(faint Middle-Earth battle and then guitars.)

(Frodo:) I can’t read this Elvish script.
Looks like I’ll have to take a trip.
Come along Sam, you’re such a ditz.
Gandalf told us to leave now

(Sam) Chased by things that like to scream
The Nazgul is what Strider deem
Strider’s great on our team
We gotta run anyhow

(Galadriel) The One Ring to Rule Them All, In the Dark Spite Them.

(Elrond) The task Frodo you must do
The other eight can come too
No oath nor bond will force you
But Frodo must go to Mount Doom

(Gandalf) I didn’t want to go in the mine
A secret door we had to find
We lost track of the time
Then I fell at Kazad-dum

(Galadriel) The One Ring to Rull Them All, In the Dark Spite Them.

(Obligatory Metallica Guitar Solo.)

(Boromir) Now I see your mind you Hobbit, you’ll betray us!
Now, I see your heart, You’ll bring us to death!

(Orcs) Kill them! Kill all them dead
Bleed them red!
Absolute chaos!
Get little ones!
Then we’re done!
Lots of extras for show!

(Lurtz) Shoot bow!
Three arrow blows
To steal the show
Orc and human brawl
(Galadriel)To bear ring
to have nothing
Hobbits change the fortune of all!

((Super uber-Metallica riff.))