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| Rulea |
 RE: Beta-reading requests
on: June 18, 2006 11:53
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I need to know how this fanfic is, could some one please give reviews?
Ara
Prologue;
The History of Mora Forbona and it’s Rulers
South of the Shire and 30 miles from the sea-shore lies the Ranger state of Forba, its capital of Mora Forbona. It is fair, flat city that stretches for miles and the only city ruled by women. It was founded by Arnia, daugh-ter of a lowly Dunedin family of the North. She wanted more power for the dunedain women besides being bearers of children and toys of men. She wanted equality for them, even power to rule the divided Rangers, but the whole tribe thought her foolish and within a year’s times she was cast out of the tribe, along with fifty other followers to establish their own realm where women were supreme. After three years of wondering, Arnia and her fol-lowers established the city of Mora Forbona (which took nine years to build, with the help of dwarves from the Lonely and the women followers.) It was large city made up of stone and statues of famous women throughout the history of Middle Earth. It had three large plazas and three districts: The royal district where the palace sat along the Council House, and markets and shops, the Rich Women’s District were the nobility and the wealthy lived and the Poor Woman’s District where (obviously) the not-wealthy people lived.
Three years later, construction began on the coastal city of Morna, which was less elegant as its sister city, but made up for it as a profitable port city. The city’s founder, Arnia, became its first queen and she ruled for twenty-seven years. In her tenth year, she tried to ally Forba and Gonder together by (unsuccessfully) wedding the last King of Gonder. Unfortunately, he left her at the alter while he went off to battle the Witch King and Arnia was heart-broke. She later married a lowly Gondorian Lord together they had a daughter to continue the all-female line. The marriage was stormy and Arnia spent the remainder of her reign sick and lonely.
Arnia’s line remained pure, being that the crown was passed from mother until daughter when in 2975, the current queen’s son married a barmaid from Bree. There was much controversy about it, but the queen grew to love the barmaid (whose family ran the Prancing Pony in Bree) and upon the queen’s death, she made the barmaid, Roseberry, the next queen of Mora Forbona, thus removing her eldest daughter and Heir, Cira from the throne. Cira bears a grudge against the current queen and is plotting to murder her and her family to obtain the throne for her and her daughter Circe. We now begin with the Queen Roseberry and her struggle to get her unruly oldest daughter Raine to marry.
Part One
Mora Forbona, Middle Earth, 3000 T.A.
Chapter One
“Your highness.”
No answer.
“Lady Rain, Lady of the Rangers, Princess of Mora Forbona, Great Huntress of the Age, Second in line to the throne….” The servant was having no luck in rousing her mistress, Lady Raine, even rambling the her titles were no use, but she had to get her mistress up, it was urgent: Raine’s mother, the Queen Roseberry had found out her daughter had gone drinking with her soldier buddies and had come home late again…such unroyal behavior. The Lady’s sister Ara was better behaved and she was eight! Finally, she tried to get her mistress up one more time from the canopied bed: She dumped cold wash wa-ter on her, and it did the trick.
Raine nearly drowned in the cold water that was dumped on her. “Do you mind? I was trying to sleep! Do you know how much of a hangover I have?!’ She lashed at the servant, her bright red hair was plastered with wa-ter, and her gold-green eyes flashed fire. “Well, I’m sorry,” the servant replied tartly, “but the queen wishes to see you, immediately. And you should wear your morning dress when you see her, not your pajamas.” The servant added as she pointed at Raine’s wet pajamas green silk tunic over silk flared pants, and made a move to retrieve a white morning gown and gold and diamond studded tiara from the closet.
“I shall see her in whatever I like, even if I see her in a sack. Now put that silly gown and tiara away and hand me that white robe. That should look dressed up to mother.” Raine commanded in a lofty voice as the servant reluctantly put away the articles of clothing and gave her mistress what she asked: a delicate white robe with rubies and diamonds sewn on the back. “That should please her.” Raine twirled in front of her mirror and left the room, the servant following her like a dog with a tail between her legs. Raine walked out of the bedroom and through the maze of five private rooms that made up her apartment: the sitting room, the study, a small music room, and the ante-chamber where guests are received.
