The Night that Fatty Bolger Died

Idea by ash_nazg4321
Lyrics by ash_nazg4321, ImprobabilityHobbit, and Marc Gunn, autoharpeist, music traditional

Oh the night that Fatty Bolger died is a night I’ll never forget
Merry and Pippin got roarin’ drunk, and they’re still not sober yet;
As long as that bottle was passed around every hobbit was feelin’ gay
Then Gandalf came with the pipe weed, some smoke rings for to make

(chorus)
Oh that’s how they showed their respect for Fatty Bolger
That’s how they showed their honor and their pride;
They said “There’s still more food for us!” and winked at one another
Oh every drink in the place was full the night that Fatty died

Sadly, the Sackville-Bagginses were grabbin all his things
While Bilbo sat with Gandalf a-blowin’ some smoke rings
Merry and Pippin where running with some vegetables they stole
They put the veggies on the corpse to keep those mushrooms cold

About three o’clock in the morning after emptyin’ the jug
Frodo rolled up the ice box lid to see poor Fatty’s mug
We stopped the clock so Sam’s old Gaffer couldn’t tell the time
And at a quarter after three we argued it was nine

At eight o’clock in the mornin’ the procession left the house
And everyone but poor old Samwise Gamgee was out soused
They stopped a while in Bywater at the old Green Dragon Inn
Well they staggered in at eleven o’clock and didn’t come out till ten

Well someone asked old Brandybuck if anyone had died
Ted says he, “I’m not quite sure, I just came for the ride.”
They started out for the graveyard all holy and sublime
But found out when they’d got there, they’d left the corpse behind!