A/N: I had a dream about something like this and thought it was an amazing idea for a story. I love Romeo and Juliet forbidden love kind of things. This story is going to be a very personal kind of style of writing and I’m having a lot of fun writing it. I hope you enjoy reading it! This will be a romantic comedy and I think you will all find it quite enjoyable.

Rating: PG for thematic elements–the rating will go up.

Disclaimer: I don’t own Arwen or Rivendale or any orcs, but I own Gloria, Axel, Bronta and Harshink. So you can’t have ’em.

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Now that I look back, I was a completely different person before I met Axel.

Back then, not only was I considered the fairest of them all, but I truly believed that. I mean, if you had seen me back then you would be all “What? Fairest of them all? WHAT?” But that’s just how I appeared to the other goblins.

Now you’ve probably got this big question mark above your head like “What? I’m talking to a goblin? Since when?” But yeah, you’re talking to a goblin. And not just any goblin. Gloria, the most beautiful of all the goblins in the world. At least to the other goblins, that’s what I was. They just stared when they saw my knobby knees, my wide nostrils, my greasy greenish hair, my pale skin glinting with the most exquisite oils, my lumpy and fairly shapeless body… oh, the goblin men nearly went mad at the sight of me. They all hated my bright emerald green eyes, but those were inherited from my human mother.

Now you’re probably like “Okay, no, goblin + human does NOT equal babies, okay?” But really, my mother wasn’t any normal human. She was the most beautiful woman of all of them and she was plain sick of human men. She said they were much more disgusting than any goblin men. That is, their minds were. And from what I’ve seen of them, I’d have to agree.

My mother Bronta met my father, Harshink when she was running away from her horrible husband for the fifth time. My father has always been a bit of an odd goblin in the sense that he’s attracted to pretty human women. And not our goblin standards of pretty either. He’s drawn to the human standards of lovely. I was personally always drastically humiliated by my mother’s ugliness, but she was apparently extremely beautiful for a human. My father tells me that he simply walked up to my mother, kissed her hand-my mother always said it was more like he drooled on her hand-and asked if she would marry him. Well, my mother was so ready for something new, she agreed. Nine months later my mother bore a healthy, slimy goblin girl whom she named Gloria because “goblin and Gloria start with the same letter.”

That just shows that beauty and intelligence don’t go hand and hand.

My lovely mother died when I was about five years old. She was never the strongest woman in the world and it takes a very strong woman to be married to a goblin. It’s not that my father was cruel, but the other goblin men were. Some say she died of shock when a goblin called her “the ugliest human to ever dare to come into the sun.” Knowing my mother, it was probably true.

I was a fresh eighteen years old when I first met Axel. I was the desire of every goblin man. They had all asked my hand in marriage at least once and I turned them all down. It’s hard to say yes to any man when he has a glob of saliva hanging out of the corner of his mouth and his breath smells like garlic and slime. My father says I’m too picky, but I say I’m sensible which is something of a turn off to quite a few goblin men.

I was escaping my most ardent pursuer-a quite handsome young goblin named Jorpin who had blown his nose on my tunic one too many times which was the sign of highest attraction in goblins. My father had often pleaded with me to repeat the gesture to him, but my father was a goblin leader and who wanted that blockhead Jorpin leading our troop? No, I don’t think that it would be a good idea.

I ran into Rivendell-which was as far away from our goblin village as I could get on foot. The elves in Rivendell were a good deal more sensible than the human village that we lived near. The elves treated us with respect, but that did not mean that they were interested in associating with us. Whenever they needed help, they aided us. We were a violent folk, but only when the receiver of our violence deserved it. Plus the elves would have squashed us had we attempted to attack them. So we usually kept our distance.

I walked through the streets of Rivendale. The homely elvish maidens ducked into their homes. The ugliest elf maiden of them all-truly I pitied the woman-Arwen approached me. I mean, the poor things skin was all smooth, her body was all slender, her hair was all sleek and black and her face was all-dare I say it?-perfect. Yech. I pitied her so that I gave her a second of my gorgeous time to speak with her.

“Good day, Gloria. I haven’t seen you in these parts lately. What are you doing in Rivendell?” she asked in that smooth, warm voice of hers. I had to fight to plug my beautifully gnarly ears at the sound of her voice.

“Jorpin is pursuing me again,” I groaned. Now my voice was a lovely high screech with a scratchy tone. I told you, by goblin standards I was perfect in every way. “He won’t stop blowing his nose on my dress.” I indicted the elaborate rag dress I dawned.

“How revolting,” Arwen replied, wrinkling her disgustingly cute nose.

“I know, so it’s very hard to resist. It’s also hard when he smiles that beautifully yellow smile… he’s lost several teeth, you know,” I said, a dreamy look coming over my emerald eyes.

Arwen smiled slightly. “I don’t think I’ll ever understand goblin logic.”

“Elvish logic is weirder,” I replied poetically. “Well, I’d better get back to my village before my father start freaking-”

And I stopped. Because I forgot my words.

Rightfully so.

I looked up and saw the most handsome elf I have ever seen or ever will see in my life. And no, he was to ugly by elvish standards. In fact, he was extremely handsome by human standards. He was just handsome by any nature. So gorgeous I couldn’t even think. My mind went blank as I gaped at him. He had elbow length smooth raven hair pulled in two braids were wound in a half ponytail, smooth tan skin, a well built body, bright blue eyes and the most gorgeous face I have ever seen or will ever see. I stared. I couldn’t stop myself.

I knew I had to have him then and there. I shook back my green hair and looked up to give him the most seductive look I could muster, screeching, “Hey, handsome!”

The man looked down-and screamed.

Like a woman. He screamed and ran as fast as he could away from me. Arwen turned her head quickly and saw the man’s retreating figure. She clicked her tongue disapprovingly, a small smile on her unlovely face.

“That’s Axel, my dear. He’s such a horrid man, no matter how attractive he may be. Trust me, you do not want him,” Arwen said, placing a soft hand on my bony shoulder.

But I was still treasuring his scream. It was then and there I decided that Axel would be mine no matter the cost. And that was just that.

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A/N: Hope you liked it. Please review!