It was a lovely afternoon as the Fellowship was heading further and further away from Rivendell. It would surely be a lie to say that they were in bad humor, the four hobbits joked around with one another as Aragorn and Boromir conversed. Even Gimili took part, for he and Legolas were arguing over weaponry. They were completely suprised when they heard a rattling sound coming from a tree above. In a flash, Legolas had an arrow in his bow, waiting for Gandalf’s signal to fire. Suddenly a disgruntled Gollum tumbled down from the tree and landed roughly on his behind on the forest floor.
Before Gollum could move, Aragorn had his sword at Gollum’s throat, and Gollum started to wail in self pity. “Precious… ugly menssss point nasty swordssss at precious….Leavessss us alone!” Legolas snorted and smiled at Aragorn. Aragorn glared at him. “Well, we can’t all be as sexy as you,” he said sarcastically.
“Yeah, I know. Isn’t that a shame?” Legolas replied, twisting his hair. Gollum stopped wailing. “You are uglierssss than him, yes, precioussss….” Gollum stated. Legolas was flabbergasted. “Take that back!” Legolas cried, pointing the bow at Gollum’s throat. Gollum thought for a moment. “Yes! Yes, precious! Ideassss for precious! Beauty contestssss! Let’s have onesss!” Everyone agreed. Gollum was tied to a tree. First up came Gimili. Gollum, of course, was the judge. He gave Gimili a 5 on the scale from 1 to 10, 10 being the highest. “You seriously needssss to shavess…” Gollum said disgusted. Gimili strutted off, cursing his beard. Next went Merry. Gollum thought for a while. “I saysss…. a 3, I dislike curly hairsss…. Samess for you, Frodo and Sam…” Merry looked sad. Aragorn’s turn. Gollum smiled. “You are stillsss ugly. You get a 2.” Aragorn frowned. He walked slowly off the makeshift stage, his eyes downcast. Legolas stepped onto the stage. “You getsss a 1. You are sooo uglyssssss!” Legolas hopped off the stage and began combing his hair and looking frantically at his reflection. Boromir refused to go up. Gandalf, being a good sport, agreed to be laughed at too. He stepped on the stage. Gollum smiled. “I likesss your stylesss… You get a perfectss 10!”
***And Gandalf and Gollum lived in a deserted Super 8 motel for the rest of their love-filled lives in happiness, eating only the finest jello and cheese***