It happened one day in Helms Deep.
He was walking around shooting arrows.
The Elven monstrosity was waving his arms.
The fangirls were falling victim to his evil charms.
He brushed against a candle and he started to smoke.
Now we’re all laughing at this funny joke.

Oh boy, Leggy’s on fire.
This is what we’ve always desired.
We’ll watch the flames get higher.
Just don’t you try to put him out.

His blonde hair was flying, ashes everywhere.
And all the fans just continued to stare.
Orlando Bloom in the costume started to yell.
We probably should have helped him, but what the heck?
He threw himself violently against the wall.
He fell to his knees and he tried to crawl away.

Oh boy, Leggy’s on fire.
This is our secret desire.
We’ll help the flames burn brighter.
Just don’t you try to put him out.

Music solo. In the background, you can hear Legolas scream.

Oh boy, Leggy’s on fire.
This is what we’ve always desired.
Won’t you help us fan the flames higher?
Just don’t you try to put him out.

Leggy’s no longer ignited.
We’re feeling sad it had ended.
He’s lying in a heap on the floor.
We poked him with a stick because we had to make sure he was dead.