Chapter one: Pipe Cleaning
Spoiler warning! If you have not read the book like the lazy slob you are, you will be spoiled. Just admit you don’t care and keep reading!

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The shiney ball came wizzing out the tower, flew past Wormtongue’s head, barely missed Gandalf’s ear, and descended down toward the two hobbits, smoking at the bottem of the stairs.

Pippin saw it coming and stood up with his arms scooped in front of him.

“I got it!” he yelled, “I got it!”

It impacted heavily with his chest, knocking him on his back. He lay there with the palantir on his chest, groaning, while Merry howeled with laughter.

Gandalf came running down the steps, “What happened?!” he cried.

“He got it,” Merry said, and then started coughing.

Gandalf stomped over to Pippin and scooped the Palantir off him, wrapping it in his cloak.

“Shiney….” Pippin said dreamily.

“Fool of a Took! How many times have I told you not to grab strange balls?”

There was a smattering of snickers behind him, as Aragorn and his friends came down the stair.

“Oh grow up,” Gandalf said impatiently, “if you snicker at everything, you’ll never be king.”

Aragorn looked hurt, “Fine then, see if I invite you to my wedding now!”

He stalked off with Legolas and Gimli to sulk.

Gandalf rolled his eyes, “Stupid git, who does he think is paying for that wedding?” he said under his breath.

Pippin got up and started reaching for the Palantir, wrapped up in Gandal’f cloak, like a child reaching for candy.

“Shiny…” he said, “I want to play with the shiny ball.”

“Well you can’t,” he gestured towards Merry, “Oi, you deal with your cousin, he might have a concussion or something, I must go talk to Treebeard.”

Merry got up and patted his cousin on the back, “Here mate,” he said passing the weed, “you’ll feel better after some of this.”

“Shiny…” Pippin said, taking the pipe.

Gandalf trumped over to Treebeard, who was leaning against a wall with some of his treepals.

“Hey Gandude!”

The Wizard stopped in his tracks and closed his eyes in irritation, “It’s Gandalf.”

“Ok, whatever dude. What’s happening?”

Gandalf counted from one to ten in his head, before he answered, “We are about to take off for Minas Tirith, I need a favor from you.”

“Whatever you say man, especially if it means working against the man!”

“Erm, yes, I want you to make sure he doesn’t leave.”

“Who?”

“Saruman,” Gandalf said in a tired voice.

“The dude in the tower?”

“Yes!”

Treebeard looked up at Orthnc, “Dude, that’s heavy.”

“Treebeard,” Gandlaf said, trying to shove some patience in his voice, “Saruman destroyed your forrest, right?”

“Well, yeah.”

“He betrayed the sacred trust between a wizard and the forces of nature.”

“True but-”

“He called you names!”

“Look Gandude,” Treebeard said, “you don’t get it. We’re trees man, everything slides off of us. I mean, true I went ballistic, who wouldn’t? But it’s in the past man, gone, ancient history.”

“This was yesterday,” Gandalf said quietly.

“Dude, to a tree, it’s all the same.”

One of the other ents nodded, “Dude, that’s so beautiful.”

“Look!” Gandalf said, losing patience, “I don’t care what you do, just make sure, he doesn’t leave!”

“Saruman?”

“YES!”

“I still think it’s harsh dude,” he said.

“Good, form a protest group, sit in a circle and sing, smoke till you are petrified, just keep him in the tower.”

“Can he leave with us?”

“No.”

“What if he promises to return when he’s done taking a pee or something?”

“Look, just don’t talk to him.”

Treebeard shook his head, “Ok Gandude, whatever you say.”

Gandalf nodded curtly, then turned to leave. He stopped suddenly when he realized that Treebeard and his pals were following him.

“Where you going?” He asked over his shoulder.

“We’re coming with you.”

“No,” he turned around completely, and started speaking very slowly, “I want you, to stay here, and make sure, he doesn’t leave.”

Treebeard gazed at him a little glassily for a few moments, and then it was as if light had finally dawned on him and he said, “Ooooh, now I get it! Excellent Gandude, no problem.”

He then went back with his pals to teh base of Orthanc, and told the rest of the trees, who seemed very pleased with the idea.

As Gandalf turned to rejoin his companions, they started to sing camp songs, starting with Kumbayah, and promising to get more syrupy.

Saruman leaned out his window and yelled, “Damn you! Don’t leave me like this! Burn me up, drown me, but don’t subject me to this!”

Gandalf smiled as he walked away.

TBC…