“How ‘bout getting out of these stinky Dead Marshes?
How ‘bout stopping seething when I’m held up?
How ‘bout Master stop stroking the Precious?
How ‘bout that ever elusive alter ego?

Thank you Isengard,
Thank you Mordor,
Thank you Stupid Fat Hobbit!
Thank you Master,
Thank you Saruman,
Thank you, Thank you Baggins!

How ‘bout you not blaming me for everything?
How ‘bout me enjoying a raw fissssh for once?
How ‘bout how good it feels to finally kill you?
How ‘bout giving the Precious over right now?

Thank you Isengard,
Thank you Mordor,
Thank you Stupid Fat Hobbit!
Thank you Master,
Thank you Saruman,
Thank you, Thank you Baggins!

The moment I let go of it,
Was the moment I got more than I could handle,
The moment I jumped the Hobbits,
Was the moment I was bound,

How ‘bout no longer being masochistic?
How ‘bout remembering your Smeagol?
How ‘bout unabashedly clawing their eyes out?
How ‘bout not equating love with Precious?

Thank you Isengard,
Thank you Mordor,
Thank you Stupid Fat Hobbit!
Thank you Master,
Thank you Saruman,
Thank you, Thank you Baggins! Yeah!!