The Angband Support Group by gwindor_fanboy
I give credit to J.R.R. for coming up with these characters and to Sharky for writing the Barad-dur Help Group, my inspiration. Published with Sharky’s permission.
(The scene opens: Gothmog, Ecthelion, Túrin, Beren, Frodo (and Sam), Arwen, and Faramir are standing around talking in a dingy, ultra-evil, room high in Angband. There is a glassless window in the East side of the room. A chill wind blows through it.)
Gothmog: Is everyone here? ROLL CALL! Arwen?
Arwen: Here!
Gothmog: Beren?
Beren: Here!
Gothmog: Faramir?
Faramir: Yo!
Gothmog: Frodo?
Frodo: Present!
Sam: And me!
Frodo: Shut up Sam. (smacks Sam on the head)
Sam: Mr. Frodo touched me! (faints)
Gothmog: Um…Túrin?
Túrin: Yo!
Gothmog: Ecthelion?
Ecthelion: How come whenever you call roll I’m always last?
Gothmog: You’re not last this time. Legolas?
(Legolas swings through the window on a rope)
Legolas (in a suave voice): Sorry I’m late. Did I miss anything?
Gothmog: Sit down!
Legolas: You can’t order me around! I’m a prince and I’m the prettiest!
Arwen: Yeah? Well I’m a queen!! SIT DOWN!
Legolas: Okay, you don’t have to shout.
Gothmog: Everyone’s here. Who wants to introduce themselves first?
Legolas: Me! Me!
Gothmog: Beren, how ’bout you?
Beren: Hi my name is Beren.
Everyone except Legolas: Hello Beren!
Legolas: Hi my name is…(gets clobbered by Arwen)
Beren: I suffer from panic attacks. It started when my hand got bitten off by a giant wolf. Now…ARGHHH!! SOMETHING IS SCRATCHING AT THE DOOR!! IT’S A WOLF! AIEEEEE! (faints)
(The door opens. A small puppy trots in.)
Arwen: Awwww! He’s so cute! (She picks the pup up and holds him in her arms.)
Gothmog (O_o): Túrin, you next.
Túrin: Hi my name is Túrin.
Everyone except Legolas: Hello Túrin!
Legolas: Howdy Húrin! (gets clobbered by Arwen, again)
Túrin: I’m a mental case…
Legolas (Muttering): Which means you’re a nut. (Arwen hears. She clobbers Legolas.)
Túrin: …and then Mablung told me…
Legolas: That was un-called for!
Túrin:… “I will slay thee swiftly”…
Gothmog: Break it up you two!
Túrin: …and that’s how I became a mental case.
Legolas, Arwen, and Gothmog: Huh?
Túrin: You weren’t listening? *sniff* That hurts my feelings.*sniff, sniff* I’m should never have come! No one cares about my story!
(Arwen hands Túrin the puppy (Pup). Pup licks Túrin’s face. Túrin stops crying.)
Pup: Yip yip yip.
Arwen: What’s that?
Pup: Yap yip yippen yip.
Arwen: The Gap of Rohan?
Pup: Yip! Arf yap yip yip arf arf yap!
Arwen: What?! Really?!
Pup: Yip!
To be continued…
32 Comments
lol. ur funny! Melkor for president indeed
HAHAHAHAHA!! this is so funny! =) write more, write more!
Don’t let chapter 2 be the end!
Noooo! Don’t end it! It’s too funny to end here!
Hilarious. I like te way you’ve characterised Legolas. wowwowwowowwow
Oh, this is sooo hilarious!
Honestly, I just had tears in my eyes for laughter! Would be fantastic to read more of this, really. The company you put together, and the quotes… Great!
oh my goodness!!! I love your form of writing!!! have you ever read the book Eragon by Christopher Paolini? the way that you poened the first scene with that paragraph remimded my so much of that book! (one of my fav’s, well, besides like all that Tolkien’s written)
keep writing, it’s an inspiration!
-Arya
was laughing so hard that I’m sure my face was pink! I like the use of what seems like actual insanity, (*cough* no, I’m not insane *cough cough*)
still lovin the story line… but, will there be any more?
-Arya
Ha, ha, ha! Ha, ha, ha! Ha, ha, ha! etc.
Even though 1. I wrote this and 2. this is the third time I’ve read it, it still makes me lol!!
Ha, ha, ha! Ha, ha, ha! Ha, ha, ha! etc.
That was great! Hilarious!
Ha, ha, ha! Ha, ha, ha! Ha, ha, ha! etc. Even though 1. I didn’t write this and 2. this is the first time I’ve read it, it still makes me lol!! Ha, ha, ha! Ha, ha, ha! Ha, ha, ha! etc.
…I take pride in calling myself Gwindor’s Fanboy.
Lol, these are great! Keep a’writin’
*The Gap* of Rohan!!! *dies laughing*… This is a great story!
This is really funny! Please update soon!
Great job!
This is such a cool story! I really like it! Really really, especially the Sam singing part. Rock on!
That was a cliffie, you evil fanboy! LOL! Great work!
Noooooo! What’s gonna happen???????? Hurry up!!!!!!!!!
Finally the next chapter is up!! I’ve been waiting for, oh it seems like ages, a great total of two months for them to update the stories!! But I love what’s happening, and you dont’ like HP that much do you?
*in t-shirt with huge letters saying “NOT A FANGIRL”* …in the spirit of sci-fin-ess and..stuff…I think it would be *ahem* INTERESTING to …er…see what happens if the..er.. fangirls get our heroes….purely in the spirit of…whatsit, you understand? Right? right?
Ph34r my m4d, l33t writing skillz!!!!!!!!!
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is the FUNNIEST fanfic I’ve read! Please update really really really really soon! PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“I can`t wait to see that on film…! *joke*
Very funny,write more!
Oh goody!!!! You posted again!!!! Very good. I like it, but do you always have to have cliff-hanges?
Haha!! That’s great! 😀 Do more…please!!! 🙂
*yawns* I guess I should write some more. Right? Of course right… right after my nap that is 😉
I love this! It’s so funny! I was laughing through begininng to end of every chapter! Write more! If you don’t I will gather an angry mob and, uh, raid your fridge! (This is not a threat) WRITE MORE!
hehe *snicker* but why must they make this politically correct?? thats not funny!!!!!
You, good sir, have not lost your touch. That is for sure. I immensely enjoyed it! 🙂
I just can’t wait for more!!! u have to get it up ASAP!!!
this soo funny!! i love it!!! what happened to leggy? i need to know as one of his rabid fan squirells!