Gandalf: Very good men! You’ve got everything we need. Um, Faramir, what is that packet of Oreos doing with our spy equipment?

Faramir: I got hungry.

Gandalf: That will not be tolerated! If you are hungry, you do not need to get fat on sugar! Give the cookies to me! (Faramir hands them over, and Gandalf begins stuffing his mouth)

Gandalf: As I was *munch* saying *swallow, stuff* you don’t need to fill up on *crunch* un- necessary things. *burp* If you get * swallow* hungry *munch* you will eat a energy bar *swallow of coke* and drink powerade. *Burp* Is that clear? (Gandalf wipes crumbs off and throws the empty Oreo packet away.)

Faramir, Eomer, Theoden: ……?

Gandalf: Now! AttenTION!

Meanwhile………..

Arwen: Aragorn! Haven’t seen you in a long time! Not since that big fight in the front of the White House! What have you been doing with yourself?

Aragorn: Well, I went to England and became king.

Arwen: You went to England and became king? That’s impossible.

Aragorn: Not when you go to the England section in Disney World.

Arwen: Oh……?

Meanwhile……..

Boromir: Who does he think he is! That darn ranger, beating me at the ‘King for a Day’ contest in Disney World. I’d like to kill him!

Glorfindel: Yeah, well, how are you gonna do that? I mean, who would be king of Disney World England if he were dead?

Boromir: I would take over, and rule the kingdom! I know! I’ve got it! I’ll turn him into a flea. A tiny, harmless little flea. And then I’d put that flea in a box, and I’d put that box in another box, and I’d mail that box to myself, and when it arrived *Ah hahahmwahaha!* I’d SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER!

In the news…..

Haldir: Today it had been reported that the president is not in his office having a meeting with his cabinet. (Snickering in the background) He is not talking to his cupboards, Rumil! Anyway, the cabinet, after long hours of discussion, in which the president uttered not a word, they discovered that they were talking to a cardboard cutout of George W. Bush! Who in fact, it was discovered, had snuck off to Mt. Rushmore, bearing no luggage save a tiny ring-case. The vice-president has also snuck off somewhere, and so is unavailable for comment.

Eomer: (Flips off TV) We’re too late!

Theoden: (Flips off TV) We’re too late!

Faramir: (Flips off TV) We’re too late!

Gandalf: (Flips off TV) Boy, these are some good chocolate chip cookies! Oops, sorry, *clears throat* We’re too late!

Later……..

Legolas: Congrads, Aragorn! You really stole that election!

Aragorn: That’s a lie, I paid for every vote! *clears throat* I mean, why thank you. And all I can say is, ‘I hope they don’t find where the president and the vice-president ran off to so I can go on being the temporary president permanently.’

Legolas: Uh-huh. Yeah, right. Well, I’m sure you’ll be a fair ruler.

Aragorn: Why, thank you. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go make a couple dozen speeches.

On his way out, he pats Boromir on the back.

Aragorn: You tried, that’s all I can say.

Boromir: Grrrrrrrrr.

That night……..

Gandalf: Okay. Listen up, men! We have a new mission! Operation Return of the President!

Faromir: Catchy.

Gandalf: We will go to the top of Mt. Rushmore, and get Mr. Bush back.

Frodo: (rushing in) Gandalf, you have to do something!

Gandalf: What’s going on?

Frodo: Aragorn is turning his president-ship into monarchy!

Gandalf: Aragorn turned the president’s ship into a butterfly? No, he turned it into an ark, right?

Frodo: No, no, Aragorn is making himself king, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it!

Gandalf: But doesn’t any law that the president makes have to go through the senate?

Frodo: Yes, but it’s made up entirely of Ents! They started yesterday morning, and they haven’t even finished saying ‘Good day’! They’ll never get down to discussing the new-

Gandalf: Now calm down, my young hobbit. My faithful Secret Intelligence trainees and I will figure something out.

Frodo: You must find the president before Aragorn ruins the US!