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DragonxKing
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Post Devastating Heartbreak Has Left Me Mentally Exhausted
on: August 15, 2015 05:15
I lost my twin flame, the girl who made me feel like no one ever did. She has left me and I don't know how to deal with it. It has been weeks since she spoke to me. The hardest part is that we have a baby due next month. I just wrote a letter and submitted it to my local newspaper. I want the world to know how I feel and I want people to understand how passionate one can be about their love. I don't know if it will get published but it is worth a shot. I wish I could spread it other ways. Here it is for you to see.

~~~~~~~~~~

I long to feel her kiss again, that soft warm meeting of our lips. The passion that filled my entire being was like nothing I ever experienced. It always managed to bring me from the darkest caverns to a place of illumination and revelation. The youthfulness inside me was reborn. The flame we shared together burned brighter with each moment that our kiss endured. If heaven existed at that moment it was there surrounding us like a blanket and keeping our perfect moment free from unwarranted interruption. The sweet taste of her lips I savored more than the sweetest fruit, wishing it could linger for an eternity. My mind was entranced by this incomparable feeling of boundless perfection.
I lie awake night after night missing those moments of absolute utopia. Tears seem endless and hope seems lost and scattered like leaves blown by the wind. The pieces are there but hidden behind doubt and fear. Mistakes weight heavy on the mind and with each passing moment the flame seems to extinguish itself. My heart grows burdensome in her absence and the constant pain it feels seems unbearable. Is it healing itself or yearning for that which it desires and needs? There is love inside me that I have never shown to anyone but her. She has reached places inside me I never thought possible. Once someone touches you in such a profound and intense way, losing them destroys a piece of you, a piece that can never be returned except through them.
I do not claim to be perfect, for I bleed like everyone else. But my heart has always been true to her and my mistakes and imperfections can be learned from. Do I not deserve the chance to prove myself like I always have? I have kept each and every promise I have spoken. She has broken hers yet there is nothing I wouldn't do to look upon her beautiful eyes and captivating smile until my last breath escapes me.

None of what I have said is a creation of my mind. This is an ordeal I am currently dealing with. Part of me wishes to have her beside me once again, to feel the warmth of her touch. Yet also part of me feels like she is lost forever. Do I do my best to move on or wait patiently until maybe one day she returns after realizing she truly does feel the same as me? This is my catharsis - to get my message to the world in which we live so others can understand what is in my heart and what I have lost and the hope I feel for its return.
Gandolorin
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on: August 19, 2015 05:19
DragonxKing - how old are you? I'm closer to 60 than to 59 - maybe I can help you, maybe not ...
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Lindarielwen
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on: August 19, 2015 10:14
DragonxKing, didn't we have chance to talk quite a while ago? Are you still in New York?

I guess, maybe from a female's point of view, there are two sides to this story. I want to know why she left.
My destiny is riding again, rolling in the rain, unwinding in the wind. My destiny is fighting again, secretly unwinding..what it was I was supposed to say...to say to you today.
tarcolan
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on: August 19, 2015 10:20
Yeah, I was just going to say stop thinking about yourself Drag. For example, the fact you've splurged this all over a Lord of The Rings website should give you a clue. Got to be a conscious man, when you are in love.
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BelleBayard
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on: August 19, 2015 10:47
Lack of communication is one of the most painful things in ANY relationship. Sometimes we forget that the other person can't read our minds. We KNOW we love the other person, but we forget to say it often enough or show it in little ways. Perhaps the biggest question when a relationship falls apart is "Why?" Writing her a letter, the old fashioned way expressing your love and asking her for the favor of at least explaining what made her leave may or may not get you resolution. In my honest opinion, if for no other reason, for you to be able to share in the life of the child you created together it would be best for her to at least speak with you. It will hurt to not be with her, but eventually that pain will lessen, rather like a wound with a scar over it. I'm not a psychologist, but I'm 62 and have my share of heartache in my life. I had to chose to pick myself up and move on. However, I did try to go over what poor choices I might have made in the relationship and unrealistic expectations I had in it.

Absolutely, you need for yourself to find out her reasons for departing. Even if you two never get together again (hopefully you can remain friends for the child's sake AND yours), how can you learn from what has happened without this knowledge? Wishing you the best and that you. Despite that stupid old movie "Love Story," love does NOT mean never having to say your sorry. Apologizing, even if it is an error of omission, does help. Be mindful of your words and actions, not just with loved ones, but with anyone you interact with. It's not a guarantee of perfection, but at least a way of doing your best to not be misunderstood.

Take care.
Hanasian
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on: August 19, 2015 03:34
Such is Life. People break up.
