The words that are in between the // \ are the stories.

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Creepy Voice: *gibberish*

Galadriel: Sorry, I can’t translate that.

Creepy Voice: *gibberish*

Galadriel: huh?

Creepy Voice: ASH NAZG THRAKATULUK AGH BURZUM-ISHI KRIMPATUL!

Galadriel: *screams* *faints*

Creepy Voice: *evil chuckle*

Narrator: Well, I guess I have to narrate now. The creepy voice is really Sauron. He is now dragging away Galadriel and- wait. How can you drag her away? You’re an eyeball!

Sauron (glares): Shut up!

Narrator: I can’t, I’m the narrator.

(Sauron puts Galadriel in a sack and carries her over his shoulder)

Narrator: Shoulder? But you’re an eye-

Sauron: Shut up!

(The Narrator shuts up. for the present. Sauron heads out of Lothlorien and heads to Minas Tirith. He sees Borimir before he even reaches Gondor)

Borimir: *humming*

Sauron: Hello

Borimir: Hello (keeps walking until he suddenly has a thought) Hey! You’re an eyeball! What are you doing wondering around Gondor?

(Sauron rolls his eye)

Sauron: Oh, well I lost this ring of mine and I was looking for it.

Borimir: oh, (keeps walking until he has another thought) you’re an eyeball!

Sauron (sarcastically): You noticed!

Borimir: Where would you put a ring? And why did you have a sack over your shoulder?

Narrator: Shoulder?! He’s an eye! How can he have a-

(Sauron puts the Narrator in a sack and throws him over his shoulder)

Borimir: He has a point, you know.

Sauron (glares): Have you ever played in a sack?

Borimir (thoughtfully): I used to when I was a little boy, but I don’t any more. Of course there was that one time I was drunk and-

(Sauron throws a sack over Borimir and puts him over his shoulder)

Narrator (from his sack): But you’re an eye-

(Sauron ignores the Narrator and keeps walking)

Narrator: Walking?

(Sauron knocks the Narrator unconscious)

Borimir: Thank you, he talks too much.

Sauron (to himself): Okay, I’ve got three, just two more.

Borimir: Huh?

(Sauron ignores him and heads to Mirkwood)

Borimir: Did you know talking to yourself is the first sign of old age?

(Sauron hits Borimir and continues his journey)

Borimir: ow.

(While in Mirkwood, Sauron spots an elf ahead of them and grabs him by the hair)

Legolas: My hair! Hiya! (Legolas karate chops Sauron and burns his hand) ow!

(Sauron pulls Legolas into a sack by his hair)

Legolas: You messed up my hair!

Sauron: oh no! That’s my last sack!

Borimir: Welcome to the group, Legolas

Legolas: *sob*

Galadriel: Huh? What happened?

Sauron: Great! Now every one is waking up! No talking!

Galadriel: Why am I in a sack?

Sauron: Because I am taking you guys captive until I get my ring back. Now shut up. I just hope the Narrator doesn’t wake up.

Galadriel: I don’t have your ring!

Borimir: I don’t have your ring!

Legolas: I don’t have your ring!

Narrator: …

(Sauron throws the 4 sacks over his shoulder and heads to Rivendell)

Galadriel, Legolas, Borimir: Shoulder?

Narrator: …

Galadriel: Why are we going to Rivendell?

(Sauron ignores her)

Galadriel: I’ll ask the Narrator, then. He knows what the story is about. (moves to wake the Narrator)

Sauron, Legolas, Borimir: NO!

Narrator: TOO LATE! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA!

(Sauron, Legolas, and Borimir all glare at Galadriel)

Galadriel: How can you glare at me? I’m in a bloody sack!

Narrator: Finally they reach Rivendell. And who should they come in contact with that the one and only-

Legolas: Oh no! Not him!

Narrator: Aragorn!

Aragorn: What?

Sauron: no! You alerted him! This just makes things harder.

Aragorn: Huh? Hey why do you have four sacks over your shoulder?

Narrator: HE’S AN EYE! YOU IDIOTS! HE! HAS! NO! SHOULDER!!!

(Sauron knocks the Narrator unconscious)

Narrator: again *faints*

Aragorn: That wasn’t very nice.

Sauron: You know what else isn’t very nice?!

(Sauron grabs Aragorn by the neck and throws him into one of his sacks)

Narrator (wakes up): and because he has no extra sacks, Aragorn gets thrown in with-

Legolas: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Aragorn: Hello, Leggy, fancy seeing you here.

Legolas: Don’t call me Leggy, Gorny!

Aragorn: Don’t call me Gorny, Leggy!

Legolas: Gorny!

Aragorn: Leggy!

