PIPPIN:
Mordor

SAM:
Uh huh

PIPPIN:
Center of the universe

MERRY:
Sing it, boy

PIPPIN:
Times are crappy, but I’m pretty sure they can’t get worse

FRODO:
I hear you

PIPPIN:
It’s a comfort to know
When you’re singing the hit the road blues
That anywhere else you could possibly go
After Mordor would be
A pleasure cruise

FRODO:
Now you’re talking!

Well I’m thwarted by a philosophical puzzle
And I’m sick of holding the ring, that I know
And I’m shouting in my sleep, I need a muzzle
All this misery pays no salary, so
Let’s open up a restaurant in Hobbiton
Oh, quiet Hobbiton would be nice
Let’s open up a restaurant in Hobbiton
And leave this to the oliphaunts and mice

OH-OH

ALL:
OH–

SAM:
You ran?

FRODO:
I ran-I knew Aragorn wouldn’t follow me,
And the lot of them were just too noisy.

PIPPIN:
Big folk!

ALL:
Big folk!

FRODO:
You’re the gardening type, Sam
You could plant and harvest all day long,
Merry, make the menu sparkle with rhyme
Pip can sing a gentle song,
I could seat guests as they come
Chatting not about death, but pipeweed

Let’s open up a restaurant in Hobbiton
With light, fire and smiles when it rains,

ALL:
Rains, rains, rains

FRODO:
We’ll open up a restaurant in Hobbiton
And save from devastation our brains

ALL:
Save our brains

ALL:
We’ll destroy the ring and run so far away
Devote ourselves to projects that sell
We’ll open up a restaurant in Hobbiton
Forget this hot, ‘crack of doomy’ hell
OH- OH-

FRODO:
Do you know the way to Hobbiton?
You know, Bag End…pipeweed…
Yeah…