I remember when I was 17 and Brenda dumped me for my best mate. I was shattered. Hurt for days and days. Humphrey Bogart said it best in the movie Casablanca...

"Well, I did {remember all the days they were together}. Every one of 'em. Mostly I remember the last one. The wow finish. A guy standing on a station platform in the rain with a comical look in his face because his insides have been kicked out."

It goes away in time, and life goes on.
Eighth King of Arthedain - It was in battle that I come into this Kingship, and it will be in Battle when I leave it. There is no peace for the Realm of Arnor. Read the last stand of Arthedain in the Darkest of Days.
Gandolorin
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on: August 20, 2015 04:41
The old saying that love makes blind, or that lovers are intoxicated with each other, has been confirmed in many ways.
So I'm speculating that perhaps the intensity of your feeling, DragonxKing, may have felt overwhelming, frightening, suffocating to your love. Too much of (what you considered to be) a good thing. People differ in the level and intensity of their emotions, and the level of emotions they can handle coming from others. Again a speculation: she may have come to think of you as too possessive.
If and when you manage to talk to each other, and you find yourself saying "but I did not mean it that way!", be conscious that you should have learned something by her response: it does not matter what you meant, what matters is how she interpreted it. To her, that is (was) real, no matter how much you protest about being misunderstood. It tells you that what you said (did ...) can be understood in a different way than what you meant.
I'll confess that I'm a bit of a pessimist about human interaction. As I see it, misunderstandings are the norm, and the best we can hope for is to keep them to a minimum.
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DragonxKing
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on: August 24, 2015 06:28
I don't think I'm overreacting or out of line for how I feel. There were many things said by her just a couple of days before the incident occurred. Here is a sum up of how she felt only a month ago:

"She told me she couldn't wait to be Mrs Perri, she told me she couldn't wait to make love to me again because the pregnancy made it really uncomfortable to do it for more than a few minutes at a time, she told me her daughter wanted to help me pick out the engagement ring, she told me she was so happy I always fought to keep the relationship going, she told me, she told me she felt I was the only person she could be herself around, and she told me I was like a best friend to her."

I know she has told me those things many times in the past so it's not just a one time incident. So how do I go from that to being completely ignored. I have done so much to keep this relationship going including leaving my family behind. We have both voiced our feelings for each other numerous times so I can't help but feel like I don't have the whole truth. How is she feeling now? Does she hate me? Is she mad at me? Is she hurting as much as I am but doesn't know how to say it? It's not just a black and white situation.


Gandolorin said:DragonxKing - how old are you? I'm closer to 60 than to 59 - maybe I can help you, maybe not ...


I will be 40 in a couple of months.

Lindarielwen said:DragonxKing, didn't we have chance to talk quite a while ago? Are you still in New York?

I guess, maybe from a female's point of view, there are two sides to this story. I want to know why she left.


Yes we have spoken in the past. I am still in New York.

BelleBayard
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on: August 24, 2015 11:41
We are not counselors, only people here because we love LoTR. I don't have a simple answer for you. It sounds from what you have said that she has a child from another relationship. Something must have changed. Could be threatened by her ex and is afraid you'll get hurt? Since we don't really know her or all the facts on both sides it will be very difficult to say why she has suddenly isolated herself from you. I agree, there is something she's not telling.
Gandolorin
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on: August 25, 2015 04:56
DragonxKing said:
Gandolorin said:DragonxKing - how old are you? I'm closer to 60 than to 59 - maybe I can help you, maybe not ...


I will be 40 in a couple of months.

Ah OK, that should take care of puppy (teenager) love (I vaguely remember my own cases )

But then, perhaps her rose-tinted glasses phase has taken a nose-dive while yours still continues. My question would be, when was that (something you should ask her if you can get together to talk about such possibilities)?

I'm posting this because I also had a (or more than one) case where an ex-girlfriend of mine griped about <something>, and I replied a bit crossly - as we (young - this is me about 35 years ago) males occasionally do. I (very wrongly) thought my reaction was OK, only to realize a bit later that I probably had wrecked the relationship from my ex-girlfriend's point of view.

To repeat what I posted above, what you (or I) mean may be very different from what is understood on the receiving side!

[Edited on 08/27/2015 by Gandolorin]
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DragonxKing
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on: January 31, 2016 06:30
Sorry that I disappeared again. I needed to work things out and focus on getting my mind back in the right place. Since everything happened, I feel much better and have been doing well. I tried different anxiety meds but none worked, so I just had to cope with everything as best I can. Thanks to everyone who offered their input.
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