Pirates of the Ring: Far Side of the World by crazyelvenfangirl
–Aboard the well-known pirate ship, the Black Pearl–
Captain Jack Sparrow hefted the helm of the Black Pearl to the left (at least, he thought it was his left — Jack really wasn’t too good with that sort of thing). He tapped his gold teeth thoughtfully as he gazed at his compass.
“JACK!!” screeched Annemaria. “Where the bloody hell are you taking us?”
“Patience, Annemaria, we’ll get there soon enough.”
The sound of a sharp slap echoed through the ship, and the crew members struggled to maintain straight faces.
“Where are you taking my ship?!” Annemaria screamed in Jack’s ear. “You’re driving us right straight into a bloody damned FOG! There’s even ANOTHER SHIP there! I can hear it!”
Sure enough, shouts of “Pull together, men!” and “Pull! Pull for the fog bank!” could be heard, as well as the sucking sound oars make when pulled quickly from the water. Jack drew himself up and opened his mouth. Then shut it, sagging slightly.
“As I have no idea what the bloody blazing hell is going on here, I will be sending a trained reconnaissance force to investigate this alleged other ship,” Jack slurred. Leaning over the guardrail, he bellowed, “WILL!!! GET YOUR BLOODY STUPID ASS UP HERE!!!”
Twenty minutes later, Jack, Annemaria, Will, Elizabeth, and five or six pirates who serve no practical purpose in our story other than to, well, be there, set out in a rowboat toward the shouts.
–Aboard the HMS Surprise, of the British Royal Navy–
A faint cry was heard, coming softly through the fog. “Bloody stupid women!!” SLAP!
Captain Jack Aubrey turned on his heel and strode to the rail. He leaned over and peered through the heavy vapor surrounding the ship. He saw nothing but the ropes attaching the Surprise’s bow to the rowboats steering her. But the shout had come from the stern…”Tom! What was that? I thought all men were ordered quiet!” he hissed in a low voice.
“I’m not sure, sir. We’ve no women aboard.”
“Call the men back. I don’t trust this. I want the watch ready if this turns to our disadvantage. We’re not the only ship out there with a cunning captain.”
“Sir, do you really think the French will follow us here?” asked Tom Pullings.
“I’m not sure.”
“The voice did sound English, sir. Perhaps-” Hollum put in timidly.
“I’ve survived this long in this bloody business by being careful. You can never be to careful, man.” With that, he clapped Hollum on the shoulder and, gesturing for Pullings to follow him, headed to the stern where the helmsman, Bonden, was standing. “Bonden, take five or six men and ready the stern cannons. Do not fire until I give the word.” He nodded and went off to carry out the captain’s orders. Aubrey sent Pullings to help, and proceeded to round up his senior officers and debate their next move.
–In Middle Earth (several hours after the above episodes happened)–
“-this one doom-”
A panicked elf ran into the pavilion where the Council was being held. Bowing quickly to Elrond and the and the rest of the Council, he gasped, “Ship-huge-men-swords-new kind of arrows-river-coming here-GAAAA! Elrond why-tiara-Arwen’s favorite dress-what-”
Elrond grasped the elf firmly by the shoulders and shook him vigorously until he shut up. “Tell us again, and slooooowly, and this is MY dre-robe!”
Legolas snickered and whispered something to Figwit.
“WOULD YOU CARE TO SHARE THAT WITH THE REST OF THE COUNCIL, YOUNG LEGOLAS?”
Trying desperately not to laugh, Legolas shared it with the council.
“THIS IS NOT A TIARA!!!!! NOR IS IT FROM SAURON!!!! I NEVER DATED-THAT’S COMPLETELY-I NEVER DID-WE NEVER-THERE WAS NOTHING BETWEEN SAURON AND MYSELF, SO YOU CAN ALL STOP LAUGHING!!!!!!!”
Once the Council settled down, the elf gave them his message. “Strange men who spoke not the Elvish tongue, nor Dwarfish, nor Rohirric, nor Gondorian, nor-”
“We get it already…” said Elrond through his teeth. The elf gulped and continued. “Strange men who speak the Common tongue strangely appeared through a mist into our part of the river. There was one who looked like Prince Legolas, and one who looked as the Halfling, you know, the really cute one with the curly blonde hair? He’s so adorable…”
“Merry?”
