Narrator: Now it is time for Silly Songs With Sauron, the part of the show where Sauron comes out and sings a silly song.

Our curtain opens as Sauron, having just finished conquering some land, is searching for his One Ring. Having no success, Sauron cries out…

Sauron – Oh, where is my One Ring?
Oh, where is my One Ring?
Oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where oh, where…
Is my One Ring?

Narrator – Having heard his cry, Isildur enters the scene. Shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of Sauron as a giant firey eye ball, Isildur regains his composure and reports…

Isildur – I had your one ring, but it fell off my hand in the river!

Isildur points in the direction of the river

Sauron – Back there, in the river!
Back there is my One Ring!
Back there, back there, oh, where, back there, oh, where, oh, where, back there, back there, back there…
Is my One Ring.

Narrator – Having heard his loud proclamation, Gollum enters the scene. Shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of Sauron as a giant firey eyeball, Gollum regains his composure and comments…

Gollum – Why do you wantssss the precioussss when you don’t have any fingersssss?

Narrator – Sauron is taken aback. The thought had never occurred to him. No fingers? What would this mean? What would become of him? What would become of his One Ring? Sauron wonders…

Sauron – No fingers, for my One Ring
No fingers for my One Ring
No fingers, no fingers, oh where, no fingers, no fingers, oh where back there, no fingers…
For my One Ring.

Narrator – Having heard his wonderings, Bilbo Baggins enters the scene. Shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of Sauron as a giant firey eyeball, Bilbo regains his composure and confesses…

Bilbo – Sauron, that old One Ring of yours… Well, you shouldn’t use it, you don’t really need it. So, well, I’m sorry… I didn’t realise… But, I gave it to my nephew… ’cause he’ll destroy it…

Narrator – Feeling a deep sense of loss and anger, Sauron stumbles back and laments…

Sauron – Not fair! My poor One Ring!
Not fair, my poor One Ring
Not fair, not fair, no fingers, not fair, oh where, no fingers, not fair, not fair, not fair! My little One Ring!

Narrator – Having heard his lament, Frodo Baggins sneaks onto the scene. He didn’t expect seeing a giant firey eyeball and Sauron not expecting Frodo… Both are shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sign of each other. But, recognising Sauron’s attachment to the One Ring, Frodo apologises…

Frodo – Um… Sorry…

Frodo drops the ring into Mount Doom

Narrator – Good has been done here! But, in the eye of Sauron, a deep anger at its destruction begins to rise up from out of him and as he begins to fall and die, he cries out…

Sauron – He killed my precious One Ring. No fair!
Not my One Ring! No fair!
No fair! No fair! No fair! No fair! No fair! No fair! No fair! No fair!!!!
My poor One Ring.

Narrator – The End