Gollum: *about to strangle Frodo* My Preci… *cough hack cough*

Peter Jackson: *Really mad* What do I have to do to make you take your cough medecine BEFORE we start shooting?!

Gollum: *whimpering* We knows, precious…but the nassty hobbitses… they stole it from uss!

Frodo: *gasp* We did no such thing!

Gollum: Yess you did, precious… and the nassty fat hobbit did, too!

Sam: THAT”S IT! *rips off prohestetic feet and stomps offstage*

Peter Jackson: Jesus, Gollum, that was the 327th Sam this week… we don’t have any more backups!

Gollum: *Looks up with big, sad eyes* Maybe nice director could see to it that Good Smeagol be the servant of the masster now… *Really thinking…(we gots rid of Sam, now we just have to get that fat elephant of a director to fire Frodo and WE be the masters then, precious…)*

Peter Jackson: *shakes his head as if defeated*

*Later*

Gollum:*Joyful, but strangely dressed like a hobbit* Yea! Now we sereves the master of the precious now! *does a strange little dance*

Peter Jackson: Places everyone… O.K… Action!

*Silence*

Frodo: Goll- I mean Sam! That’s your line!

Gollum: *shakily* We cannot do it master… it is too horrible…

Frodo: *Through clenched teeth* Say it or I’ll show everyone the picture of you and Borimir skinny dipping in the Forbidden Pool! *Pulls out the picture and smiles evilly*

Gollum: *Gasps, then frowns* Yess, master…. *clears throat* … Po-Tat-Eoes… mash ’em, boil ’em, stick ’em up Frodo’s ass-

Frodo: *Becomes red and turns to Peter Jackson* I….. QUIT! *walks out*

Gollum: *Mockingly* Oh, poor director, who will be the precious master now?

Peter Jackson: *Puts his head in his hands and says nothing. The people in the cast and crew begin to cross themselves, then say prayers for strength*

Gollum: We loves you, precious!

*The End*