Disclaimer: I have never or will ever own anyone or thing in this fiction.

Most of the LoTR cast were gathered at the Prancng Pony knocking back some pints when suddenly the outside door flew open and Legolas came striding into the room.

“Everyone! Listen, I found out what’s going to be in the Extended Edition of Return!” he said.

Cries of “What? How? Am I in it” filled the air.

Legolas continued. “I was in talking to PJ – ”

“Hiding from fangirls is more like it,” snorted Frodo. “I saw them pounding down the road, screaming ‘Orli! Leggy!'” He rolled his eyes.

Legolas looked down at the Hobbit. “I seem to recall half that mob was yelling, ‘Frodo! Lijah!’ And didn’t I see you dive into the men’s room?”

“Nature’s call.”

The Elf just raised his eyebrows.

Gandalf thwapped Legolas with his staff. “Will you two knock it off? All during the filming it was Legolas and Gimli bickering, and now that the movies are out, it’s Legolas and Frodo.” He paused. “So tell me, did my confrontation with the Witch-King make it in? It’s my best work of the whole trilogy and to have it end up on the cutting-room floor!” He grumbled and muttered under his breath; the rest of the cast caught something suspiciously like “curse of the Valar.”

“I thought the scene with the Balrog was your best, but yeah, the bit with the Witch-King is in,” Legolas replied.

Gandalf and the Witch-King exchanged high-fives, while Shadowfax shook his mane with delight.

Saruman removed the pipe clenched between his teeth. “Did the Great White Director wise up and put Wormtongue and me back in? We add such angst to the picture.”

“It already has enough angst, Sharkey. However, you two are back in; Wormtongue throws the palantír, though the wizard-ka-bob is out.”

“Thank goodness.” The ex-wizard heaved a sigh of relief. “That is SO not canon.”

As a shadow fell across the room, Legolas quickly added, “Yeah, Treebeard, you’re in that part also. And I believe I saw Quickbeam also, if you want to pass it on.”

“Hoom-hom, I’ll just do that. Thank you, young Master Elf.”

At this point, Éowyn spoke up. “What about me? Is my scene in the Houses of Healing in? I got to wear the prettiest clothes.”

“Yes, that’s in. And he included your little romance with Faramir,” Legolas answered.

Éowyn smiled. “Oooh, I get kissed on-screen?” She glanced at Faramir and the two of them grinned when the Elf nodded in reply.

Shelob descended from the ceiling but before she could utter a word, he said, “No, She. PJ decided you were scary enough, so the audience doesn’t need to see you eating an Orc.” The giant spider hissed and returned to the ceiling.

Before anyone else could ask another question, Legolas signaled the waitress. “RB, a ginger ale, please.”

“Coming right up, Master Elf.”

Just then Aragorn and Gimli, having finished their game of darts, returned to the table.

Arwen asked, “So who won the game? As if I didn’t know.”

Gimli laughed, “I did. Forty-two.”

Aragorn smirked. “Forty-two! Not bad for a bearded short man, but I myself had forty-three.” Gimli glowered but kept quiet. “So what’s this all about?” the king inquired.

“Legolas found out who’s in the Extended Edition,” Arwen replied.

Aragorn laughed. “Hiding from fangirls in PJ’s office again?” He took a long drink from his mug and then asked, “How much more screen time do I get, mellon nin?

Legolas set down his ginger ale and raised an eyebrow. “Elf-envy, oh scruffy one. Pure Elf-envy. And no, you don’t get any more screen-time. You already have 43 lines for each time I have one.”

Arwen looked crestfallen but the blonde Elf continued. “Cheer up, O Queen of Gondor. The scene with you hugging your ada is back in.”

Arwen gave a sweet smile as Legolas turned to Elrond. “And fans will finally get to see you say that line that was in the all the trailers: Every path you have trod through wilderness, yadda, yadda, yadda.'”

Elrond nodded and slipped on a pair of sunglasses. “Thank you, Mr. Legolas.”

At this Denethor frowned. “Wrong movie, ‘Mr.’ Elrond.” He then turned to the blonde Elf. “Did the GWD include my bit with the palantír? Otherwise, fans think I’m a raving lunatic.”

“I think so, but Fran came into the room just then and I left. She was going to do her Nazgûl scream again.”

Everyone shuddered at this. “Good thinking, Leggy,” Éomer said.

Legolas gave a sidewise glance at the horseman, but contented himself with answering, “Oh wise King of the Mark, your battlefield scene with Théoden made it into the EE.”

Laughing, the two Rohirrim knocked their steins together and took a long drink.

Gimli glared at the blonde Elf, who returned the look. “So Master Elf, are you going to tell me?”

“Tell you what?”

“You know very well what!” the Dwarf roard.

Legolas continued looking at Gimli.

