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Saeldess
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Post Translating a poem Help? Please?
on: February 12, 2005 04:06
I am incredibly new to the use of any of the elven languages and I need help tranlating.
My boyfriend is a fluent speaker of Sindarin and relatively good at Quenya. I have for the past few months been trying to find somwhere to gain help with tranlating and learning the langauges.
I am currently in the process of creating a gift for him and need help translating the silly poem I wrote for it. If there is anyone willing to help me here is the poem I need to translate:

Roses are red
And violets are blue
How could I not say
That I love you

I tripped, when first my gaze fell upon you.
And over the years I cannot say
How many times I have fallen
Into the deepness of your eyes

Few things in this world have made me laugh so hard
Like the moments you took me into your arms
And tickled me breathless

When you cry, it feels like the world has gone dark
And everything in my life has died
At times like that all I wish to do
Is make you smile again

Before you nothing could make my dreams come alive
And I was just living from day to day
Wallowing in pain

So all this in mind
And hoping that I can once again make you laugh
And considering this too be highly cliché
Will you be my valentine?

If anyone can help me with even the first stanza or two into Sindarin I would be eternal grateful!
Naneth
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Post RE: Translating a poem Help? Please?
on: February 12, 2005 08:21
Saeldess, for anything more than a quick one liner or two, we ask that you make an attempt at translation first, and then submit it to the forum for further suggestions. There are no words in Sindarin for "violets" or for the expression "how could I not".

If you're open to suggestions, maybe you could work on this being a bit more "Sindarin friendly", such as replacing "violets are blue" with "the ocean is blue" and replace "how could I not say" with "I wish to tell you". If that would be ok, the first stanza would be:

Roses are red
>>> Byrn meril

The ocean is blue
>>> I 'aearon luin

I wish to tell you
>>> Le aníron peded

I love you
>>> Le annon veleth nín

I was a bit happy that this actually rhymes in Sindarin !!
Saeldess
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Post RE: Translating a poem Help? Please?
on: February 13, 2005 04:04
OOps I'm sorry, i didn't realize this was too lonf for translation!
I had been trying to translate it earlier but just from the first line I see that i had it strangly.
I'll try to translate more of it and then post it again.
That stanza is wonderful! I would work nicely for what i am doing. Thankyou for taking the time to translate that for me.
--------

Okay I've tried to translate the second stanza which i've changed too:

I fell, when first I gazed upon thee
And over the years I know not
All the times I have fallen
Into the dee of your eyes

This is what i tried translating it as:

Le delu, ir erui le tiriel am lle
A thar I idhrinn le is al
Pan i anann le gar dannen
Nedo I tofn uin lle heneb

This I am sure would probably read like a child trying to write Sindarin but i hope its not too off.

[Edited on 13/2/2005 by Saeldess]
Fíriel
Enethdan Edhellen
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Post RE: Translating a poem Help? Please?
on: February 14, 2005 01:21
Hello Saeldess,

just before I proceed with my comments -- I in Sindarin is IM, -N when suffixed onto a verb form (known as a pronominal). YOU is thought to be LE (pronominals -CH or -L). LLE is incorrect, as it is a Grelvish, not Sindarin, form.

Anyway, these are just some comments and suggestions... Other people might have more to say as well.

Le delu, ir erui le tiriel am lle
I fell, when first I gazed upon thee


You need to use verbs for 'fell' and 'gazed'. Minui might be better than erui in this case, as erui (according to the DragonFlame dictionary) has the incorrect meaning of 'first'. So... Dannen, ir erui tirnin am le.

A thar I idhrinn le is al
And over the years I know not


Hmm. Not sure if one could use thar- like that, it being a prefix -- perhaps just remove the definite article. A negative particle needs to be used with a verb for 'know': a thar-idhrinn ú-iston.

Pan i anann le gar dannen
All the times I have fallen


Pân IMHO needs to agree with 'times' here, so Pain i lui -- lû, 'time', is better, being a noun, whereas anann is an adverb. Sindarin doesn't have the equivalent of an English present perfect tense, so you might have to use the past tense of 'fall': Pain i lui dannen.

Nedo I tofn uin lle heneb
Into the deep of your eyes


Ned might mean 'into', but it doesn't have an O at the end as well. Also, you can't really use an adjective to stand in for a noun... An alternate translation, although it might lose some meaning, could be ne chin dyfn lín, 'into your deep eyes'? -- ned causes stop mutation, and the adjective is lenited after the noun... Somebody else might come up with a better suggestion.
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