It took ten minutes for Raine to walk from her rooms on the third floor to walk through marble halls to one of her mother’s many studies, this one was on the first floor of the palace and it overlooked the massive garden from large windows. In front of the windows behind an intricate desk sat a middle-aged, lovely women with a crown of peacock feathers around her head, her red brown hair spilling out from underneath. On her lap sat an elegant child of eight with hair like her mother, but it appeared more brown then red. This was the Queen’s heir, Princess Ara of Mora Forbona, Lady of the Rangers and the queen’s beloved daughter for she wasn’t unruly and rebellious like her older sister, she was the opposite. Beside the Queen sat her husband, Arman-dus, an athletic type of man with shaggy black hair, a neatly trimmed beard and kind blue green eyes. Like his wife, he adored his younger daughter, but, secretly, he loved his eldest more because of her fiery spirit and her ability to avoid what her mother wanted her to be, like her mother did with Ara.
Raine came into the room, bare-foot and clad in her pajamas and an elegant white robe. “You wanted to see me, mother?” she asked in her lofty voice, failing to curtsey. This seemed to offend the queen, but she didn’t say anything, she just stood up and snapped her fingers, dismissing the whole room. Once everyone had left, she pointed to a comfortable chair in front of her desk and began to scream at Raine about dishonoring the family name, it’s time to grow up…the usual lecture she had always heard, but there was one thing her mother didn’t usually bring up: marriage. “You are three years past the age where our women are accustomed to marry, and it’s time you find a husband…girls your age are already having babies! Do you want that life?” Raine said nothing, she was thinking of the man that she had met in Gonder two years ago when she was visiting her uncle Denethor. He was from the North, one of those quiet Rangers who hunted evil things and protected a country of short people, habbits or hobbits…whatever they were called. His name wasHalbarad and he was tall and delicious looking with long black hair, kind grey eyes. When he spoke, it was thought-provoking and when he yelled, it was like the sound of waves crashing. He had dissuaded her not to marry her current betrothed, a cheating, wealthy merchant who only wanted to marry her to impress his friends. She was thankful and would have married him instead, but he was poor and not worthy for a princess. She thought of the last time they saw each other: She was boarding the royal barge for home, and he was seeing her off. There were tears in his eyes, but he held up well as they kissed goodbye, uncertain if they would ever see each other again….
“RAINE!” The Queen’s words ripped through her revere and she was sent back into the chair, facing her angry mother. “Yes”? Did you listen to a word I said?” “Not really, why?” “I’ll repeat myself: I’ve grown weary of having to remind you to marry, so I’ve taken the matter into my own hands… you will marry tomorrow at noon and there will be celebrating for an entire week. Today, you will meet your husband. He is a kind and generous man and has agreed to marry the “Wild Princess of the South” and tame the best he can. Today, you shall meet your betrothed and there will be a ball in honor of you two tonight. What do you think?” The queen asked, her anger giving way to hope, like the sun after a terrible storm. Anger flooded through Raine. How could her mother do this?! The only man she would ever marry was Beregond! She stood up shaking, and took off her robe. “I think this whole idea is like this robe…Stupid!” She screamed and ripped the robe in half, causing gems to fly everywhere.
The queen was not happy.
“STUPID GIRL! THAT ROBE COST ME HALF MY ALLOWANCE!” she tore the pieces out of Raines hand and slapped her so hard, Raine fell to the floor. “AS PUNISHMENT, YOU WILL MEET AND MARRY THE MAN. HOPE-FULLY YOU WILL GROW UP! I’m sorry.” She ran to her daughter and took her into her arms and both mother and daughter wept: Raine for marrying an unknown man and the Queen for forcing her daughter.
