The Very Secret Diary of Frodo Baggins
THE VERY SECRET DIARY OF FRODO BAGGINS
By Cassie Claire
Feeling much better in House of Elrond after nice long nap. Also, Sam gave me fabulous backrub and bubble bath. Platonic, brotherly love so wonderful. Wasn’t quite entirely sure why he needed to suck on my toes, but am assured it has something to do with Elf medicine.
Have agreed to carry Ring to Mordor. In hindsight, probably a bad move.
Aragorn and Boromir had big fight over who got to carry me up Mount Caradhras. Aragorn shoved Boromir into snowbank. Boromir bit Aragorn on the ear. Ring must be affecting them more seriously than I thought.
Woke up to find Aragorn playing with buttons on my shirt.
He must be after the Ring. Damn its siren call.
Ah well, Sam will kill him if he tries anything.
Today Legolas began stroking my inner thigh with his bow.
Was stunned. Had no idea Legolas wanted the Ring too.
It must truly be an object of awesome power.
Gandalf showed me very strange trick he can do. Apparently pointy wizard hat not just for show.
Wonder if Ring is affecting him, or perhaps he is just v. peculiar.
Finally feel rested. Is too dark in Mines of Moria for Aragorn to find me and pinch me as he has been doing lately.
Gandalf fell into shadow. Was sad to see pointy hat go.
Lothlorien so pretty. Galadriel pretty too. Offered her One Ring, but she kept saying, “No, there’s something else I’d rather have from you, Frodo Baggins,” and trying to slide foot up inside my breeches. So, gave her my extra pair of breeches since she seemed fond of them. Maybe some kind of breeches shortage in Lothlorien.
Rowed all day in boats. V. tired. Merry and Pippin offered to give me a group massage. Nice to have such v. concerned friends. Glad Ring is not affecting them. Although did not need back rubbed quite so much, nor other parts.
Pippin does remember we’re cousins, right?
Boromir tried to take the Ring. Am not entirely certain, but am fairly sure he also tried to have a little cuddle. Was most unnerving, as Boromir quite huge.
Everyone keeps hitting on me. Cannot cope. Off to Mordor.
Sam coming too. Good thing, as will enable me to have more of those platonic, brotherly foot massages he’s so good at.
Am sad to leave rest of Company though, as found myself quite fancying the idea of shagging Gimli. Chunky braids and huge helmet quite a turn-on. Ah, well, he never would have liked me anyway.
My favourite line: “Maybe some kind of breeches shortage in Lothlorien.”
One of the best, Frodo is soooooo naive!!!!!
a little too suggestive, but very funny all the same
Bi guys are hot so ya
I love Fordo
What i just said is so stupid i really don’t care though but still true.
So cute yet suggestive… me likes.
I love this… Frodo just doesn’t get it, does he?
And can somebody explain about the pointy hat trick? I don’t get *that*.
very funny (:
Absolutely hilarious. XD Just like the others. XD
I will be furious once i’m through laghing.
Brilliant,hilarious and very funny 😛
I watched “Ringers: Lord of the Fans” and they used a line from this!!! “Everyone keeps hitting on me…Cannot cope”
This Is totally immoral. I love it!!!!!
Haha! Oh, Frodo your so naive!!
Really. Really, I think I just wet my self laughing
it took him so long to figure out they were hitting on him (weeellll… not all of them) lol
I love how absolutely naÃ¯ve Frodo is! And then he finally catches on and can’t deal! The part about him fancying Gimli at the end made me cackle!
Little heart attack on day 2 when I thought it read “rear”.
Loved day 33 xD
Poor little frodo, so innocent. I would like a better explanation of the hat trick, Not terribly suggestive considering almost everyone is hitting on him.
Why is this funny again? Did I miss a memo about gay day?
very funny! though i feel like I would like these a lot more if they weren’t so…immoral….(cough cough)