Characters
Good guys
Aragorn as Rick O’ Connell
Arwen as Evie (aka Neferteri)
Pippin as Alex
Merry as Johnathan
Gandalf as Ardeth Bay
Barliman Butterbur as the derigible operator
Frodo as the Pharoah
Sam, Gimli and Legolas as palace guards

Bad guys
Saruman as Imhotep
Anuck-su-namun as herself (I couldn’t find a LOTR character to take this role)
Lurtz as the guy who is told to keep a close watch on Alex(Pippin)
Wormtongue as the museum curator

And last but not least…
the balrog as the Scorpion King!

And now for the feature presentation…

Chapter 1

(Aragorn is exploring the tomb, and pulls out his gun as a precaution)
Aragorn: Hey, wait… I thought I was pulling out a knife?! And what is this thing anyway? (pulls trigger by accident) Ooops…
Pippin: (bumps into Aragorn) OW! Watch where you’re going!
Aragorn: Aren’t you supposed to… nevermind.
Pippin: Well, anyways dad, I found this… wait, you’re not my father at all! You’re Aragorn! What’s going on?
Aragorn: (sigh) What do you want me to do, say that I’m your father while at the same time doing a Darth Vader-ish voice?
Pippin: Sorry… uh… anyways, I found this interesting wall painting a little ways back, and I saw a picture of your tatoo in it! (points to Aragorn’s tatoo) See? It looked exactly like this one.
Aragorn: I didn’t know I had a tatoo… anyways, are you sure you…
Pippin: (interrupting Aragorn) It had the two snakes, and the two phara… phar… whatever they called their kings in ancient Egypt, and it had the triangle thingy…
Aragorn: Pyramid.
Pippin: Right, right, whatever, and the eye…
(Aragorn accidentaly fires gun again)
(bullet ricochets off the walls several times, then eventually stops)
Pippin: (get the deer in headlights look, and is silent for a few seconds) Uh…… maybe you want me to help with that thing? You need people of intelligence to help you with that sort of contraption… device… thing.
Aragorn: whatever. Now go wait for me in the temple. I think maybe smoking leaf and eating mushrooms at the same time is making you see things.
Pippin: Is not.
Aragorn: Is too.
Pippin: IS NOT!
Aragorn: Is too.
Pippin: IS… nevermind. See you. (runs off)
Aragorn: (shakes head) Hobbits. (goes off to find Arwen)

(Arwen is brushing the dirt off of a wall painting. A red, black and white-ringed snake brushes by her boot)
Arwen: (turns around and sees the snake) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
Aragorn: (walks in, shoots the snake) I finally figured out how to use this thing!
Arwen: (breathes a sigh of relief) Good for you. And besides, I was going to take care of that thing myself, anyway.
Aragorn: Are you sure you are suited for this role?
Arwen: Sure I am! I’m more beautiful than that bitch Evie (pouts)
Aragorn: (sighs)
Arwen: Oh stop sighing and help me get this door open!
Aragorn: What door?
Arwen: Shoot it, kick it down, whatever! Just open it!
Aragorn: Ok… (kicks it down)
(the section of wall falls down, revealing a secret chamber full of mummies, cobwebs, and scorpions)
Arwen: (nervously) Uh, Aragorn?
Aragorn: What is it this time Arwen?
Arwen: Nevermind (steps into the chamber reluctantly)
(Aragorn follows in)
Arwen: You know, it feels like I’ve been here before.
Aragorn: (points to the mummies) those are the only guys who have been here before… and they’ve been here for a very long time.
Arwen: I hate it when you recite directly from the script in a parody.
Aragorn: Why?
Arwen: Because it’s annoying and because it’s not very funny.
Aragorn: I only did it once. Anyways, if you have been here before, then you’d be thousands of years old… oh wait, you are that old, aren’t you?
Arwen: (pulls a lever and reveals a secret passageway) Well, that makes sense, because I know where I’m going, sort of.
(they walk down the passageway)