Chapter 2
Ara and her father were out in the garden, sailing leaf boats in the massive fountain, but they kept sinking whenever they floated under the gushing falls of the fountain. Father and daughter would laugh and gather more leaves, enjoying themselves in the summer morning. The fun was abruptly ruined when yelling could be heard from the palace. “Sounds like your sister really pulled your mother’s strings this time,” Aramandas said as he forced a weak ha-ha and gazed at the palace, “I hope you won’t be like her when you get older Ara. You’re our last hope for this line, and is you act like your sister, you’ll be a bad queen, and the people will want to throw you out and someone evil, like your aunt Circa, will come in and rule. By the way, here comes the old witch right now.” Ara said nothing. She had heard this speech before and now felt the old weight of it again. Why did papa hate her anyway? There was nothing wrong with her except she always dressed in black and red, her jewelry or belts had a white hand or a red eye on it, and she hated her mother for taking away HER Throne when grandmother died.
“Well, have you heard the wonderful news? That wild filly of a daughter of yours has been tamed, and no other then an arranged marriage! It makes me wonder how that is going to tame her, little brother, unless the man beats her into line, like a horse. Couldn’t your wife thought of a better punishment?” Circa’s loud, taunting voice ripped through the air, and all cheerfulness seemed to flee and a black shadow of gloom filled the place. Armandus and Ara watched with cast-down eyes as Aunt Circa and her silent daughter Circe appeared. “Well, aren’t you going to answer little brother, or have you gone soft too on that thing you call for a daughter?” She began again, stopping in front of them, tauntingly putting her hands on her hips. She was dressed in black and red, with red eyes and white hands embroi-dered on the neckline. “Mother, please.” Circe whispered as she pulled on her mother’s shoulder. Circa spun and slapped her daughter. “What did I say about touching me there?!” Her amber eyes deadly flashed, “No, we shan’t go until I give my brother his taunting for the day.” Armandas simply replied “You’re invited to the wedding.” Circa laughed, a high cold laugh, “What re-sponse is that little brother? Of course I’ll be there for the wedding, but I doubt there will be a bride!” She continued her laugh
as and Circe walked towards the palace. This couldn’t be good. Ara thought and she ran to warn her sister.
Raine sighed as she lied underneath the cool roof of the palace ve-randa, a cold compress pressed to her right cheek to ease the red mark her mother had rewarded her when she tore the robe. She was to pay for it to be repaired, and had earned another slap for being unruly. That was it. Slaps and I’m Sorrys for whenever you got punished. She wasn’t surprised with that kind punishment how unruly she had become and now her mother was trying to make up for it through a stupid arranged marriage…”Ugh!” “I…just…came…to…warn…you…that ...Aunt…plans…to…kill…you.” Ara panted. “Get off me! Raine yelled, shoving her sister on the ground, “and what do you mean Aunt plans to kill me? Don’t tell me she’s up to one of her ‘eliminate the Royal Family Plan’ is it?” Ara nodded. “You know she’s out to scare you.” Raine panicked. She wouldn’t really do it, would she?
“I’m sorry,” Ara whispered. “Its fine, I guess I’ll just avoid her...now what’s wrong?” “I don’t know, I guess it’s because you’re getting married. I don’t want to lose you…What if you move far away, and I never see you again?” Raine laughed and took her sister into her arms. “That’s what’s bug-ging you? Don’t worry; I’ll persuade my husband to stay around here, though I doubt we will be living in the palace. I think we shall move to a country es-tate outside the city, and if you want, you can come and live with me and find yourself, though I doubt mother and father will let you. I guess that’s because they don’t trust you with me…probably because some of my unruliness will rub off on you!” Ara laughed and the two hugged, feeling closer then ever. They suddenly broke apart when a sudden bell rang, signaling for Raine to come to her apartments and get ready to meet her betrothed. “I’ll race you to my apartments!” Raine cheerfully said as she jumped from the sofa. “HEY! NO FAIR!” Ara yelled as she ran after her sister, but she was no match for Raine’s athletic, long legs.
