Meanwhile, Gimli and the gang are still going gaga over Aragorn in Rivendell (See “This Aragorn Must Die”). Obviously Elrond is not happy about this, but there’s not a lot he can do. The crowds around his adopted son are growing bigger by the second, and he’s especially angered to find more and more members of his own household joining the admiring throng – including Glorfindel, Erestor, and Lindir. What exactly do they see in him?! Elrond watches from his balcony as Gimli leads the fans in a song of devotion. Aragorn looks on, a bit bemused, as the crowd begins dancing frenziedly around him, head-banging and jumping up and down in adulation. Merry and Pippin beatbox. Legolas stands by, shaking his fair head and frowning.

Crowd:
Yes, you know we love you!
Ary, you’re our fave!
We all kiss the ground you’ve trod,
but we don’t mean to rave.
Yes, you know we love you!
Ary, you’re our fave!
We all kiss the ground you’ve trod, but we don’t mean to rave
Ary, we are with you
Don’t ya leave us, Ary!
Ary, we are on your side
We won’t leave ya, Ary!

Gimli:
So what more do you need to convince you
That you’ve made it and you’re easily as strong
As that brainless bum who rules your country
And who’s occupied your throne for so long!

Crowd (Growing more frenzied):
Yes, you know we love you!
Ary, you’re our fave!
We all kiss the ground you’ve trod,
but we don’t mean to rave
Yes, you know we love you!
Ary, you’re our fave!
We all kiss the ground you’ve trod, but we don’t mean to rave
Ary, we are with you
Don’t ya leave us, Ary!
Ary, we are on your side
We won’t leave ya, Ary!

Gimli:
There must be over 50,000,
screaming love and more for you
And every one of 50,000 would do
whatever you asked them to
You could lead them all to Gondor
But make sure Legolas stays at home
He would force you to take a shower
Then attack you with a comb!

Legolas growls menacingly at the dwarf, who gulps and offers a placating grin. Realizing that Gimli was kidding, Legolas backs down. Still, the militant dwarf’s proposition is troubling to him… leading a mob of, at most, 1500 fanatics (yes, Gimli needs to learn how to count. Don’t ask me how he got 50,000) to wrest the throne from Denethor’s care is a very bad idea.

Gimli:
You’ll get the throne and the kingdom
A clever as ever endeavor
You’ll get the throne and the kingdom
A clever as ever endeavor
You’ll get the throne and the kingdom
A clever as ever endeavor!

Gimli then grabs Aragorn by the arm and tries to shove him down the path which will eventually lead to Gondor (or that’s what the helpful arrow sign says anyway.) Aragorn, who has been looking on with mingled bemusement, annoyance, and alarm up until this point finally speaks up, jerking away from Gimli.

Aragorn:
Neither you, Gimli, nor the nonexistent 50,000, nor the Orcs, nor the Elves, nor Legolas, nor the Fellowship, nor the wizards, nor the scribes, nor Lord Elrond himself… understand what thrones are
Understand what kingdoms are
Understand at all
Understand at all
If you knew how whacked up this is, poor Rivendell
You’d see a shrink, and you’d say good-bye
And you’d say good-bye
While your trying to storm a city with 1500’s swell
I’d rather live, so thank-you, please don’t cry
Thank-you, please don’t cry.

Legolas smirks. That showed Gimli, alright. As an added bonus, all Aragorn’s supposedly rabidly loyal fans seem to be disappearing one by one. Soon it is just Aragorn and himself. The elf offers the man a consoling pat on the shoulder, and they walk away to get some much needed rest.