Is this a real life? I’m everyone’s fantasy?
Caught in an Orc fight, no escape from reality
Gorgeous blue eyes, well-defined thighs on me!
I’m just a hot Elf, I need no mirror, see,
Because I’m easy come, easy go,
Pretty hair, wicked bow.
Anyway the wind blows, doesn’t really matter
My hair stays neat.

Adar, just killed an Orc
Nocked an arrow in my bow
Picked my target, let it go
Adar, fighting’s just begun
But now you’re sending me to Rivendell…

Adar, ooh ooh ooh,
Now the Gollum has escaped
And I must be the one who tells Elrond
Aníron, aníron, I might get some with Arwen…

Too late, my time has come,
My horse is set to go, packed my quiver and my bow,
Goodbye everybody, I’m gone for good,
Gotta leave you all behind to guard Mirkwood.

Adar, ooh ooh ooh
I don’t wanna ride, I sometimes wish we’d killed Gollum after all…

(*long fiddly Steve Vai type convoluted guitar solo before change of tempo & piano chords….*)

I see a little silhouetto of a Dwarf,
Oh my dear Boromir and a hobbit named Frodo,
Aragorn and Gandalf, three more silly Halflings, -Ai!

It’s a Balrog! (it’s a Balrog)
It’s a Balrog! (it’s a Balrog)
In the Mines of Moria!
Look out Frodo! (oh oh oh …..)

I’m just a top Elf, everyone loves me!
(he’s just a top Elf from a top family, always well groomed with hair so pretty!)

Haldir come, Haldir go, to Lórien we go
(No Gandalf!) NO! We watched him as he fell! (bloody hell!)
(The Mirror) NO! Take the Ring, Galadriel! (bloody hell!)
(Here’s lembas) Woah! We got take-out to go (let us go!)
And a brand new bow (let us go!) swords and belts and boats,
Oh way to go – oh oh oh oh! No no no no no no no!
Oh Boromir, Boromir!
Boromir, let Frodo go!
The Uruk-hai have departed Isengard
Ai me, ai me, ai MEEEEE!!!

(*huge rock-anthemic-grungy-guitar bit o’ headbanger stuff*)

So you think you can chop me to bits, Uruk-hai??
So you think you can stab me and leave me to die?
No baby! Not to this elf-boy baby!
Just gotta aim right, just gotta shoot right through your ear…

(*‘nother huge rock-anthemic-grungy-guitar moment with massive solo riff & chorale bits*)

Nothing really matters, anyone can see
Nothing really matters… Frodo’s gone and left us, you see….

(*big piano bit with some muted guitar riff*)

Anyway, the Ring goes… (*gong*)