A/N: As you could probably tell from the title, there is slash, but it’s more making fun of slash… I am not implying that Legolas is a homosexual, I merely making fun of the fact that he is far prettier than me or any girl I know.

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. Duh.

Rating: PG-13 for slash, suggestive themes and thematic elements. Maybe language. I forget. Oh well.

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Legolas tossed his long blonde hair in front of the mirror and began to dry the other side of his beautiful, impeccably straight hair. It was his first TV deal. He couldn’t even begin to describe how excited he was. Finally, he pulled out a bottle of hair spray, shook it and sprayed it all over his hair. He examined himself in the mirror, critically.
“Oh, goodness,” he said, clapping his hands to his face in a very femine way, “I must apply more rouge! My cheeks need to be perfectly rosy!”
He pulled out the rouge and began applying heavily. The door swung open and a rather scruffy man poked his head in.
“You got five minutes, Mr. Greenleaf,” the man said, shortly. He seemed to be trying to leave as soon as possible.
“Didn’t even bother to knock?” Legolas giggled, “Oh, well, I like that in a man…”
The scruffy man bolted, not even bothering to close the door.
“Ooo, men from Gondor are so HOT!” Legolas exclaimed, putting on his mascara. Finally, he exited in the room after standing in front of the mirror for about fifteen minutes.

“Where the heck were you?” Aragorn yelled, striding toward him, looking very menacing, “We’ve been waiting for you for twenty minutes!”
“Oh, I’ve been nowhere,” Legolas said, in a very flirty voice. Aragorn got a very sick look on his face, “This is Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, right?”
“Yeah, it’s the reversed episode, though,” Aragorn said, writing in his clipboard.
“WHAT?” Legolas screamed, “That means I’m… I’m…”
“Let’s get the cameras’ rolling! I want this done by the end of the day so I can get my butt out of this idiotic show!” Gandalf cried, shoving Legolas onto the set.
“You evil old toad…,” Legolas muttered, not bothering to be very quiet.
“Okay, we’re rolling in five… four… three…,” Gandalf showed the last two remaining numbers with his fingers. A pretty woman, who was Eowyn, walked onto the set.
“Welcome to Queer Eye for a Straight Guy for our special reversed episode!” she said, “Let’s meet our straight team of fashion specialists!” Five scruffy men stepped forward, all grinning.
“Firstly, we have Aragorn, son of Arathorn,” Eowyn said, her cheeks turning pink.
“If they knew what had happened between us last summer, he wouldn’t be on that team…,” Legolas muttered, furiously.
“Secondly, we have Gimli, son of Gloin,” Eowyn said, still smiling at Aragorn. Gimli stepped forward and nodded, “Next, we have Boromir, son of Denethor and Faramir son of Denethor,” both Boromir and Faramir gave a sort of salute as they stepped forward, “And last, we have the ring bearer himself, Frodo Bagins!” Frodo stepped forward and grinned.
“They’re here to give Mr. Legolas Greenleaf here the straight make over of a lifetime!” Eowyn said. Legolas pouted.
“Why can’t people just accept me the way I am?” he pouted. All of the five straight men rolled their eyes.
“All right, first, don’t blow dry your hair. It’s nasty,” Boromir said, pulling up a lock of Legolas’ blonde hair, critically. Legolas gave a small scream and pulled his hair back on top of his head.
“What, do I have split ends?” he said, completely freaking out, “Omigod… omigod… omigod…”
“What are split ends?” Gimli scoffed.
“I thought you of all people would know, considering you have, like, the worst case I’ve ever seen,” Legolas grouched, sinking into his chair.
“Are you wearing… Oh my God, are you wearing mascara?” Faramir said, wrinkling his nose, “That is absolutely revolting.”
“EXCUSE ME?” Legolas shrieked, jumping up in his seat, “I’m sorry if I want my lashes to be perfectly curled and black, thank you!”
“Gross,” Frodo agreed, “Some woman think eyeliner on men is sexy, but isn’t the lipstick going a bit too far?”
“Um, no!” Legolas argued, “and who said anything about impressing woman?”
The five others shot disgusted glances at each other.
“Okay, number one, say good bye to the make up,” Boromir said, making a note on his clipboard.
“NO WAY!” Legolas said, leaping up in his chair, again, “You cannot part me with my make up! Lord, what a crime!”
“Yeah, sure, whatever. Next, can you grow facial hair?” Aragorn asked, examining Legolas’ strangely flawless face. Legolas shrunk down in his chair, turning very red.
“You CAN’T?” Faramir said, incrediously.
“I TAKE DRUGS TO STOP MY FACIAL HAIR, OKAY?” Legolas sobbed. Frodo started cracking up. Finally, he shoved his knuckles in his mouth to shut him up.
“Oh… kay…,” Gimli said, wrinkling his nose, “Next, drastic hair cut.”
Legolas glared up, brutal defiance in his eyes, “You can take away my make up, you can take away my flawless face, but you cannot take away these gorgeous locks of mine,” he said, his voice trembling with rage. The camera crew had to stop filming for an hour until the five stopped laughing.

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I hoped you like it! Review, please.