From the point of view of eligible women during the war…

Three Wraiths in a week (congrats)
Think Sauron’s clever don’t you boy
Riding on your giant animal, Watching all the orcs beneath you drop
You’d kill yourself for this little ring Watch all the armies stop
Forget about this silly war
Don’t turn into something you’re not

Please leave me drunk
With all these hobbit hunks
PLEASE leave me drunk
With all these Ranger hunks

Let’s get to the action
And I’m not even talking ‘bout the war
All my insides fall to pieces
Wishing we could just love
I’m the one who’ll love you
When you think you’ve got the world beat
I’ll even put up with your large smelly feet

Please leave me drunk
With all these Elvish hunks
Please leave me drunk
With all these Dwarvish hunks

The best comrade you’ve ever had
The best comrade you’ve ever unclad
You’ll be so filled with joy
You’ll throw away your Playboy

So just get them drunk
All these Middle Earth hunks
So just get them drunk
So we can get this party crunk!