The Journal of Frodo Baggins,
Written by Himself, and being the
Account of his Journey to Mordor,
Starting from the Elf-Woods of Lothlorien
And Ending. …when I die…in the Event of Which,
My Faithful Servant and Best of Friends Samwise Gamgee
To continue Writing, for my Dear Uncle
Bilbo Baggins.
Having said this…..here I go.

Day 1:

We set out form Lothlorien today. I must admit I was sorely disappointed to see the glimmering figure of Lady Galadriel disappear around the bend in the river. Oh well. She gave me as a parting present a very dull glass. I think it’s supposed to light up, ‘when all other lights go out.’ Hmmmm. It still hasn’t lit up yet. Maybe if I snap and shake…
We’re in boats on the River. I have been assigned to sit with Aragorn and Sam. Lucky Sam. HE got a treasure chest from Galadriel. A lot of good that’ll do HIM, on the river. If our boat tips over, sunken treasure!! (and dead Sam…*shudder*)

Day 2:

I think we’re supposed to be out-running some orcs. I don’t see how we are supposed to out RUN them, when we’re in boats, but Aragorn’s the leader, and what the pig says, goes. (Did I say that?)

Day 3:

I am very bored. There is absolutely NOTHING to do. I’ve watched the scenery too much, I’ve decided. I’m starting to see talking trees, and a rushing white cavalry in the water again. That is he scariest part, because the water if completely calm, save for an occasional ripple caused by our boat’s smooth prow cutting through the mirror-like surface. And I’ve only seen two fish so far. You would think there would be more fish in a river. AND I saw a log with eyes. It must be the Ring.
Like I said, I’m VERY bored. I’ve sung 99-bottles-of-beer-on-the-wall, until Sam insisted we sing 99-bottles-of-ale-on-the-wall, and we got all the way to 34, when Aragorn threatened us with “If I was King…” He spoils all the fun. Men have no sense of humor. If I was rowing, and HE was the one doomed to sit and stare all day, he would see things a little differently.
You know what, if I can’t sleep tonight I think I’ll start counting fish… (Now I’m talking to my journal; this is bad. I need a vacation.)

Day 4:

It finally happened!! Sam and I were singing ‘I’ve Got a lovely Bunch of Coconuts’ and Aragorn hit us with an oar. Sam became very upset and tipped over the boat. Lucky for him, Legolas played the hero and rescued him, but it would have been better if he had drowned, for the tongue-lashing he received afterwards from Aragorn. I wish I could remember it all, but I think it went something like this:
Aragorn: “Confounded Samwise, what do you think you were doing?”
Sam: “You hit Mister Frodo! And you don’t let us have any fun! If YOU were sitting all day instead of rowing, YOU would be bored too!!”
A: “But you made us loose two whole packets of lembas! Do you know how long that would have lasted us?”
S: “It’s only lembas, Aragorn. Unless… there was something else you lost.”
A: “Yes, er, there was.”
S: “Well, what was it?”
A: “It was a pair of long underwear Arwen knitted for me.”

I thought THAT was very humorous. I never knew Men suffered from PMS. Good old Sam. We needed something to laugh about. However, now the log with eyes seems to be dressed too…

P.S. My glass still hasn’t lit up.