They say a Stoor should always
Dress for the things he wants,
So why are we 3 quarters naked,
With sore boneses and joints?

It’s all because some Baggins stole
My old Precious ring.
Now I’m tryin’ to take his nephew
To some great big spider-thing.

Shoulda gone to
preeeeciousreport at sauron.com.
We could have seen this coming at us
Like an atom bomb.

They monitor your Precious
And send you Baggins alerts,
So you don’t end up serving Hobbits
Who are actually wearing shirts.