This is a re-write of “You’ve Got to Pick a Pocket or Two” from the musical of Oliver. Asterisks (*) signify who’s singing. =)

*Sauron*
On my tower, Barad-Dur
No way in, to Mordor
If a hobbit slips past, they’ll breathe their last,
We’ve gotta catch a hobbit or two,
You’ve gotta catch a hobbit, Nazguuuul,
You’ve gotta catch a hobbit or two.

*Nazgul*
With our black breath they won’t get past,
We’re gonna catch a hobbit or two.

*Sauron*
“Lets show the free people how we do it my wraiths. Just a game, Middle-Earth, just a game.”

Declaring war, oh what fun,
I shall rule everyone,
Not that there’ll be much left for me,
Better kill a million or two,
You’ve gotta kill a million or two men,
You’ve gotta kill a million or two.

*Orcs*
Though we’re treated horribly,
Better kill a million or two.

*Sauron*
Aragorn will be king,
It could be he has my ring,
Isildur’s bane’s been found again,
We’ve gotta send an army or two,
We’re gonna send an army or two, Yeah,

— Sauron’s eye spins over and over on top his tower (in ode to the boy who swings the watch into his pocket —

*Orcs*
We’re not scared; we don’t feel pain,
We’re gonna be the army or two.

*Sauron*
Hobbits small, in Mordor,
Wait, who’s that at my door?
Longs Shanks, Strider, Heir of Isildur,
He’s been through a battle or two

*Aragorn*
I’ve been through more battles than you, dude.

*Sauron*
But this is one you’ll never get through.

*Men of the West*
They’re so numerous; we’re so few,
It’ll take us weeks, to kill you.

*Gollum*
Clever hobbits, climbed so high,
We want’s precious, we won’t lie,
bite’s his finger, get’s it off,
We has got our precious from you,
We has got our precious from you, now,
Wes got our precious, adieu.

— Muffled screams as Gollum falls off —

*Hobbits*
It was just as Gandalf said,
Gollum had a part to play.

*Sauron*
My red eye, feeling raw,
Tower crashes, to the floor,
Everyone cheers, but I’ve no ears,
So it does matter at all,
No it doesn’t matter you fools,
no it doesn’t matter at …
— BOOM (Sauron explodes) —

*Aragorn*
So,
To my coronation, then I’ll wed,
And we saved a hobbit or twwwooooo.

Hope you enjoy singing it as much as I enjoyed writing it. (^_^)