored. All we do is sit and stare. Wow. Water. And more water. And…
Sam: Let me guess. Still more wat…Oh look! A fishy!
Frodo: Hello fishy! *stares out, after a while, face lights up* I know!
Sam: *groans* No, Mr. Frodo, please! Not 99-bottles-of-beer-on-the-wall! Not again!
Frodo: Oh Sam, let’s see if we can make it past 34 this time!
Aragorn: NO. *oars*
Frodo: *sighs*
Sam: *gets idea* I know! *whispers to Frodo*
Frodo: *yells to boat 2* HEY BOAT 2! HOW DO YOU FEEL?
Boat 2:
We feel good! OH we feel so good! Uh! Double time! Uh! UH! Triple time! Uh Uh UH! All the time! U u u u u uh uh uh… *cheers*
Aragorn: *thinks* and to think I was this diluted, to think hobbits were quiet and reserved…

Boat 2:

Merry: That was fun.
Pippin: Yeah. … Soo…..What d’ya wanna do?
Merry: I donno. Whad’ya wanna do?
Pippin: I don’t know. What d’ya wanna do?
Merry: *sighs* Look, Pip. First you say wahtd’ya wanna do, then I say whatd’ya wanna do, then you say whatd’ya…
Boromir: For goodness sakes, think of SOMETHING!!! *oars*
Pippin: Okay. *sings*
This is the song that never ends,
Yes it goes on and on my friend,
Some hobbits….started singing it not knowing what it was,
And now they are still singing it because…
Merry: …because…
Pippin: …Because,
Together: This is the song that never ends…
Boromir: Grrrrrrrr *oars*
Merry: Uh, Pip?
Pippin: …that never ends…What? You made us end the song!
Merry: *shrugs at Boromir* I think he’s getting tired of that song. After all, we did sing it all day yesterday.
Pippin: Well, *crosses arms* I got tired of Kum ba Yah. *thinks, sings*
I’ve got a song that gets on everybody’s nerves,
Everybody’s nerves, everybody’s nerves.
I’ve got a song that gets on everybody’s nerves
And this is how it goes…
Merry: Pippin!
Pippin: Merry!
Merry: Peregrin Took!
Pippin: *solemns* You just sounded like Gandalf.
Merry: *solemns* Oh. Sorry.

*silence*

Pippin: I’m thinking of something……..gray.
Merry: The boats.
Pippin: Nope!
Merry: The cloaks.
Pippin: Nope! …hey! *looks out and sees boat three pulled almost level with them* Hello boat 3!!
Boat 3: Hey, ho!
Pippin:
Heigh ho! Heigh ho! It’s off the boats we go!
(du du du du du du du du du du)
Heigh ho! Heigh ho heigh ho heigh ho!

Gimli: *thinks* I’ve heard that before… *sighs, gets idea* Hey Pippin!
Pippin: What?
Gimli: That Saruman…maybe he means no HARM….
Pippin: *thinks* He’s really very short on…..CHARM.
Legolas, Boromir, Merry: *snicker snicker*

Boat 1:
Frodo: *pouts* They’re having so much fun over there. It’s not fair.
Sam: *thinks, sighs* Sorry, Mr. Frodo. I’m plumb out of ideas.
Frodo: *sings*
The wheels on the bus go round and round,
Round and round, round and round…
Sam:*taps him*
Frodo: *turns* What?
Sam: Uh, sir, we’re not in a bus. In fact, we’re not even supposed to know what a bus IS.
Frodo: Well, then if we’re THAT old-fashioned, why am I wearing this life jacket?
Sam: Uhhhhhh
Frodo: My point exactly. *takes it off, throws it in the river*
Peter Jackson: Hey!
Frodo: *smiles bashfully, attempts to retrieve it, but it’s already out of his grasp, floating towards boat 3. Gimli sees it, thinks, then suddenly it disappears under the water, as if pulled down. Everyone stares.*
Gimli: *shouts* Hey, Aragorn!
Aragorn: What? *oars*
Gimli: Are there rocks ahead?
Pippin: If there are, we’ll all be dead!
Boromir: ARG! No more rhymes now, I mean it!
Pippin: Anybody want a peanut?
Legolas, Boromir, Aragorn: AAARRGG!!
Gimli: *snicker snicker*

*after a while…*

Legolas: Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, *oars*
Ninety-nie bottles of beer! *oars*
You take one down *oars* and pass it around *oars*
Sam: HEY!
Legolas: *grins*
Ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall! *oars*
Aragorn: *sighs* Here we go again. If I were King….
Legolas: Ninety-seven bottles of beer on the wall, *oars, keeps signing*

Pippin: I’m hungry.
Merry: Hungry? *hands him candy bar* Grab a Snickers!
Pippin: Thanks! *eats it* Got milk?

Frodo: *sings*
I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts,
(deedly dee dee)
There they are a-standing in a row…
Sam: bum, bum bum
Together: Big ones, small ones, some as big as his head…*Sam nods at Aragorn*
Aragorn: *hits them with oar*
Sam: *gasp* You hit Mister Frodo!
Frodo: *mumbles* He shouldn’t have done that.
Sam: YOU HIT MISTER FRODO!!
Frodo: NOW he’s in for it…

Boat 3:
Gimli: *to Legolas* Didn’t I tell you Sam would kill him if anyone tries anything?