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suncrafter
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Post 45 Things Orcs Never Say
on: April 20, 2006 03:01


45 Things Orcs Never Say:
(From - http://www.orcmagazine.com )

The edge on this blade is too sharp!
Red wine with fried swamp rat!?! Are you mad!?!
Where is my hand lotion?
That's swell!
Too many animal skins detract from the decor.
I feel giggly.
I don't keep sharp objects in my house.
I've started a retirement fund.
Please explain the nuances between 'partly cloudy' and 'partly sunny'.
I already have enough swords at home.
Scotch tastes better with a twist of lemon.
He is wearing the same outfit as me... that *****!
No meat thank you, I'm a vegetarian.
Darn it!
Earl Grey tastes better unsweetened.
I feel bright and chipper this morning!
I need someone to open this jar of pickles for me.
I can't decide if I want my Giant Bark-Slug poached or broiled?
I'm on a low sodium diet.
Please don't make me use obscenities.
Hold me!
This axe is too big!
My fiancé is registered at Tiffany's.
Too many mounted animal heads detract from the decor.
Not all problems can be solved with violence.
I started a diary last night.
Be honest with me guys... does this chest-plate make my butt look big?
Checkmate.
Please trim the fat off my steak.
Where the hell did this pimple come from?
This part always makes me cry.
Shucks!
Where is the rendezvous point?
That's very unsanitary!
Do you have any Sweet and Lo?
And what can I do for you this fine day?
Spitting is such a nasty habit.
Stop waving those weapons in da air!... It just ain't safe.
I'll have the salad.
I'm over 30 years old.
My socks are very clean.
I can't eat that - too high in fat!
Guys, let's draw upon our feminine sides for a more intuitive solution to our differences.
I think we've killed enough things today.
Where is my teddy bear?


Can anyone think of some others I could add???
If so - please post them below!


UPDATE:
With the help of the nice people who emailed me thier ideas or posted them on this thread - I was able to come up with an ALL NEW list of "101 Things Orcs Never Say"! I've added the new list to my website here:
http://www.orcmagazine.com/ORC_MAGAZINE/101_Things_Orks_Never_Say.html

Thank you very much for helping. If you can think of any others to add, please post them below on this thread... I might be able to add them later.

[edit: to remove a word Thanks]

[Edited on 20/2/2007 by Rosearialelven]
MerryandPip
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Post RE: 45 Things Orcs Never Say
on: April 20, 2006 03:21
Loved it! I certainly got a laugh out of those!
Hristowen
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Post RE: 45 Things Orcs Never Say
on: April 20, 2006 05:18
Hahaha! I love them! How about, "Aww, what a pretty flower! I think I'll pick it for Saruman."
Josephine_jfh
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Post RE: 45 Things Orcs Never Say
on: April 21, 2006 03:43
I think Orcs would never say this:
"The sword is turning blue! Run for our lives!"
GOLOTR
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Post RE: 45 Things Orcs Never Say
on: April 21, 2006 03:39
Im a Pices, how about you?
No, that color does not look good with your complexion or body type!
What came first: the chicken or the egg?
Last night I had a Lean Cuisine Spa Meal!
Lady_Dreamer
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Post RE: 45 Things Orcs Never Say
on: April 21, 2006 03:45
That's really funny! An orc will also never say "I'm going to go brush my teeth now"
KeeperoftheHorses
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Post RE: 45 Things Orcs Never Say
on: April 22, 2006 03:08
*laughs* these are great
how bout "Mama? Is that you mama?"
Josephine_jfh
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Post RE: 45 Things Orcs Never Say
on: April 22, 2006 08:53
Although Orcs were Elves once before, they would never say this like their distant relatives:
"Where's my shampoo?"
GOLOTR
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Post RE: 45 Things Orcs Never Say
on: April 25, 2006 04:42
My that was some fine apple pie - right out of the oven and everything!
How is your grandma? She doing alright?
suncrafter
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Post RE: 45 Things Orcs Never Say
on: May 07, 2006 03:53
Thank you for the ideas. I'll get back to you when I have a new list.
newsgirl
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Post RE: 45 Things Orcs Never Say
on: May 10, 2006 12:10
How about this one: "Thank you!"
Lady~Tinuviel
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Post RE: 45 Things Orcs Never Say
on: May 13, 2006 08:06
Too funny. How about "does this armor make my butt look fat?"
Hristowen
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Post RE: 45 Things Orcs Never Say
on: May 15, 2006 06:09
Hahaha, this thread makes me laugh. I keep comin back for more. Here's one: Hey Shagrat, wanna hear a joke? Sauron walked into a bar. . . .
pitya
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Post RE: 45 Things Orcs Never Say
on: May 16, 2006 03:46
You're momma's so ugly...
Ever wonder if we were really meant to slaughter all these people?
I don't suppose you have that lavender soap I lent you last week?
We don't even have dental.
I heard you and my wife...
I'm starting this really great band.
Josephine_jfh
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Post RE: 45 Things Orcs Never Say
on: May 17, 2006 05:01
After the tragedy of Witchking of Angma, no Mordor creatures dare to say, "No man can kill me!"

