This is a parody of the song “Friends in Low Places,” by Dewayne Blackwell and Bud Lee. The speaker is a Nazgul.

Blame it all on my ring
I picked up that thing
And ruined lands in the North
The last one to know
The way it would go
I was the last one
Great Sauron sent forth
And I saw the surprise
And the fear in their eyes
When I took the Rohirrim’s steeds.
But still they should know
That dead men fear to go
Between a wraith and his needs.

‘Cause I’ve got friends in dark places
where the Balrogs spark
and the goblin faces glint evil and bright
all through the night.
I don’t have the Eldar graces
And I like the spots that Morgoth debases –
Oh, I’ve got friends in dark places.

Well, the wretched elf queen
She sure made a scene
When I crossed the Silverlode.
But it ended alright:
My fell beast took flight
And used her stream for a commode.
Let them bend their bows
And shoot small arrows:
Just give me an army and then
I’ll come back at night,
Set her trees all alight
And slaughter Elves and Men.

‘Cause I’ve got friends in dark places
where the Balrogs spark
and the goblin faces glint evil and bright
all through the night.
I don’t have the Eldar graces
And I like the spots that Morgoth debases –
Oh, I’ve got friends in dark places.