Legolas: Gorny!

Aragorn: Leggy!

Legolas: Gorny!

Aragorn: Leggy!

Narrator: And while this is going on for two more hours, Sauron is getting fed up with it and knocks three of us out cold (Narrator along with Legolas and Aragorn faint)

Sauron: Thank goodness.

Galadriel: Does this story have a point?

Narrator (wakes up): of course! We are just going to reach the main point in-

(Sauron knocks the Narrator out cold)

Sauron: Now if you five will follow me-

Galadriel: Like we have a choice!

Sauron (glares): If you will follow me I will lead you to where we are to get to my ship

Galadriel: Ship?

Sauron: Space ship to be exact. I don’t want you five to get loose.

Galadriel: …?

Sauron: Those three are out for a while so I’m gonna have to knock you two out also.

Galadriel: No need. Borimir is asleep and I promise not to look where we are going.

Sauron: Nice try, but sorry-

Galadriel: *faints*

Sauron: Well that takes care of that.

(Sauron carries the four sacks and five people over to a place I can’t tell you where and are beamed up to his space ship)

Sauron: Home sweet home!

(Sauron then dumps the five people out of the sacks. They wake up immediately)

Legolas: Where are we?

Aragorn: I don’t know.

Legolas: I wasn’t asking you, Gorny!

Aragorn: Well I answered anyway, Leggy!

Legolas: Gorny!

Aragorn: Leggy!

Legolas: Gorny!

Aragorn: Leggy!

Legolas: Gorny!

Aragorn: Leggy!

Narrator: And while this is going over again-

All: SHUT UP!

(Narrator shuts up)

Sauron: Now if you will follow me

All: *follow*

Narrator: He led us into a circular room that had 10 chairs in it.

Sauron (glaring at the Narrator): SIT!

All: *sit*

Narrator: As we all sit down- (screams) Chains come and hold us in place! Oh no!

Sauron: *evil laugh* Now, I am sorry to say that the usual sort of torture that I do has worn off and I am doing a new kind. You all will be forced to read really bad fan fiction about yourselves. Unless you get me my ring back you will be reading bad fan fiction for the rest of your lives! Evil laugh!

Borimir: why did you just say ‘evil laugh’?

Sauron: It’s easier than really laughing evilly.

Borimir: oh.

Sauron: So now let’s get to business. I don’t like how these seats are arranged, so we are going to switch places a bit.

(Aragorn and Legolas look nervous)

Sauron, Okay now. Let’s see. Let’s go Galadriel, Borimir, the Narrator Legolas and then-

Legolas and Aragorn: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Sauron: *evil laugh* BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Narrator: And suddenly the chairs moved so that we are now in the order of Galadriel, Borimir, Me, Le-

Aragorn: Leggy!

Legolas: Gorny!

Aragorn: Leggy!

Legolas: Gorny!

Aragorn: Leggy!

Legolas: Gorny!

Aragorn: Leggy

Galadriel: Shut up!

Legolas: You shut up, Gladiator!

Galadriel: If I weren’t chained up right now, I’d slap you, Leggy!

Legolas: Sorry, but you are chained up right now, Gladiator!

Galadriel: Leggy!

Legolas: Gladiator!

Aragorn: Leggy!

Legolas: Gorny!

Borimir: Hey, that’s not fair! Two against one?

Galadriel: Shut up, Borry!

Borimir: What did I do?

Legolas (laughing): Borry! That’s a good one!

Borimir: Leggylulu!

Legolas: …!

Aragorn: …

Narrator: …

Galadriel: …

Sauron: …?

Legolas: Borry! Borry! Borry!

Aragorn: Leggylulu (Laughs until there are tears in his eyes and running down his cheeks)

Borimir: Leggylulu!

Galadriel: Borry! Gorny! Leggylu- (laughs along with Aragorn)

Narrator: You people are weird.

(All of them keep yelling at each other until suddenly;)

Sauron: QUIET!!!

All: …

Sauron: Thank you. Now would you all face the screen. (all face screen)

Narrator: Then suddenly, on the screen came a story.

Sauron: Here is the first bad fan fiction. I’m starting lightly, but as time goes on they will get worse. Now READ!

Galadriel: Who’s gonna make- Hey! I can’t stop reading!

Legolas: Me neither! And it’s only the author’s summery!

Aragorn: What did you do?

Sauron: I had Saruman put one of his spells on it so that no one can take their eyes off of it! Evil laugh!

All: oh no!

Narrator: We have no choice but to read on.

//”Legolas’ New Hair Style”

“By Orcsipoo”\

Aragorn: This should be good!