And Orcs will never say, "Oh, I need to have a manicure."
GOLOTR
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Post RE: 45 Things Orcs Never Say
on: May 17, 2006 04:13
Who ate the cookies from the cookie jar? *random orc with mouth full of cookies* Not me

Where is my hairbrush?
Isnt that little hobbit soooo cute?
Is that blonde elf a girl or boy? (sorry all you OB lovers!!)
MerryandPip
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Post RE: 45 Things Orcs Never Say
on: May 18, 2006 10:35
*Laughs* That's OK, it was funny!
GOLOTR
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Post RE: 45 Things Orcs Never Say
on: May 18, 2006 11:41
I see a squirell!!! Oh!! Look at the cute, little, squirell!!

Someday I will be the president!

This haircut just isnt working out for me!

Yeah, shes going out with Jon but also going out with bobby while at the same time....
newsgirl
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Post RE: 45 Things Orcs Never Say
on: May 18, 2006 01:37
*to himself* (or her :rolleyes: ) "Heavens, I need a shave!"
Morwinyoniel
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Post RE: 45 Things Orcs Never Say
on: May 19, 2006 04:54
"You know, I've always said 'live and let live'."

"I'm afraid of the dark!"

"Yuck, this place smells stuffy - do you mind if I open the window?"
Josephine_jfh
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Post RE: 45 Things Orcs Never Say
on: May 19, 2006 08:44
Hey guys,
Do you think an Orc would say, "I am a LOTR fan?"
GOLOTR
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Post RE: 45 Things Orcs Never Say
on: May 20, 2006 11:44
I dont know Josephine_jfh!!! that would be funny if they did!

"Ok! Now I'm going to teach you a simple procedure called the Bend and Snap"

"I was up ALL night giving myself a facial, fixing my hairdo, tanning, whitening my teeth, and giving myself a manicure! Dont mess with me!!"
Josephine_jfh
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Post RE: 45 Things Orcs Never Say
on: May 20, 2006 08:51
"Ok! Now I'm going to teach you a simple procedure called the Bend and Snap"

Think about if Lurtz says this to Boromir...
GOLOTR
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Post RE: 45 Things Orcs Never Say
on: May 21, 2006 04:17
LOL!! scary thought! scary thought! oh boy - I can just see all those orcs when Sauraman is showing Wormtounge his thousands of minions practicing the bend and snap instead of looking tough!! funny!!
Hristowen
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Post RE: 45 Things Orcs Never Say
on: May 26, 2006 01:37
Picture it: the entire force of Isengard singing as they march, "I feel pretty, oh so pretty . . . ."

Or, the Orcs carrying Merry and Pippin singing, "We're off to see the wizard . . . ."
GOLOTR
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Post RE: 45 Things Orcs Never Say
on: May 26, 2006 03:53

Or, the Orcs carrying Merry and Pippin singing, "We're off to see the wizard . . . ."


haha!!!!! that is REALLY funny!! i love it!!

How about the orcs gathering around a fire - one of them is playing a guitar and all of them are singing campfire songs!!
MerryandPip
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Post RE: 45 Things Orcs Never Say
on: May 27, 2006 10:53
"Ok! Now I'm going to teach you a simple procedure called the Bend and Snap"


LOl...Gotta :heart: the Bend and Snap. I wonder what would happen if a Uruk-Hai broke Sauruman's nose?
Josephine_jfh
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Post RE: 45 Things Orcs Never Say
on: May 30, 2006 05:57
LOl...Gotta :heart: the Bend and Snap. I wonder what would happen if a Uruk-Hai broke Sauruman's nose?


Yeah...and asked him "Why is the rum gone?"

What if they asked Legolas, "You looks familiar. Have I threatened you before?"
Hristowen
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Post RE: 45 Things Orcs Never Say
on: May 30, 2006 10:40
Wow! I was quoted! Thanks, GOLOTR!
Yeah...and asked him "Why is the rum gone?"

Bahahahah! Love it!
GOLOTR
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Post RE: 45 Things Orcs Never Say
on: June 05, 2006 09:39


LOl...Gotta :heart: the Bend and Snap. I wonder what would happen if a Uruk-Hai broke Sauruman's nose?

LOL!!!!! VERY FUNNY!! i love it!

Random orc to another Random orc: Shagrat's outfit does not work out! Its hideous! But now his, yes i like his!

*Looking at himself in a mirror* Oh my that tummy roll has to go!
MerryandPip
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Post RE: 45 Things Orcs Never Say
on: June 05, 2006 10:49
*Looking at himself in a mirror* Oh my that tummy roll has to go!


HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

"Oh, my gosh, we're supposed to kill the halflings? But they're so adorable!!!"
Rulea
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Post RE: 45 Things Orcs Never Say
on: June 05, 2006 05:18
Why dose Aragorn look so dreamy in all that armor.?
Image
GOLOTR
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Post RE: 45 Things Orcs Never Say
on: June 08, 2006 08:57
Why dose Aragorn look so dreamy in all that armor.?

wow!!! that is really funny!!! nice one!!
"Oh cheese balls! I burned my spinach puffs!" - that was weird

*Shagrat to Random Orc, Shagrat is drooling* "wow...Sauraman is soo...um um FINE!! yummy yummy!"
MerryandPip
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Post RE: 45 Things Orcs Never Say
on: June 08, 2006 10:27
:twitch: *Laughs*
GOLOTR
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Post RE: 45 Things Orcs Never Say
on: June 14, 2006 12:24
"Oh man, "Its a Small World After All" is the best ride in the WHOLE Disney park!!"

I sure hope orcs never say that, if they do, they are increadably insane!! hehe!!
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