The Very Secret Diary of Legolas, Son of Weenus
THE VERY SECRET DIARY OF LEGOLAS, SON OF WEENUS
By Cassie Claire
Day One:
Went to Council of Elrond. Was prettiest person there. Agreed to follow some tiny little man to Mordor to throw ring into volcano. Very important mission – gold ring so tacky.
Day Four:
Boromir so irritating. Why must he wear big shield like dinner plate all the time? Climbed up Caradhras but wimpy humans who cannot walk on snow insisted we climb back down.
Am definitely prettiest member of the Fellowship. Go me!
Day Six:
Far too dark in Mines of Moria to brush hair properly. Am very afraid I am developing a tangle.
Orcs so silly.
Still the prettiest.
Day Ten:
Gandalf fell into shadow. In other news, I think I am developing a spot on my nose. V. serious situation, as Elven spots likely to last for 500 years or more.
Still prettiest, despite blasted spot.
Day Eleven:
In Lothlorien. Suspect Galadriel may be prettier than me.
Also, am quite sure she copied my hairstyle. I was wearing that same look at least 1,000 years ago. Silly bint. She was most annoyed that I used her mirrored fountain to take a nice bubble bath.
I choose to ignore her claim that my hair clogged her drain. Not one strand of my hair has fallen out in 800 years, why would it start now?
Still prettiest by far.
Day 30:
All this paddling about in boats is hell on my complexion.
Aragorn obviously starting to find Frodo strangely attractive. Sam will kill him if he tries anything.
Still the prettiest.
Day 33:
Boromir tempted by Ring. So tedious. Cannot be tempted myself, as already have everything I want i.e. perfect hair and a butt like granite.
Have been getting very strange letters from someone calling herself “Stacey” who wants to do obscene things to my elfhood. Fortunately have super-duper elf vision so can run away if I see her coming.
Day 35:
Boromir dead. Very messy death, most uncessesary. Did get kissed by Aragorn as he expired. Does a guy have to get shot full of arrows around here to get any action? Boromir definitely not prettier than me. Cannot understand it. Am feeling a pout coming on.
Frodo off to Mordor with Sam. Tiny little men caring about each other, rather cute really.
Am quite sure Gimli fancies me. So unfair. He is waist height, so can see advantages there, but chunky braids and big helmet most offputting. Forsee dark times ahead, very dark times.
34 Comments
Hey! Sorry but I would like to put a negative comment on this. I am getting a bit tired of hearing, reading and seeing things making fun of Legolas’s looks. He really isnt a girly character…the reason people “think” he is is because of the movie…NOT the book. If you read the parts with Legolas you will understand that he is NOT a girly chaaracter! Ok I have said to much..ok…Im sorry…but it really bugs me!
Apparently they had to take off all the arguing comments about Legolas being gay and stuff which will probably happen again. Well, my advice is if it is really gonna bother you then don’t bother reading or reviewing. It’s for intertainment purposes not hate. I don’t think cassie claire hates Legolas. I thought this was halarious. All I can say is wow, people really do go crazy.I myself am a Legolas fangirl and could enjoy the humor.
Leolas is a good-looking elvish warrior! NOT a self-obsessed vain child! Still, it made me laugh!
Hi Ema!! you rock!! my soks!
Yeah. Mega awesome. And I think that the humour in this is geared towards people who are fans of the Legolas in the books by making fun of how he’s portrayed in the movie. And as for whether or not Legolas is gay: Does it even matter? I mean, really.
That is REALLY funny about hes got all he wants and stuff!
WoW, that is sooo funny! HILARIOUS!
Why in the name of all the Valars did you make Legolas a vain pretty boy??!! And Aragorn being into FRODO????????? I really don’t undersand you people. NYAH! *sticks out tongue*
I can’t believe you made Legolas that way! He is not a vain pretty boy!!!! Granted it was funny and in things like this people do tend to make fun of the person they’re writing about but that’s just upsetting! Legolas is amazing and totally not like that at all!!!!!!! I don’t get you people at all *sticks out tongue* meanies
Silly?
His dads name is Tharanduil
Weenus is the scientific term for elbow……
In the books he is much more serious, but this was really funny :))
I agree with the other people that say that this is insulting to Legolas. I am a fan of him in the books and the movies. Seriously, all the fan fiction I read on here has him as this girly character that only cares about his hair. It’s stupid.
I couldn’t even get past the title without dying laughing.
I am now realizing that that statement is terribly ironic given the fact of my user name….O_____________________O
I thought this was funny, but Legolas isnt girlish, just saying
But……but………Legolas is a heroic elvish warrior, not some narcissist!
I’m a Legolas fangirl, but I can’t help finding this hilarious, even though he is most certainly NOT a vain prettyboy XD
waist height i see the advantage……
DONT make fun of lego!
Playing up on the prettiness of Elves made me happy! I would love to read a crack!fic where Legolas and Galadriel get into a bitch fight over who has the best hair!
Also, I think it’s really funny that people find these insulting. They’re obviously just jokes–I didn’t get insulted by the Boromir one. Are some fangirls really this touchy?
Stop making fun of legolas!!!!
Why is everyone saying how gay this sounds? They make all the secret diaries like that. It’s funny.
Legolas is not a vain prettyboy, he is a elvish warrior and is portrayed better in the books than the movies, though he is not portrayed as girly in the movies as many of you have made it out to be.
Ha Ha. very funny!
“Obscene things to my elfhood” lol
Oh Legolas, you are the prettiest. hahahahahahahahahahahah
I like Legolas but this is seriously hilarious 😀
WHY?????!?????? Butbutbut…. Legolas is such a total bad a*s but you’re saying he’s girly now? He’s NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Legolas is NOT a gay/girly man! He is amazing and awesome. He is not a narcissist and I doubt he cares about whether he looks pretty or not.
He’s pretty without even trying. <3
Fangirling all the way, but… but…
But he's not like this! You CAN'T be like this, Legolas! That would be too cruel… it would crush all my fangirl daydreams. T-T
It was funny anyways, but still. :p
OMG I started laughing out loud at work reading this!!! I love me some Legolas but this is hilarious. lmfao
I feel like people exaggerated a bit about this insulting Legolas… I’m a die hard Legolas fan, and I thought this was hilarious.
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I think if Legolas read this, whoever wrote it would get more than just an arrow to the knee.
Finally people are coming to their senses!!! Legolas not a stuck up pretty boy!! Aragorn not into Frodo, and Nobody in the entire trilogy, Similarion, lost tales ect… Is gay!!