Finally the Dwarf burst out, “Our drinking game!”

“Yes,” Legolas laughed. “The drinking game is in.”

“And I win, right?”

“Master Dwarf, anyone with half a brain already knows I win the game! I’m on the veranda when Pippin steals the palantír, and while he’s writhing on the floor, you’re snoring in the corner.”

Gimli muttered under his breath and went to look for sympathy from Galadriel.

Boromir looked hopefully at Legolas. “Did I make it into the EE”?”

“Fraid not. You died two movies ago; you’re lucky you got into the theatrical version.”

“NOT fair! I could have had a nice voice-over as Aragorn was crowned. ‘I would have followed you my brother, my captain, my king!’ Or better yet, as Faramir was charging Osgiliath, you would hear me yelling, ‘For Gondor! For Gondor!'”

Faramir smacked down his stein. “That is so NOT cool, Boromir! Trust you to keep horning in, even though you’re dead. Next thing you know, you’ll want to be the godfather of our baby.”

Gandalf and Saruman both rumbled, “Godfathers are not canon, dear boy,” while Arwen cooed, “A baby? When? Why didn’t you tell me? I want to throw the baby shower.”

Éowyn smiled, “We were going to tell everyone next week at the cast picnic. Guess Faramir couldn’t wait.”

Pippin shouted, “RB, drinks for everyone – on me!”

Legolas quickly advised the busy waitress, “Make Éowyn’s ginger ale. She’s drinking for two now.”

She quickly brought more pints to the crowd. Pippin jumped onto the table and proposed a toast to Faramir, Éowyn and baby, to which everyone cheerfully drank.

The Eye of Sauron, unable to raise a mug, glared at the blonde Elf. “I trust I got more screen time in the EE. After all, I’m the one named in all the titles.”

“Sorry no. Apparently the Tolkien purists thought the searching eyeball too much like a lighthouse.” The Eye glowered as Legolas continued, “But the Mouth of Sauron should be making a brief appearance.”

“Alright!” the Eye shouted. “High-fives!” The cast all looked at each other and backed away. “Uh, that’s okay,” Aragorn muttered.

Just then Sam piped up. “Mr. Legolas, sir, what about Mr. Frodo? There’s more stuff of him going through Mordor, right? After all, he’s the real hero of the movie.”

Legolas smiled. “Yes, Sam, I do believe there’s another scene of you two trudging across the plains of Gorgoroth.”

Sam persisted. “Do we get to see Rosie dancing again, with ribbons in her hair?”

“Don’t think so, Sam.” Legolas finished his drink and helped himself to some pretzels. Just then, the Elf felt a tug on his tunic and looked down to see Pippin.

“What about Merry and me? We had some awfully good stuff left out.”

“Merry gets to swear fealty to Théoden, and of course, you’re in the scene when Gandalf faces the Witch-King.”

“But don’t we have a scene in the Houses of Healing also? I mean, how else does Merry get well enough to ride with us to the Black Gate?”

“Don’t know, Pip. Sorry.”

“And what about Smeágol? Poor, poor Smeágol,” a whining voice asked.

Legolas retorted, “Gollum, you tried to kill our hero several times. Be content with that.”

He then looked around the room. “Well, I think that covers everyone. Any more questions?”

Aragorn stalked over to his friend. “You said I didn’t get any more screen time, but now I hear the Houses of Healing will be in the EE. So I do get more. What’s with that?”

“Gotcha, oh scruffy one!” Everyone chuckled as Arwen told the King to sit down and stop making a nuisance of himself.

Frodo looked up at Legolas with his melting blue eyes and asked, “What about you? Do you have any more scenes besides the drinking game?”

The Elf snorted. “Just some more of me yelling ‘Aragorn!’ as the troll is trying to squash him into jelly. You’d think that’s the only word my script writer knows. ‘Legolas sees Aragorn in danger and shouts his name’. Next movie I’m demanding more lines.”

Arwen smiled at him. “Leggy, there aren’t any more LoTR movies.”

“Oh yeah, right. Bummer.” He ruminated for a few moments and then said, “I hear some guy named Bruckheimer is making a movie about pirates. Do you think maybe I could get a part?”

Everyone burst out laughing at the thought of the Wood-Elf in a pirate movie. Legolas smiled ruefully, bought the cast another round, and then headed out, after leaving RB a very generous tip.

As he walked down the dark road, he noticed something gleaming on the ground. Picking it up, he found it was a gold medallion on a chain. “Wonder where this came from,” he thought. “Well, I’ll turn it into Lost and Found tomorrow.” As he continued down the road, a fog started rolling in.

* * * The End * * *

P.S. This is strictly my extrapolation, based on what’s on disc 2 of the RotK dvd, and interviews. I have no advance knowledge – don’t I wish!