Legolas: *sob*

Bormir: What kind of name is’Orcsipoo’?

(Behind Borimir an orc growls)

//”One day Legolas went over to his bestest friend’s house

‘Aragorn! How are you ol’ boy?'”\

Aragorn and Legolas: NOOOOOOOO!

Legolas: Since when was Gorny my best friend?

Aragorn: Don’t ask me!

//”‘I’ve been just fine, Legolas. How’s it going with you?’ Aragorn answered.

‘Oh, same old. I say I love what you did with your hair!’ Legolas pointed to Aragorn’s hair which was tied back into two small piggy-tails.”\

Legolas: *laughs uncontrollably*

Aragorn: *stares in horror*

//”‘Do you really like it? I had to beg Arwen to do it for me,’ commented Aragorn.

‘You think she would do something for my hair?” Legolas asked.

‘She’s not here right now. Want me to do it for you?’

‘Sure that would be great!'”\

Aragorn: As if I would ever touch that greasy, yellow, mop on your head!

Legolas: Greasy? I wouldn’t say anything Mr. “Go-for-a-year-long-road-trip- to-Mordor-without-washing-my-hair-the-whol- time”!

Galdriel: Will you two shut up and keep reading!? This is getting good! (Galadriel eats some popcorn from a bowl being passed around)

//”So Aragorn invited Legolas into his house and Legolas sat down in a chair. Aragorn started fixing his hair. When he wqas doen, Legolas looked ito the mirror and gasped.

‘This is great!’ he said. Aragorn had made two braided piggy-tails in his hair. ‘I’m gonna go visit Gimli and tell him I have better braids than him! Thanx Estel!’

‘Anytime, Greenlef!’

The End”\

(Aragorn and Legolas stare in horror)

(Galadriel, Bormir, and the Narrator applaud)

Narrator: I think I could live with this.

Sauron: Oh really? Then let’s get one about you.

Narrator: How can that be? I’m not famous. No one pays attention to the Narrator. Why do you think I talk so much? I need to get attention somehow. It’s not easy knowing the story and only saying it bit by bit. You know-

Sauron: Orcsipoo! Put the next story in!

(The orc behind Borimir moved to put in the next story:)

//”A ROUGH DAY FOR THE NARRATOR

A story very quickly written by Sauron, Lord of the Rings”\

Narrator: Oh no! You just now wrote this just to be mean to me?

(Sauron smiles evilly)

//” One day the Narrator was narrating…”\

All: Well DUH!

Sauron: Silence! Read!

//”… when he tripped and fell on his face. Everyone laughed. The End.”\

All: *stare in shock*

Narrator: *shrieks*

Galadriel (covering ears): Will someone shut him up?!

(An orc duct-tapes Narrator’s mouth shut)

Galadriel: Thank you.

(Sauron is talking to one of his orcs)

Sauron: Okay bring him in.

(The orc goes to the door and walks back in carrying a sack. Out of the sack he dumps Gimli in a chair in between the Narrator and Legolas)

Gimli: Okay, where am I? Hello, Legolas. What’s going on?

Legolas: *explains the torture*

Gimli (turns white): That’s worse than the usual torture!

Borimir: Actually, it’s quite entertaining when its aimed at someone else.

Sauron: Oh really, Borimir? Then let’s see how you like this one.

Borimir: oh no

//”Borimir Falls in Love

By an Orc”\

Borimir (goes white): oh no!

Galadriel: This should be a good one (continues eating popcorn.)

//”One day Borimir was asleep, when a fairy came and tapped him on his nose saying, ‘The next female you see you will fall in love with,’

The next day, Borimir traveled to Lothlorien.”\

Galadreil: NO! They had better not! If they do I’ll.

//”On the way there he ran into Galadriel, the lady of light-“\

Galadriel: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

//”The moment he saw her he ran and said to her, ‘I love you!'”\

Borimir: *tries to hide his eyes but fails because of the chains*

Galadriel: *gawks* *shrieks uncontrollably*

(An orc has to duct-tape her mouth shut)

//”Galadriel runs away to Celeborn. Borimir cries.

The End”\

Borimir: I’ll get you your ring! Just don’t do that again!

Legolas: *kicks Borimir* We can’t give up yet! Be strong!

Borimir: *whimper*

Sauron: I’m actually quite enjoying this. I don’t think I’ll stick to the regular plan for a while.

All: *cries*

Sauron: Okay, We’ve gotten Legolas, Aragorn, the Narrator-

Narrator: *mouth still duct-taped* mmugk yooo!

Sauron: Language, Narrator, lanuage. Now as I waas saying we only have Gimli left. Then we shall start over again.

Gimli: *whimper*

TBC

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