Chapter Four
Hey Look! It’s GandleDorf!!!
“Come on Gimli!” Legolas called back to his companion.
Panting, the Dwarf called to his friend, “I’m coming! I’m coming! I’m-” He collapsed from exhaustion. “Not coming.”
Aragorn finally decided to stop, saying, “Maybe we should rest for a while.”
“Yeah, those kids should catch up in a day or so,” Legolas agreed.
Just as Gimli caught up and sat down, there was a loud crack! from no source they could see, and Hermione was suddenly standing in front of them. (For the non-Harry Potter fans, this is a wizard/witch trick called Apparating and Hermione isn’t technically allowed to do it.)
“We need your help! Now!” she cried, and Disapparated. (Doesn’t look at all like the word “disappeared”…)
“Um, how did she do that?” asked Aragorn, who was beginning to think these kids had a talent for appearing out of nowhere.
“Maybe we should try to be nicer to her,” said Legolas, who was having similar thoughts, along with What else can they do that we don’t know about?
“Well, are we going to help them?” Gimli asked, getting up again with some difficulty.
“I don’t know what she’ll do if we don’t!” Aragorn answered.

~~~~~~~~~~

Lying on the ground in the orcs’ camp, Pippin rolled over to check on his friend. “Merry?”
“Ughangoverugh,” was Merry’s only response.
Pippin sighed and said, “I told you not to chew the pipeweed.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aragorn and Legolas had found the clearing where Harry, Ron, and Hermione stood, along with an old man. Gimli staggered in behind them.
“Me, sleep now. You, nothing eat me,” he said, and collapsed. He was snoring before he hit the ground.
“OK. Um. Aren’t you supposed to be dead?” Aragorn asked the old man. He was dressed in white, and had a long white beard.
“What?” asked the old man.
“Or at least have a shorter beard,” said Legolas, expanding on Aragorn’s comment.
“I’m still working on the dead part,” the mysterious man answered.
“You impaled yourself at Amon Hen!” Aragorn exclaimed.
“I saw you!” Legolas added. “It was really nasty.”
“I think you have me confused with someone else,” said the old man, thoroughly confused.
“Gandalf!” the Elf cried. “Don’t you remember me?”
“And me?” asked Aragorn. He stepped forward instinctively, accidentally crushing Gimli’s head in the process. At least, he would have crushed his head if it hadn’t been for Gimli’s round helmet, which instead made Aragorn fall on his face.
“He’s not Gandalf! He’s Dumbledore, the headmaster of my school!” said Harry, after he got over his laughter at Aragorn and Gimli.
As Gimli came to his senses, he asked, “Huh? What happened? -Gandalf!”
“Who is Gandalf?” asked Dumbledore. “My name is Dumbledore!”
Gimli asked Aragorn out of the corner of his mouth, “Is something wrong with Gandalf?”
“Apparently so,” Aragorn answered. “I thought he just had a memory problem, but now it looks like he’s having an identity crisis, too!”
Frustrated at their stubbornness, Hermione cried out, “He’s not Gandalf! He’s Dumbledore!”
“Gandalf!” said Legolas.
“Dumbledore!” said Ron.
“Gandalf!” said Aragorn.
Meanwhile, Dumbledore was thinking, I knew I shouldn’t have worn my sparkly-white outfit today.
Creators started appearing out of thin air around them, just to carry on the argument.
“Gandalf!” cried Peter Jackson.
“Dumbledore!” argued J. K. Rowling.
“Gandalf!” countered The Ghost of J. R. R. Tolkien.
“He’s my character; I think I know what he looks like!” exclaimed J. K. Rowling.
“No!” said The Ghost of J. R. R. Tolkien. “He’s my character!”
“Mine!”
“Mine!”
“I thought this fight was about who he is, not who created him,” said Hermione, in a pathetic attempt to restore peace.
An evil smile crept across Rowling’s face and said, “Fight?” You could almost see the thoughts flashing back and forth across her brain.
“Oops.” Too late, Hermione realized her mistake.
“Well,” said The Ghost of J. R. R. Tolkien smugly, “you can’t hurt me, I’m a ghost!”
Ron actually had a thought. “Yeah,” he said, “it’s Tolkien the Sparkly White!”
“Then I’ll just beat up on Peter Jackson instead!” Rowling decided.
“And soon we’re going to have Peter Jackson the Sparkly White!” said a voice from the empty space behind her. Actually, a teenage girl was slowly materializing there.
“Exactly!” Rowling exclaimed. Then, turning around, she said, “Wait, who are you?”
“I’m the Omni-potent Author Who’s Pissed Off At Peter Jackson Because Of How He Butchered The Two Towers! (A.k.a. “K”)” said the Omni-potent Author Who’s Pissed Off At Peter Jackson Because Of How He Butchered The Two Towers. (Or Isildo)
“Uh oh,” said Peter Jackson, sensing his doom was near.
Another girl had materialized next to the first one.
“And I’m the Omnipotent Author Who’s Pissed Off At J. K. Rowling Because She Killed My Beloved–I Mean, My Favorite Character! (A.k.a. “J”)” said the Omnipotent Author Who’s Pissed Off At J. K. Rowling Because She Killed My Beloved–I Mean, My Favorite Character. (Or Frosildur)
Rowling, hearing this, had only one comment: “Ack!”
“And WE say he’s Gandledorf!” J and K said together.
Peter Jackson and J. K. Rowling were eager to comply. “OK! Yeah! OK! Whatever you say!”
Tolkien The Sparkly White laughed at them, almost hysterically–for about three seconds. He was interrupted by-
“OMG! Is that J. R. R. Tolkien?!” K exclaimed.
J, equally excited, said, “I think it is!” She dropped to the floor and started chanting almost like some kind of priest.
“Oh great Tolkien, without whom we would be as naught!”
K also dropped to the floor and said, “I gravel at your feet.” (Hey, I can’t help it; I’m a quote freak!)
“Grovel!” J corrected her.
“Gravel!” K argued.
“GROVEL!”
“GRAVEL!”
“SILENCE!!!” Dumbledore yelled, sending birds into flight for miles around.
“Grovel.”
Dumbledore gave J a sharp look to silence her. “Whatever you are doing,” he said, “I do not like fighting. Now would you all please proceed directly to your common rooms–I mean, wherever you were going before.”
“Ummm…” said J.
K, just as unsure, asked, “Where were we going?”
“Feel free to gra-ovel some more if you don’t feel like figuring it out,” said Tolkien the Sparkly White, who apparently had been enjoying the attention.