“Ai! Eru, this day cannot be happening,” thought Elrond as he walked through the halls of Imladris. First he prepares a long speech about the dangers of the one ring, and nobody listens, and Figwit actually starts to snore! And to top it all off, that big headed human from Gondor went off on that long macho rant contradicting everything he had said. Well at least someone listened, and he comforted himself with that fact. Now he was going to go to bed, no interruptions, no late night working, just straight to bed. There was not a sound to be heard, and he almost felt himself falling asleep on his feet. It was too quiet. Much too quiet. But he didn’t care. He dragged himself the last couple of steps to the door of his room, and walked in. And found himself staring at half the council attendees sitting in a circle on the floor of HIS room.
“Wha-a-at?” he stammered.
“Ah!” exclaimed Glorfindel. “You’re here.”
“Hu-h?” Elrond was still at a loss for words.
“Oh…didn’t you receive an invitation?”

“Glorfindel, could I have a word with you?” Elrond pulled him out of the room and into the hall. “What is the Meaning of This? Why are there a dozen elves, men, and dwarves not to mention a maia doing on the floor of my Bedroom? I swear… if I find a hobbit anywhere in that room- you will be dead soon. If it’s Pippin, you will wish for death.”
“Well…about a month ago, when we were planning this council, I took the liberty of inviting a few people around for an after council game of truth or dare.”
“Truth or dare?” Elrond said in the voice of an unsure child.
“Yes Elrond, truth or dare. Come on, it’ll be fun!”
“Alright…” This was going to be one long night.

Meanwhile, Boromir was sitting on the floor with some elves. Some poncy, pretty, girly elves. And they were playing truth or dare. When he had received the invitation last month he thought it was a joke. Apparently it was not. Anyways, he couldn’t back out of it now, not without looking like a sissy. And he certainly didn’t want anyone to think of him as less than masculine.

“Alright.” said Glorfindel as he sat down, “You all know how to play, right? “There was a murmured unanimous yes. “Who wants to go first?”
“I am going first,” said Elrond, glaring at Glorfindel. “Aragorn.”
“Yes, um, Sir?” Aragorn could sense that things could not go well. Elrond’s eyes were just shining.
“Truth or dare?”
“Dare.”
“I dare you to stop loving my daughter.” Elrond finally had hope.
“Uh… consequences!”
“Die.”
“What?”
“Cease to live…”
“Consequences!”
“…stop breathing…”
“Oh, Elrond, give him a break.” Glorfindel said in a reproving tone.
“Fine. Aragorn, write Arwen a letter after drinking a whole bottle of Elven wine.”
“After I give my dare. Boromir.”
“What?” Boromir hadn’t been paying any attention, being lost in his own mind sulking.
“Truth or Dare?”
“Dare.” Boromir thrust his chest out slightly, as if to say, ‘What can be more manly than a Dare?’
“Kiss Figwit.” Aragorn smirked evilly.
“Excuse me? No no no no NO! I’m not kissing that fag! Consequences!”
Figwit looked amused.
“Are you gay?” asked Aragorn.
“Yes-no-yes-no no no no NO!”
“I think we’ve got our answer.”
“No…” Now Boromir was pleading. All he needed was for these rumours to reach Gondor. And Denethor.
“Boromir, it’s okay.”
“Mpfh.”
“Now you get to ask someone.”
Boromir looked around for someone insignificant. That old guy over there didn’t look too important.
“Uh, you.”
“My name is Gandalf.”
“Truth or Dare.”
“Truth.”
“Truth?”
“Yes, Truth. Unlike some of you, I do not need to constantly re-assure myself of my own masculinity.”
Okay then. Now for an unassuming question. “Where were you at 3 o’clock yesterday?” Gandalf immediately blanched. “Consequences!”
“How about 2 o’clock?”
“I tell you, I had nothing to do with…” Everyone was staring at him with a mixture of confusion and curiosity.
“Yes?”
“Never mind. Elladen and Elro-.”
“Dare.” they said in unison.
“All right then, I dare you to take a bath in Galadriel’s mirror next time you are in Lothlorien.”
“Will do. Glorfindel.”
“Yes?”
“Truth or Dare?”
“Dare.” Elladen and Elrohir turned to each other with identical looks of contemplation. Then Elrohir whispered something in Elladen’s ear.
“Mmhmm. Glorfindel, we dare you to steal Celeboring’s diary next time you’re in Lothlorien. And you have to show it to us to prove it.”
“Wait a second, Celeborn does not have a diary!” interrupted Haldir.
“And how would you know?”
“I’ve checked very care…er I don’t know.”
“Well maybe you haven’t checked hard enough.”
“Okay, Elrond.”
“Hey!” piped up Gloin. “I’m catching wind of some unjust prejudices here. Not a single dwarf has been picked so far. It’s just unfair.”
“Perhaps you would like to be next?”
“Er…” He looked un-certain. Standing up for the rights of his people was one thing. Being dared, another thing entirely. “Here’s my son, Gimli. He wouldn’t mind.”
“Now that that’s settled… What do you want, Legolas?”
“Um… Glorfindel, perhaps I could have the honour of doing Gimli?” Glorfindel madly tried to cover up his laughter at Legolas’s amusing way of phrasing things.
“Are you okay Glorfindel? Can I get you any water?”
“No- I’m-fine.”
“If you’re sure. Gimli.”
“Yes, yes, yes.”
“Truth or Dare?”
“Dare.”
“I Dare you to say Elves are Better than dwarves.”
“No! I will most certainly not!”
“What won’t you say?”
“I will not say Elves are better than Dwarves!”
“Ha-ha! You just said it.”
“I did not!”
“Yes you did.”
“I did not say Elves are better!”
“There, you said it again.”
“NO!”
“Calm down you two.” said Glorfindel, again being the peacekeeper.
“Are challenges permitted?”
“I think so.”
“Elf!”
“You called?”
“I challenge you to an orc killing contest.”
“What are the rules?”
“Whoever kills the most orcs by the time we leave Rohan wins.”
“You’re on.”
“Okay guys, now it’s my turn to ask someone.” Glorfindel was growing impatient.
“Go ahead.”
“Elrond.”
“I suppose it’s my turn.”
“Truth or Dare.”
“Dare.”
“I dare you to take off your clothes, and streak through the kitchens.”
“Alright.”
“What? You’re accepting?”
“Yes. Only wimps take consequences.” Elrond sent a pointed look in Aragorn’s direction, and began stripping. “Ooh, he’s hot,” thought Boromir. “Wait! No! I did not just think that!”

