Things NOT to do while watching LOTR in the theater…
1. Block the entrance to the theater while screaming: “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!”
2. Play a drinking game where you have to take a sip every time someone says: “The Ring.”
3. Point and laugh whenever someone dies.
4. When Aragorn is crowned king, stand up and at the top of your lungs sing, “And I did it…. MY way…!”
5. Talk like Gollum all through the movie. At the end, bite off someone’s finger and fall down the stairs.
6. Dress up as old ladies and reenact “The Battle of Helms Deep” Monty Python style.
7. When Denethor lights the fire, shout “Barbecue!”
8. In TTT when the Ents decide to march to war, stand up and shout “RUN FOREST, RUN!”
9. Every time someone kills an Orc, yell: “That’s what I’m Tolkien about!”
10. See how long it takes before you get kicked out of the theatre.
11. During a wide shot of a battle, inquire, “Where’s Waldo?”
12. Start an Orc sing-a-long.
13. When they go in the paths of the dead, wait for tense moment and shout, “I see dead people!”
14. Release a jar of daddy-long-legs into the theater during the Shelob scene.
15. Wonder out loud if Aragorn is going to run for governor of California.
16. When Shelob comes on, exclaim, “Man! Charlotte’s really let herself go!”
17. Go to the movie dressed as Shelob and when she captures Frodo loudly inquire “Hmmm… How should I eat this hobbit? Extra poisoned or original recipe? Or maybe I should go with raw, with a slight hint of paralysis?”
18. Lead everyone in the theater into doing Frodo’s “chicken dance” (Thanks for that idea Miss Gollum!)

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