Performed by The Mouth Of Sauron:

Look, I’m single, for uh… for decades now
I don’t wanna be alone anymore – that’s why
I chose this way to find a nice girl

Yo, I am unhappy, so sad, feel unpretty
There’s vomit on my robe already, not kidding
Sick of loneliness – this is all so hideous
Need a girl to keep away the emptiness
But I’m so hurt. My last girlfriend left me with
my best friend – he was a lord of the sith
I could choke them ‘cause they broke my heart in two
Need some comfort. Perhaps it could come from you?
Snap with me to the melody and raise with me a familiy
Oh, am I too fast for you? Did not mean to deter you
I just am so desperate looking for someone to ease my pain
Do you think I’m insane?
That would be a real shame
Don’t leave me standing in the rain
I could be the perfect man for you
That’s exactly what I promise to
You should give it a try and see what we might end up to

Chorus 2x:
I want a girl who wants me, who likes me, who hugs me
And who never lets me go
I could be a nice guy, just give me the chance to show
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo

(My knees are shakin‘, I’m tryin‘ to awaken
the old self-confidence, don’t know how I’m makin‘…)
Got a good job, high-ranked and really well-payed
I could get off a lot, my boss is a real mate
I own a nice crib where we both could live happily
Lots of orc-butlers who’d made our lives easily. We
could walk hand in hand through the grey fields of Mordor
And – who knows – raise a new world order
You’d be my queen and I’m king, in love united
We would share everything, never be divided
Sure, I am no gorgeous guy but I am presentable
And for me right now is the time to settle
So if you want a man who is strong
and ‘til now Mr. Right didn’t came along
then it’s you whom I’m singing this song
and the beat goes on da da dum da dum dada

Chorus 2x:
I want a girl who wants me, who likes me, who hugs me
And who never lets me go
I could be a nice guy, just give me the chance to show
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo