Welcome Guest 

Register

Forum Home » Community » CoE Announcements, Rules, & Feedback » Discussion of Forum Rules
Author Topic:
Rivka
Frodo Fanatic and Head Oligarch
Posts: 3760
Send Message
Avatar
Post Discussion of Forum Rules
on: June 02, 2002 08:54
I think most of the forum rules can be accepted as they are (though if one of them bothers you, speak up, and we'll discuss that, too). Recent events have caused us to re-evaluate one of the rules, though. Specifically:

Don't shoot off harassing or angry PM's to the poster you feel offended by. Just tell us and we'll deal with them before things go to far. Replying to offensive posts just encourages fighting and bickering and more angry and offensive posts and before you know it it's snow balled and out of control and people are storming off the board.


Let me tell you our thinking about this rule: Many of the people who visit this site are young, and perhaps unable to handle a confrontational situations (whether they be the offender or offendee). Hence we would prefer to be a sort of mediator in such situations to prevent any huge problems.

Now, we could put something in place that said "if you think you can handle it yourself over PM, go ahead, and if not, contact us." BUT, what if one person thinks they can handle the confrontation, and the other one can't? What then? They will be put in a very uncomfortable position where they will have to deal with the situation themselves, or come to us instead and face the scorn of the other person who clearly felt that they could handle it. Hence our decision to make it a blanket rule covering everybody.

We are greatly concerned about some people scaring or chasing other folks off through angry exchanges over PM. I've seen it happen far too often on other boards, which is why we prefer to have this system in place. If any of you have a better suggestion, we're all ears (er, eyes)
"We have done the impossible, and that makes us mighty."
Aowyn
Resident Shieldmaiden
Posts: 1232
Send Message
Avatar
Post RE: Discussion of Forum Rules
on: June 02, 2002 09:14
I might make myself unpopular (gulp!) here , but I hope not.... I personally feel the original rule should stay. I understand that there are some folks on the site who want to handle the situations that arise and some who would like it to stay the old way. Me, I'm for the old way, because I agree with what Rivka feels about younger people being on the site. I suppose if two people felt that they had to argue then they could give out their personal e-mail addresses and duke it out off-site. Yeah, I'm all for freedom of expression, etc, and I don't think people should be censored. But frankly to read arguments on the board is very depressing to me...it dampens my enthusiasm for the website, and frankly I think it has been a turn-off to some old posters and possible new posters when they come in to check out the site and see it on there. Not that I am blaming anyone who is involved...hey, we're all humans here, and we're entitled to make mistakes (and hopefully learn from them). But I think the old rule should apply. It is Rivka and M's website after all, and they didn't have to launch this awesome site. But they did, and it's theirs ultimately, and I don't feel like I should question that.....if I don't like the rules then obviously I don't have to post here, there are other sites.
It took me a long time to decide to post this, because I certainly don't want to offend anyone who is posting now or in the past......I don't know you all personally, but through posting on this site I do feel a certain fondness for all of you, and I hate what's been happening in the forums.
Anyway to wind up this long and possibly rambling post , my input is that I agree with the old rule.
HobbitFriend
Maps student, site patron and supporter
Posts: 91
Send Message
Avatar
Post RE: Discussion of Forum Rules
on: June 02, 2002 09:30
I vote that the original rule stay. It is better to be safe than sorry, and that is what the site rules are for, after all. The printed word can get misconstued, and this site is (happily, joyfully!) international in flavor--what I am trying to say is--the American language can be confusing and confounding! It has a lot of double-meaning and slang! So let the Admins bother with any problems! I wish we could all talk with each other, in addition to the typing--but such is the nature of web sites.
Elerrina
Lady of the Golden Wood
Posts: 2026
Send Message
Avatar
Post RE: Discussion of Forum Rules
on: June 02, 2002 10:53
The one time I was uncomfortable with how some posts were going, I did try to gently (!!) express my concern thru my own posts... and that did seem to work, that time (used lots of smilies). I figured Rivka would tell me privately if I went too far discussing it, but I thought I had to stick up for myself a bit, too... since my Newbie feelings were a bit hurt. No one wants to be painted in a negative way... sometimes it sticks.

That said, I think the rule about personal confrontations is a good one... just use it with good sense!! If that doesn't do it, let Admin officiate...

And I will let it be publicly known, cried from the Public Square as it were: I will never, ever say anything to hurt your feelings on purpose, ever!!! You're my family here, I care about each of you...

The End
SomeStranger
Council Member
Posts: 16
Send Message
Avatar
Post RE: Discussion of Forum Rules
on: June 02, 2002 01:25
Well, first, I thought that anyone who has to pick a fight should at least do that outside of the Council. But I doubt that's going to work - I mean, you ccan't just forget about whatever that's hurt you trhe second you go to this site, right?
So, I say yes t the old rules! But don't count on my opinion - I have never had a problem of this sort before and can't possibly know how that feels.
Council Member
Posts: 4948
Send Message
Post RE: Discussion of Forum Rules
on: June 02, 2002 02:37
I can see both sides of this....YES it is not a good idea for people to carry on Pm arguments and leave the forum as a result......

BUT I also think people have the right to PM, and that they should be precisely that Private Messages....

Sometimes the simplest of misunderstandings can be settled very quickly through PM

If you do not allow PM to be Private, then you are taking away the only private way to settle disagreements, talk about controversial issues in private, away from the rest, who may be offended or misunderstand......

YES I think the admins/mods should intefere if things are getting out of hand, but I think that should be up to the indiviual poster to contact them and ask for help/guidance/interception...........and THAT is the thing that should be made clear in the rules..............
Rivka
Frodo Fanatic and Head Oligarch
Posts: 3760
Send Message
Avatar
Post RE: Discussion of Forum Rules
on: June 02, 2002 03:40
That's a fair enough statement, Elril Galia. We're certainly not saying that people can't PM each other, or ask each other for clarification about things said in the forum. And we certainly don't intend to police the forums, to see if everybody is being buddy-buddy, and sending them PMs if they're not. What we are saying is that if there is a clear problem in which hurtful things might be said, it should go through us, rather than directly to each other. My hope is that such situations would be rare--we've only had a handful of them so far, and they were all (well, mostly ) resolved quickly and quietly through mediation on the parts of the admins.
"We have done the impossible, and that makes us mighty."
M
Queen of Orc Killers
Posts: 342
Send Message
Avatar
Post RE: Discussion of Forum Rules
on: June 02, 2002 04:12
Naw I say let them work it out themselves and annoy each other and start fights and take care of it themselves and not bother me with this nonsense I've got more important things to worry about then every time someones little feelings get hurt. You know let them argue it out, shoot off angry statements back and forth and bully one another until the forum and site degrades into total anarchy.

Of course then they'll be screaming for our interference.

(Please note the entire post is intended as sarcasm because as an Admin of this site and having been in charge of many other sites in the past it has always been my experience that people will resent you when you try to mediate for them but then when you don't they blame you for others outrageous behavior)
Lozza
Elven Huntress
Posts: 251
Send Message
Avatar
Post RE: Discussion of Forum Rules
on: June 02, 2002 04:27
If people want to fight it out off the site then there is nothing that any of use can do to stop them, however I feel using the services of this site for this purpose (which R pays for out of her own pocket) is rude and incosiderate, even if they are using private messages.

If people don't say anything to the admins and handle the matter in private then how are we going to find out about it? If someone is upset enough to contact admin about it then there is obviously something wrong and admin has every right to step in.

This site was not created for people fight it out or to make people unhappy. Misunderstandings will occur and the admin is here to help keep things from getting out of hand. The rules aren't that hard to follow, they are basic common sense and internet/chat/forum (and I would hope real life) curtisy.
Rivka
Frodo Fanatic and Head Oligarch
Posts: 3760
Send Message
Avatar
Post RE: Discussion of Forum Rules
on: June 02, 2002 04:31
LOL, you're damned if you do, damned if you don't, hmm M?

Howz about this then, to try and tidy up the wording of that rule:

Please use the private messaging feature of the site to contact users whose posts you desire clarification on, or to try and clear up simple misunderstandings. If a situation arises in which you feel offended or harassed (or someone has accused you of such) and it seems likely that mature communication will not be possible on the part of one or both parties, please contact the admins, and we will attempt to mediate or resolve the situation. If at any time you don't feel comfortable with a situation or a poster, please feel free to contact us--that's what we're here for
"We have done the impossible, and that makes us mighty."
M
Queen of Orc Killers
Posts: 342
Send Message
Avatar
Post RE: Discussion of Forum Rules
on: June 02, 2002 04:41
Let's put "contact your local Moderator first and then they will decide if we need involving"...you know we do have other things to do besides breaking up fights and making sure everyone is having a good time and all happy cheary.
Rivka
Frodo Fanatic and Head Oligarch
Posts: 3760
Send Message
Avatar
Post RE: Discussion of Forum Rules
on: June 02, 2002 04:47
LOL, okay:

Please use the private messaging feature of the site to contact users whose posts you desire clarification on, or to try and clear up simple misunderstandings. If a situation arises in which you feel offended or harassed (or someone has accused you of such) and it seems likely that mature communication will not be possible on the part of one or both parties, please contact the admins; we will review the situation, and if appropriate, attempt to mediate or resolve the situation. If at any time you don't feel comfortable with a situation or a poster, please feel free to contact us--that's what we're here for

Does that work?
"We have done the impossible, and that makes us mighty."
Figwit
Book Club Moderator & Misty Mountain Monster
Posts: 1966
Send Message
Avatar
Post RE: Discussion of Forum Rules
on: June 02, 2002 09:06
that works for me!

Just don't take away the 'do it yourself option' for the big girls please! I feel so unworthy of my adut age if small conflicts like these are taken from my hands.

sister Figwit * pleased *
M
Queen of Orc Killers
Posts: 342
Send Message
Avatar
Post RE: Discussion of Forum Rules
on: June 03, 2002 03:04
LOL, okay:

Please use the private messaging feature of the site to contact users whose posts you desire clarification on, or to try and clear up simple misunderstandings. If a situation arises in which you feel offended or harassed (or someone has accused you of such) and it seems likely that mature communication will not be possible on the part of one or both parties, please contact the admins; we will review the situation, and if appropriate, attempt to mediate or resolve the situation. If at any time you don't feel comfortable with a situation or a poster, please feel free to contact us--that's what we're here for

Does that work?



It's still the same?
Elerrina
Lady of the Golden Wood
Posts: 2026
Send Message
Avatar
Post RE: Discussion of Forum Rules
on: June 03, 2002 06:05
Yes, it was still the same.

As a Moderator, I wouldn't mind being a 'first alternative' for someone who has a problem (of any sort), especially if it's just an inappropriately worded post. That's my job as a Mod. If nothing else, I could just say, "Whoa!! Hold up there both of you... just cool off while I look at this stuff..." If I can spare the Admins a little stress, that would be a good thing... if not, believe me I would hand off any hot potatoes to Admin!!!

Would that be a sensible middle road (or Middle Earth road)??

Edited P.S.- Since arguments can run over from Forum to Forum, just like the fun does, I think just one Moderator should be involved... we don't need any games of "Let's You And Him Fight."

[Edited on 6/3/2002 by Elerrina]
Rivka
Frodo Fanatic and Head Oligarch
Posts: 3760
Send Message
Avatar
Post RE: Discussion of Forum Rules
on: June 03, 2002 07:27
No, it's not the same:

LOL, okay:

Please use the private messaging feature of the site to contact users whose posts you desire clarification on, or to try and clear up simple misunderstandings. If a situation arises in which you feel offended or harassed (or someone has accused you of such) and it seems likely that mature communication will not be possible on the part of one or both parties, please contact the admins; we will review the situation, and if appropriate, attempt to mediate or resolve the situation. If at any time you don't feel comfortable with a situation or a poster, please feel free to contact us--that's what we're here for

Does that work?



It's still the same?
"We have done the impossible, and that makes us mighty."
Elerrina
Lady of the Golden Wood
Posts: 2026
Send Message
Avatar
Post RE: Discussion of Forum Rules
on: June 03, 2002 07:54
Okay, Admins get all quarrelling 'potatoes' hot or not... even half-baked ones!!

Got it... i.e., 'don't call me, call them'.

[Edited on 6/3/2002 by Elerrina]
Rivka
Frodo Fanatic and Head Oligarch
Posts: 3760
Send Message
Avatar
Post RE: Discussion of Forum Rules
on: June 03, 2002 07:59
No, no, I'm happy to pass the buck, so to speak. I was just refuting you two saying that what I had posted before was the same. I haven't lost it that much yet! Here's a new modification with your suggestion:

Please use the private messaging feature of the site to contact users whose posts you desire clarification on, or to try and clear up simple misunderstandings. If a situation arises in which you feel offended or harassed (or someone has accused you of such) and it seems likely that mature communication will not be possible on the part of one or both parties, please contact a moderator or one of the admins; we will review the situation, and if appropriate, attempt to mediate or resolve the situation. If at any time you don't feel comfortable with a situation or a poster, please feel free to contact us--that's what we're here for
"We have done the impossible, and that makes us mighty."
Elerrina
Lady of the Golden Wood
Posts: 2026
Send Message
Avatar
Post RE: Discussion of Forum Rules
on: June 03, 2002 08:04
*** Big kiss for Rivka on cheek***

You are so nice... what I gem you are!! You must have had Job as a mentor somewhere along the way...

Okay, call "either/or" ...
Rivka
Frodo Fanatic and Head Oligarch
Posts: 3760
Send Message
Avatar
Post RE: Discussion of Forum Rules
on: June 03, 2002 08:28
I'm sorry, I was misunderstanding what M was saying before. She would prefer that the moderators be contacted first. I have no problem with that; it's just important that the mods visit the site regularly and check their PMs often. So now, here's the new one (I swear, I'll get this right eventually!)

Please use the private messaging feature of the site to contact users whose posts you desire clarification on, or to try and clear up simple misunderstandings. If a situation arises in which you feel offended or harassed (or someone has accused you of such) and it seems likely that mature communication will not be possible on the part of one or both parties, please contact a moderator; they will review the situation, and if appropriate, bring it to the attention of the admins for mediation purposes. If at any time you don't feel comfortable with a situation or a poster, please feel free to contact us--that's what we're here for

Go ahead, pick it apart And no, I've never been a mentor, but I have had to write a lot of policies lately for work, so I'm used to going back and forth and discussing everything to death before people are happy (or at least content) with rules, LOL
"We have done the impossible, and that makes us mighty."
M
Queen of Orc Killers
Posts: 342
Send Message
Avatar
Post RE: Discussion of Forum Rules
on: June 03, 2002 09:20
lol Rivka is my hero!

I just wanted the Mods to be first in line since that was sort of the point of creating them!

I usually just fire people then I don't have to write policy
Elerrina
Lady of the Golden Wood
Posts: 2026
Send Message
Avatar
Post RE: Discussion of Forum Rules
on: June 03, 2002 10:03
I usually just fire people then I don't have to write policy- M

Yeayyyy...M!! Off with their heads!!
And no, I've never been a mentor...- Rivka

No, I meant you must have had Job as a mentor yourself to have learned such patience... and I was being sincere (though not literal). You are not that old

And I'm not trying to be a pain in the tutu, either... but for those who won't be here until later... they can read all this and just go "Oh, Oka-a-ay!"

Last okay: "lf it comes to needing help on a problem, let Mods run interference for Admins." It's a wrap?
Rivka
Frodo Fanatic and Head Oligarch
Posts: 3760
Send Message
Avatar
Post RE: Discussion of Forum Rules
on: June 03, 2002 10:21
ROFL, I got you now El. You'll have to be patient with me today; It's a Monday, and I went to bed late last night, which doesn't help.

I think it's a wrap, unless anyone else wants to give input...
"We have done the impossible, and that makes us mighty."
Members Online
Print Friendly, PDF & Email