Sauron:
Mordorian Pie

A long long time ago
I can still remember how that thing used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make those dumb elves dance
And maybe they’d be all mine for a while.

But a new age made me shiver
With every fake ring I’d deliver
Bad news on my doorstep
I couldn’t take one more step

I really thought that I had died
When they stole my greatest pride
And something broke me deep inside
The day my hand got fried

So
{Refrain}
Bye-bye, Mr. Baggins guy
Drove my orcses to the marshes
But the marshes were dry
And them bad old boys were drinkin’ man blood and rye
Shriekin’ this’ll be the day that I die
This’ll be the day that I die

Did you write the Book of Death
And do you have faith in Elbereth
If Gandalf tells you so
Do you believe in hordin’ gold
Can music stop you growin’ old
And can you teach me how to kill elves slow

Well, I know that you’re in love with it
‘Cause I saw you find it in the pit
You tricked that Gollum spy
Man, I hate those pale, cold eyes

I was a lonely age-old evil guy
With a big black tower and a fiery eye
But I knew that I was out of luck
The day my hand got fried

I started singin’
Bye-bye, Mr. Baggins guy
Drove my orcses to the marshes
But the marshes were dry
And them bad old boys were drinkin’ man blood and rye
Shriekin’ this’ll be the day that I die
This’ll be the day that I die

Now for centuries I’ve been on my own
And shelob grows fat on orcs’ bones
But that’s not how it used to be
When the elves were slaves to beautiful me
And they had no choice but to pay my fee
‘coz they never sailed back across the sea

Oh, and while I slept and so did drool
That dude he stole my pretty jewel
The search party was set out
Man, are orcses lousy scouts
And while Ulaire reads a book of spells
My story of defeat he tells
And how my precious now rebells
After the day my hand got fried

We were singing
Bye-bye, Mr. Baggins guy
Drove my orcses to the marshes
But the marshes were dry
And them bad old boys were drinkin’ man blood and rye
Shriekin’ this’ll be the day that I die
This’ll be the day that I die

Helter Skelter in an autumn swelter
The wraiths rode off with a fallout shelter
Side by side and running fast
They streamed out over the grass
The hobbits tried for a forward pass
With Gandalf on the sidelines in a cast

Now the half-time air was foul warg-stench
While the dwarf warmed up the stony bench
They all got up to dance
Oh, but they never got the chance
‘Cause the balrog tried to take the field
And that stupid wizard refused to yield
Do you recall what was revealed
The day my hand got fried

We started singing
Bye-bye, Mr. Baggins guy
Drove my orcses to the marshes
But the marshes were dry
And them bad old boys were drinkin’ man blood and rye
Shriekin’ this’ll be the day that I die
This’ll be the day that I die

Oh, and there you were all in one place
A fellowship lost in fear’s embrace
With no time left to start again
So come on, now, don’t have a fit
Darn Istari fell into a pit
‘Cause shadow is the Balrog’s only friend

Oh, and as I watched him take the stage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage
No Maiar born in hell
Could break that Elfstones’s spell
And my orcses searched throughout the night
But I think they may be right
I saw Elrond laughing with delight
The day my hand got fried

I kept singing
Bye-bye, Mr. Baggins guy
Drove my orcses to the marshes
But the marshes were dry
And them bad old boys were drinkin’ man blood and rye
Shriekin’ this’ll be the day that I die
This’ll be the day that I die

I met a man who spoke the truth
And I asked him for some evil news
But he just smirked and turned away
Just as I had, in the very same way
Where I’d seen him last, I didn’t know
‘Coz my memory fades, and it was years ago

And in the trees, the elves, they screamed
The lovers cried, and the orcses dreamed
That perhaps this was the token
Their spirits could be broken
And the three beings I despise the most
She-elf, Gandalf, and that dratted boast
Who ought to have been baked into Mordorian Pie
The day my hand got fried

And they were singing
Bye-bye, Mr. Baggins guy
Drove my orcses to the marshes
But the marshes were dry
And them bad old boys were drinkin’ man blood and rye
Shriekin’ this’ll be the day that I die
This’ll be the day that I die

They were singing bye-bye, Mr.Baggins guy,
Drove my orcses to the marshes
But the marshes were dry
Them bad old boys were drinking man blood and rye
Shriekin’ this’ll be the day that I die