“No, Pippin, but tha-”
“Merry is so much cuter than Pippin though!”
“Is not!”
“Is too!!!!”
“NUH-UH!”
“YUH-HUH!”
“NO!”
“YES!
“NOOOOOOOO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!”
“YEEEEEEEEEEEES YES YES YES YES!!!!”
“NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Will the Council ever stop arguing? Will Arwen get her favorite purple dress back? What will happen when the three worlds meet? Will I have to tweak things so that firearms don’t get into Middle Earth and screw things up? Will I have the attention span to write another chapter? And who IS cuter: Merry or Pippin?
If I get enough reviews, you’ll find out. Until then, I’m leaving you with a CLIFF HANGER!!! MUA HAH HAH HAH HAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
75 Comments
Tweak things!!!! No guns in ME, not that I’m against them, I’ve got my own pretty little…..never mind! But what I’m saying is NO GUNS!!! That completely ruins the story, plus, Pippin is SO hotter than Merry. ;}
Merry and Pippin are equally cute!
Excellent. Keep it up.
Slainte!
Allie.
Me likey!
Keep writing!
And I think Pippin is cuter than Merry, by a little bit. 😉
I like it and Pippin is cuter then Merry.
I loved it! I love all the movies in the story and I think you put them together well! Please write more!!!!!!!!!!!
Three of the best movies in the past couple years, all together in one fanfic?!? Methinks I sense happiness afoot. Write more please!! I absolutly love it! I want to know what happens next!
p.s. i think the consensus about the place seems to be in favor of Pippin. i know i love him!
hehe funny. to answer the last question pippin is cuter lol.
It’s good. I like it. I love POTC & LOTR!
He he he I luv it! This is a true masterpiece! Keep it up and REVIEW YOU BLOODY PEOPLE!
Your story is very funny! Please write more. I can’t wait to find out what happens next…
PS: Pippin is the cutest.
I know who’s cuter: FRODO!!!!!!!!!1
PLEASE finish it it’s funny!!!
Please write more!
MUA HA HA HA HA!!! I think I shall keep you all in suspense until my &@&*%@#*%(&@%@ history test is over (friday,–I PROMISE i’ll add a chapter to all of my fanfics over the weekend)…. *&^@*&^*@##@^ history test……why did there have to be so many #&*@%@ people who did stuff??? *wanders off swearing in Elvish*
thats not nice- leaving it a cliff hanger!! its too good!!!!!!!
Cool! I am hoping to see the next chapter soon!
I love this story!! It’s very funny. Here are my own answers to your questions. Wahaha. Who is prettier- Legolas or Figwit? Legolas…I think.
What will happen when the pirates come aboard? Don’t wanna know, visions of drunken HMS sailors in my mind.
Will there be competition between Jack Aubrey and Jack Sparrow? Don’t know.
Will I have to make the next chapter PG-13 because of happenings between female pirates and the sailors of the HMS Surprise? Again, visions are floating in my head….VISIONS, I BANISH YOOOU!
Will I remember to put up another chapter? I HOPE SO!!!
Will Jack ever learn I am more powerful than he is? No idea.
What will I have to do to keep guns out of Middle Earth (suggestions would be helpful…)? A keleptomanic dwarf steals them all and sells them on the black market?
And, last time, WHY did somebody reply that FRODO was cuter than BOTH Merry AND Pippin?!? Again, don’t know.
And yes, I am demented.
I love your story! And to answer your questions (don’t ask me why cuz I just felt like it) Legolas is way prettier than, chaos and confusion (let’s hope the H M S Surprise doesn’t have any rum :-P), Almost certainly, Duh!, If you don’t I’ll send you on a blind date with Barbossa (ugh!), Of course not…he’s Captain Jack Sparrow, Send the evil undead monkey to steal them and feed them to a fell beast, because they are even more demented than me! I’m serious, if you don’t write more soon, I’ll send you on a date with barbossa!!!!
