Disclaimer: Yes, I have read Diary of a Fangirl and the VSD’s, but I didn’t copy them!!!! This is the diary of a fangirl from MIDDLE EARTH (well, me)!!!

Day 1: Set out from HQ–Smaug’s old lair. Aired out the place and put in thousands of posters and lifesizes and plushies. 36 in our pack. Going after Legolas and Pippin. Legolas first, because he’s closer.

Day 2: Nothing happening. So bored. Only thought of tasty elves keeping me awake and running with the rest.

Day 3: Same as yesterday.

Day 4: Ran into large group of orcs. They had shiny stuff. Chased them. They ran away screaming when they saw us. Shiny stuff is useless glass ball. Other fangirls tossed it but I secretly shoved it in my pack. Is V. pretty. Shiny stuff rocks!

Day 5: have discovered V. interesting fact–when I go all dreamy-dreamy about Legolas, I can see him in shiny glass thingy. V. cool. Will not show others just yet.

Day 8: finally! Arrived in Mirkwood today, disguised as convoy from Elrond. Ha. They believed us. Too busy nancing around in search for some giant spider thingies to notice some of us drooling. Poncy, lovely, gorgeous, adorable….must stop momenarily as am drooling all over diary.
I am back. …….gits. Anyway, have come up with cunning plan: all fangirls will keep heads down and look only at helmeted guards. Haha! Am truly a genius.

Day 9: Helmeted guards way too buff to look at. Are they TRYING to force us to give ourselves away?!?! Really, how likely is it that ALL the helmeted guards just HAPPEN to have their shirts off? Must stop…drooling again…

Day 10: Saw prettiest deer today! We were walking along, when it barreled through and ran over Titania. V. good, as she was poncy, stuck up dwarf in the first place. Now she is even shorter. Next thing we know, an arrow comes out of nowhere and KILLS the pretty deer!!!!! Evil hunter steps out of the woods to reveal that he is SEXY!!! He is also…..LEGOLAS!!!! Mass drooling, swooning, attacking sex god of an elf. He called for help, so we had to snog him to shut him up. Damge was done, though. Two other yummy elves came into clearing. All human/dwarf fangirls started to attack them both–soon found out one of them was female. Redoubled attack on yummy elven BOYS. Elleth ran away during confusion.

Day 11: Damn. Caught.

Day 12: haha! They only have 11 elves to guard us…and a lot of rope and tranquilizer. Talked to head elf, who looks very harried. Said his name was Seagoll Glenfare. Noticed it was anagram of Legolas Greenleaf. He said yes, he was Legolas’ little brother. Thrandiul apparently not very creative fellow. Am allowed to keep my diary. And read stuff that I made up to an audience, but must be kept in straitjacket and/or leash. They will eventually run out of tranquilizer. I hope. Hopefully, before long another Legolas-stalking pack will come along and free us. Heard there is another pack coming this way from Frodo-tracking in Shire in a week. They’d better damn well hurry up….

Day 13: TAKE YOUR TIME, GIRLS!!!! Really sexy elves guarding us!!! Must stop–drooling AGAIN!
Haha! Elven guards get nervous when we mutter and swear–they’re all males. Seeing as how Legolas is under armed guard (ERU DAMNIT!!!), may have to start on these yummy guys first. Why would they have an all-male guard?!?! Oh well–NOT COMPLAINING!!!!

Day 14: Haha! Almost all of us have broken free of damn ropes at some point or another but can’t get past sexy guards–too tempting. Now understand why we have all-male guard. Clever.
TO BE CONTINUED??????

Oh, yes, btw, “elleth” is Elvish for “female elf”. A friend pointed out that in the context of the story, “elleth” looked like a name. Just wanted to clear that up. SATISFIED, KATIE?!?!?! *grumble grumble*

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