To Maedhros by Nyérëven
(Author’s note–I’m not that great at poetry so please read and review so that I can know where I need to improve! Thanks! ))
Why must you leave me now behind
when once you held our friendship dear?
I see your white sails, now far away
And realize you’ve abandoned me here.
What evil brings you to these deeds
to slay the innocent, then forsake your kin?
I would never think you would come to this,
to so easily commit such grievous sin.
Could you not hear the elven cries?
Or see the pain on every face?
The battle was not honorable
It was an atrocious disgrace!
And then you and your brothers simply left
the rest, without any care
What are we to do, may I now ask
Return to Valinor in despair?
Please, consider what you’ve done
And pray that the Valar’s pardon you’ll gain.
Although you have forsaken us now
I wish that the best you may obtain.
For I cannot believe you truly knew what you did
when you entered Alqualondë and started to fight.
I cannot believe you knew they were unarmed,
But that you just followed your father into the night.
Maedhros, if only you could here me now
You have my pardon and forgiveness.
May you one day, make a return to the light
And there find peace, and happiness.
6 Comments
I’ve never been a fan of poetry, but I saw the names of Maedhros and Fingon, my two Silm obsessions, so I decided to read your poem.
Very nice, very nice indeed. You captured the emotions that Fingon must have felt.
Hi Rev
Found this while browsing in the poetry section.
I think it is very nicly written. It feels like you were there. Keep writing!
Nan
Not that good at poetry you say? ha! If you wrote that poem, you may have full right to say you are a poet! You wrote a very good poem and you should be proud of yourself! I do not even know the story of Maedhros, but as I read your poem I felt I did. Very good work, please keep writing and posting!
*waves to Slayer* *waves to Rev* *waves to people who lilpippin doesnt know but percieves as nice* Rev, this is very good..and you say that *I* am hard on myself *rolls eyes* You should put this up on TFOM. It is hard to make something that *searches for adjective* deep rhyme, you did this very well. good job! (PS: try writing one about your pickles)lol- Pip
I think this is a good start, just a few suggestions.
Quick nitpick: “here” in the last stanza should be spelled “hear.”
I think the rhythm is rough in a few places. Try reading it out loud, comparing it to poems that use meter, or something. Also, I think it ends too happily; Fingon makes up his mind to forgive Maedhros right away. We do know that he went to Thangorodrim thinking Maedhros had participated in burning the ships, but . . . it seems too sudden to come up in the poem. (But I’ve done reinterpretation in my poems, so maybe I shouldn’t talk. Give it some thought, though.)
I just love it! Beautiful imagery, and I really like how you can sense Fingon’s sadness and denial. Great job!