OMV Legolas is soooo much cuter. And stop hurting Jack! He’s kinda what makes the movie funny, save Will’s stupidity of course.
Will: Hey! I’m not stupid. ‘Aye, avas’ is a very intimidating quote!
Me: *pats Will on the head* Sure it is, Will. Sure it it.
morwen lalaith, I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!! you have read Artemis Fowl, haven’t you? yes, well, anyway, YAY PEOPLE LOVE MY CHAPTER!!!!!!!!! *beams with happiness* *explodes*
LOL!! That’s really good! And, I, Legolas Fangirl #43 think Legolas (of course) is FAR prettier than Figwit.
hmmm… (gun suggestion) a fight starts but they find all the guns gone? Legolas is pretier then Figwit and Elrond AND Frodo is cuter then Merry and Pippin. So there.
This is soo cute! so funny with the narrator thing! can’t to see what happens. Legolas is prettier than Figwit.
This is great! Please write more. Oh, and Legolas is the prettiest (but that’s mostly because I don’t know what Figwit looks like).
i think pippin should use his hot telepathic ways to destroy the guns. yes the two jacks should have competion and what if legolas and will get into a fight over elizabeth? i love ur stories u are genius! write more please!
Figwit is prettier!!
Hahaha this is really good, can you make the two orlando blooms meet each other? Please, please, please, please wright some more!!!
i think that merry and pippin are cuter than every one else in all of middle earth *nods* you should put them in the next story, by the way your story is bloody brilliant! i’ve been cracking me head off the whole time! so on with the next chappy, and soon, please 😀
Legolas is prettier than Figwit!!!!!!!!! LEGOLAS MUST WIN!!! HE IS BEST!!! FIGWIT IS NOT PRETTIER THAN LEGOLAS!!! (NOT LEGO!!!) Btw, I have no idea how you could keep guns out of Middle-earth, all I know is that you gotta do it!!! Please write the next chapter SOON!!!
Respectfully yours,
-El
I have Friday off this week, so i PROMISE i’ll add at LEAST 1 new chapter for all of my fanfics!!!! ^.^ *sniffle* YAY PPL HEART MY FICS!!!!! Hang in there yall….
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA just put chapter 3 up–“In Which Few Folk Argue”. It is v. v. long.
Hey, rivindel_magic!
This is my review (in point form)
~Legolas makes Figwit look like cow pats full of maggots (legolas is much, much, MUCH more gorgeous!)
~ Do some ‘Elven Magic’ with the three elven rings of power to get rid of the cannons etc.
~Make Jack Sparrow grind Jack Aubrey in to dust! Jack Sparrow is hell funny, (and kinda cute, in a wierdo, old man sense.)
~And pretty please get Elrond back into something decent, the crossdressing nancy!
~Put some rivalry in with the two sets of pirates
~Don’t bother with PG-13 ratings, we’re (mostly) all adults here.
~Pretty please with cherries on top let Will and Legolas gt along!!!
~PLEASE!! YOU MUST REMEMBER TO ADD MORE (MANY MORE) CHAPTERS!!! WE FANGIRLS ARE HANGING OFF YOUR EVERY WORD!!!!
someone repled last time that frodo is cuter than BOTH merry + Pippen becuase he IS cuter than BOTH Merry + Pippin!! (by the way last time i dont think it was me!)
Just a quikie i gotta read ur next chapter but i think Pippin is much cuter!!!
I really like ur writing style its very funny.And i think Legolas is much prettier than Figwit.
figwits prittier lol. loved this one. keep the stories coming
*Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!*
Holds side from collapsiong laughter
FUUUUUNY!!!
This is really funny- Elrond DOES look like an eggplant in purple. By all means make the next chapter PG-13, things are funnier when they get raunchy. Maybe the ships could get holes in the sides and all the gunpowder could get wet? Or the gunpowder could get left behind along with all the useless extra pirates? Or gunpowder could just not work in Middle-Earth because Sauron changed the laws of physics? Anyway, good luck writing the next section. This is excellent so far. Oh, and Legolas is definitely hotter than Figwit. Mmmmmmmmmmm…… yummy, yummy Legsy with the very pretty tights.