As Elrond left, Legolas commented, “I wonder if he’ll actually do it?”
“Well, the kitchens are right below us, and the patio is open, so we should be able to hear.” And sure enough, after a couple of moments, they heard several screams coming from the kitchens. Elrond ran into the room breathless.
“The head cook… chased… frying pan… ran…”

Meanwhile, Arwen was in her room. It seemed like the guys always had all the fun. Having secret councils that she wasn’t allowed to attend, and what did she overhear Elladen and Elrohir talking about? A sleepover party? And wasn’t it going to be in her father’s room? That’s what she was going to do; she was going to be bold! Spontaneous! She was going to crash that party! Girl Power! And besides, Aragorn was there too. She walked off in a determined manner towards her father’s bedroom. Arwen put her hand on the doorknob, turned it, and flung the door open. And saw her father much more than half naked, completely out of breath, with more than twelve people staring at him. All of them male.
“Daddy…?”

Epilogue

It was a quiet day in Lothlorien. Galadriel was sitting at a small table outside, waiting for Celeborn to come. When he finally did, he looked rather flustered.
“Darling, have you seen my diary?”
“Why no. Is it missing?”
“Apparently so.”
“You’re sure you’ve checked everywhere? Remember what happened when you said you lost your favourite shirt.”
“Yes, I’m sure.”
“Oh well. By the way, you’ll never guess who I found in my bathtub- er mirror this morning.”

Dear Arwen,

What time is it it is late VERY late I almost forgot how to spell latte! I mean, latte! Latte! Latte! Latee? LATE!

This is funny I could spell that funy! You know if I wanted to but I don’t. I love you do you remember Lothlorien? I thought you were pretty not that I don’t now Eru, if you mis-interpreted that then you might not like me and I like you! Like a pretty star… I drank a lot of elven wine. A lot. I like wine. I just laughed we are playing truth or dare and I chose dare I am really manly.

But then Gandalf didn’t CHOOSE dare. He chose truth and then he was sad that he chose truth because he did something bad and Boromir asked if he did something bad and he did something bad so he was really sad that he chose truth because- oh wait! I think I told you! Write me back if I didn’t tell you because it was really funny! Maybe I should tell you again. Better safe than sorry! Okay but I forgot too bad it was funny.

I don’t want the ring. I don’t want it well- I KIND of want it but not that much I will protect Frodo from orcs.

Hey I just thought if something maybe I will remember the story about Gandalf LATER and then I could tell it to you! And then you would no.

Arwen,

At this point, Aragorn fell asleep and threw up. Is this really the person that you wish to marry? If you are having doubts, I assure you I will be ready to hear them and be a shoulder to cry on. A broken heart is never pleasant, but I am sure that there are more young, handsome FIRST-BORN men that you could marry. This is a fine example of the follower’s disposition. Even their king! I assure you that we had drunk NO type of wine. This letter was merely affected by his stupidity. Who are you to trust on that? Me, your loving father? Or the drunk? I mean… stupid second-born. Now, now Arwen. He was always a bit funny in the head.

Elrond

Dear sister,

Really. I mean… honestly, Arwen!

Elladan and Elrohir