On a fast, white horse.
Cool wind in my hair.
Nasty smell of orc waste
Rising up through the air.
Up ahead in the distance
I saw a shimmering light.
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim-
We had to stop for the night.

There it stood in the walkway
A great big dead white tree.
And I was thinking to myself
“There’s no way the this could be like Bree.”
Then Gandalf said to follow him
He would show me the way.
He said not to tell Denethor
About Boromir who passed away.

Welcome to the Hotel Minas Tirith.
Such a dreary place, such a dreary place,
Such a dreary place.
They’re getting ready for war at Minas Tirith.
Any time of the year, any time of the year,
You can find war here!

Statues in the hallway.
Denethor’s got some food.
He said he knows Boromir is dead.
And to sing a song fit for his mood.
He sent his son off to battle-
Outnumbered one to ten.
And he told him when he gets back
To do it all over again!

Denethor’s really twisted!
He’s got a palantir.
His only surviving son
He plans to kill.
How he pours out the oil
Onto the wood.
He’s going to burn Faramir,
‘Cause he thinks that it’s good!

Welcome to the Hotel Minas Tirith.
Such a crazy place, such a crazy place,
Such a crazy place!
They’re fighting at the Hotel Minas Tirith
What a bad surprise, what a bad surprise,
There’s Nazgul in the skies!

So I ran to tell Gandalf
About the crack-pot, old man
And he said, “Hop up onto my horse,lad-
We’ll get there as fast as we can.”
How we race to the citadel!
Shadowfax is so fast!
We get waylaid by a Ringwraith-
Some spells the wraith did cast!

The Nazgul broke his staff-
Then the Rohirrim arrived.
He had other business to tend to-
He flew away and left us alive.
So we stopped Denethor
From killing his son.
Took Faramir to the Houses of Healing-
Found out that the war we had won!

Welcom to the Hotel Minas Tirith!
Such a lovely place! Such a lovely place!
Such a lovely place!
There’s a new King at the Hotel Minas Tirith!
What a nice surprise! What a nice surprise!
Arwen’s caught Aragorn’s eyes!