Merry is cuter than Pippin. But that genious that posted: ‘Frodo is cuter than them both’ is my freaking idol! Who ever you are: you rock. Good story. ADD MORE! AHH! Please? I need….
Cool, ppl heart my stories!!! I PUT THE CHAPTER UP, BUT IT HASN’T BEEN ACCEPTED YET!!!! HANG IN THEIR!!! And I can say with certainty that Legolas and Will DEFINITELY get along. Have decided to do Jack rivalry thing in next chapter. YAY I HAVE FANS (sort of)
Woah how can so many people think Pippin is cuter than Merry?! And I know everyone probably disagrees with me but I think Figwit is better than Leggy. Lol add the next chapter soon!
OMV that was funny, woman! Hmm…I think Pippin will win the Salsa competition and I can’t really chose between Leggy and Will. It’s soooo hard! Or maybe elrond is hotter…(i’m kidding, don’t worry, but I do need help)…..
LoL funny! Now would you please post another chapter for us all!?
Okay Questions,
1. Pippin will win (don’t ask why I say that!)
2. Legoloas comes first then Will and Elrond dosn’t make the top 200.
3.Because they are in shock?
4. Because there is not much to uestion in a short chap.
5. Because we don’t normally review.
OMG! This was the best fanfiction i’ve read so far! I think for the salsa contest a disaster or something should happen, (i’m not sure what) and they both loose. Keep writing!
I thik Pip will win because, well, he’s just cuter.
Will is defintely the cuter out of the three, hands down.
And I am reviewing so I can’t answer why people are not.
You have to remember another chapter (or two or three…)
Anyway, I LOVE your stories.
Elrond’s well better looking than Legolas and Will.
i have figured it out!!! i know how u get get lotr involve with everyone else.have the fellowship in there boats from lothlorien, they take a wrong turn and head out to see were they meet the 2 ships. just thought you could use some help because i love the series. hope it helps.:D
I really enjoy these stories, you know? A perfect mix of my two favorite movies(POTC and LOTR) and a really good one. Please continue writing them!
It’s funny except for the slash. Cut that out, and it’ll be a lot better.
*lol* Hahahaha!!!!! 😀 That’s great!! Although, take out the language/slash please…..and I’ll read it more often. 😉
By the way, Bonden will probably win the contest and Pippin is much “cuter” than any of the hobbits. 🙂
Pippin will win and Legolas is prettier than EVERYONE!!!
Who will win the Salsa Competition-both. A draw
Who is prettier-Legolas, Will, or Elrond? (if someone picks Elrond, stay on the computer and I will send for help.) Elrond is prettier.
Why didn’t the Council argue? They didn’t feel like
Why don’t I have any good questions? I don’t know!
Great story!!!!!
I really like the title, and I really hope that you do create another chapter.
HILARIOUS!!! Bonden will win salsa competition. Elrond IS prettier. The Council didn’t argue because they’re scared of you! You don’t have any good questions because they’re too hilarious to be sensible. 😀
pippin will win the salsa compitition
…interesting…youre asking my opinion on who is cutest…hottest…well of course elrond is NOT!! legolas or will…thats a hard one i say…BOTH!!!!:D
ELROND IS PRETTIER!!! Ha ha, JK, Legolas is prettier than any girl I’ve ever seen in my life. 0.o Tis quite odd, actually. Anywho, this is a great story and I love it. Keep up the great work!
Most likely a tie.
Legolas (duh). Will is one-millionth of a whole not as pretty as Legolas. Just BARELY.
Why didn’t the Council argue? The stupid mortals interrupted.
Why don’t I have any good questions? You tell me
WHY DON’T YOU PEOPLE REVIEW?!?!?!?!?! I AM, DUH!!!!!!
Who will win the Salsa Competition-Bonden or Pippin?
I would have to say Pippin, just…well because!
Who is prettier-Legolas, Will, or Elrond? (if someone picks Elrond, stay on the computer and I will send for help.)
Legolas, the whole blond thing rocks my socks.
Why didn’t the Council argue?
They were bord and needed something better to do, plus they were easily amused by the salsa chugging contest.
Why don’t I have any good questions?
umm…after so many chapters the questions just seem to stop coming to you in your dreams.
WHY DON’T YOU PEOPLE REVIEW?!?!?!?!?!
I am reviewing, a bit late though. I ment to review a long time ago…sry.
Pippin will win because, DUH, he’s a hobbit.
Me: Legolas is prettier than Will, but Will is still very sexy, so there are no hard feelings, right?
Will: What do you mean HE’S prettier?!?! I’m way better looking than he’ll ever be! Plus, I have facial hair! He doesn’t!
Me: Facial hair is gross… especially when you kiss someone with it. Think about Elizabeth, mate.
Legolas: So there Will. I win! I’m prettier!
ok ok i’ll review. btw i started reading this last year but there was only like 2 chapters or something. cool story, keep writing.
Who will win the Salsa Competition-Bonden or Pippin?
Pip. By MILES!!!
Who is prettier-Legolas, Will, or Elrond?
Legolas or Will. I can’t decide. They’re BOTH too hot for words.
Why didn’t the Council argue?
Coz they were to busy watching Pip win the Salsa Comp.
Why don’t I have any good questions?
Coz your so smart you can think of the most of the good answers yourself. Either that or your too silly to ask them.
WHY DON’T YOU PEOPLE REVIEW?!?!?!?!?!
COZ I’M HARDLY EVER ON THIS SITE!!!!!!!!!!
PS Let Jack make a Jack@ss of himself.
And whats with the clothes hanging on the bushes, eh? If thats a slur on Legolas and/or Will, you’re tonight’s main course!!!
Wierd. Funny. Could get interesting if continued.
Hurrah! Fourth chapter is up, yeah , and just wanted to say that when I wrote this two weeks ago, like four people had reviewed. So I didn’t include the other reviews in the questions, because they weren’t posted. yeah. ok, i’m done now.
Who should Merry’s buddy be?
umm…i don’t really know
What has the Council been doing whilst I have been assigning buddies?
the elves are knitting, the humans are stinking, and the dwarves are shineing thier axes gruntting a lot.
Should I keep writing slashy chapters?
ummm…no…unless of course you want to then go ahead, have fun.
Why do some people tell me to write this without slash even though I say in the description it has some in it?
they don’t read that part.
Should I pay attention to them?
no! be your own person!
How far should they get on the journey in the next chapter?
to the mountians…i guess
Why don’t people REVIEW???????
they either aren’t members, or are just plain lazy.
-eatd aka koi! ;p
Hey! You should definatly have jack go with Aragorn, considering that they are both smelly and have Elizabeth go with Legolas to shake things up between her and Will. I LOVED the salsa thing by the way!
*lol* Hilarious!!!! 😀 It’s even better than the other two…or was it three? Not important. 😛 Keep writing!!! 😀 Oh, and 1)You should pair Merry up with Bondon. That would be interesting. 2)The Council has been eating ice cream and pizza! Duh!! 3)Nah. Lie and take out the slash. 😛 4)Now THAT is a good question…. 5)Duh. 6)Probably all the way through Moria. I know I know…it’s long. But hey…. 7)Umm….
And by the way, “little Will’s” name is Blakeney. At least….I think that’s how you spell it… 😛
Where’s the slash at? Good story otherwise, though.
Great story so far. the council could hire a mariachi band. i don’t think that i spelled that right. they are a mexican band and they coud get catering form taco bell!!! just an idea
I’m confused. Why do you say these chapters have slash in them?
ARG i am so very sorry i have not updated…my computer crashed and i lost everything i was working on…*sniffle* give me another week or two–i PROMISE i’ll have another chapter AT LEAST of EVERYTHING up by christmas!!!!!!
I think it is blakney. good fanfic though.
Should I keep writing slashy chapters?: Well it is really up to you, but maybe not soooo much slashyness
How far should they get on the journey in the next chapter?: Maybe Caradras, but it was several months (if I remember correctly) before they started on their journey. Because it was winter.
Why don’t people REVIEW???????: They don’t want to?!
What ever happened to Annemaria? Where is she? She was on the rowboat when they were taken onboard the HMS Surprise. So where is she now????