When they reached the apartments, they were met by the Queen and her entourage of Ladies In Waiting and maids in the sitting room, all formerly dressed. “Come, Raine! You’re to meet your betrothed in one hour and you’re not even dressed properly! Please don’t me tell you’re wearing-“ “I’ll find something formal-“ “And green, it’s your royal color, you know, a reminder of you’re second in line for the throne..” “But also, the color of the peacock, our flag symbol.” “Right, Raine, now get ready!” The Queen said hurriedly, pushing Raine into her room.
“Not that one, it makes you look fat.”
“Not that one either, you like more common then royalty.”
“Perfect!”
It took half of Raine’s collection of formal dresses to please her mother, and it was the last dress that did it. It was a rich peacock green brocade with long, flowing sleeves, with a leaf print. The neckline was low and square and it was sewn with silver thread and it had the leaf pattern. Her adornments were a silver and emerald belt, an emerald necklace, and a heavy diadem that had a veil made out of intricate silver, diamonds, and emeralds. The whole attire was hot, heavy, and uncomfortable, but it suited the Queen. “Oh, you look so beautiful Raine; you’ll stop your betrothed right in his tracks!,” the Queen was smiling radiantly as she hugged her daughter, tears were pouring down her cheek. “Really mother, it’s not a big dea-“A sudden hush fell over the room as Circa and Circe entered the room. “I see we are playing dress-up Roseberry, tell me did you or Raine pick out that dress, it looks revolting on her…but I didn’t come here to insult,” she smiled mysteriously, something was odd…”I came here to bring you a cup of wine, it should relax you, it’s not poisoned. I even had my servant taste it.” She smiled sweetly, making her look revoltingly sour. Raine said nothing, but hesitantly took the cup and drank it. It tasted funny, almost as if someone had put altheas in it and everyone knew eating or mixing athleas with drink meant death. But she drank it any way. “How do you feel, Raine?” “I feel, the same.” Raine replied, looking at her aunt as if she had told her the wine was laced with poison. “Well, you’ll feel a little different…” “Mother!” Circe hissed, “You’re giving your plot away!” and she hurried her out the door. “Now they know and we’ll be executed! You know it’s a crime to murder a royal family member?” Circe moaned once they were safely out of the sitting room.
“You know I can’t keep plots under wraps, I have to hint it until they figure it out… besides, Raine should be dead at the ceremony at noon, then we go for the queen…” “Mother that is the stupidest plot ever! You murder the queen that causes the whole country to fall chaos, because the rest of the family is falling over themselves on who should rule the throne, and then you kill the rest of the family, until you are the only one left to rule. YOU SHOULD HAVE GIVEN THE POISENED CUP TO AUNT ROSEBERRY, NOT RAINE!” she screamed, shaking her mother. “Why didn’t I think of it before? Besides, I’ll get my chance tonight at the ball…” and Circa began to laugh evilly. “What have I done? I have sentenced the whole family to death.” Circe murmured, and she saw a vision of what was to come: Murders of innocent people, most of them from the House of Arnia, chaos and fire, and more horrifying, an evil alliance with the Dark Lord Sauron and her father, Saruman the White.
Ch. 3
Circa wasn’t always nasty. Before Roseberry came to the throne, she was as decent as the rest of us, but she had an unhappy childhood. She was the third oldest and the second oldest girl. Her oldest sister, Marta, died as a toddler and the Queen mourned her loss till the day she died. Circa tried to please her mother by becoming the best in everything, but her being the best didn’t suit the Queen. Upset, Circa left Mora Forbona at age 19 and she traveled around Middle-Earth, staying with her Uncle Ecthelion for awhile then moving South and North, but she was never happy: the fact of never being accepted and loved by her mother caused her to be bitter and insecure, until she met Saruman the White.
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| Tathiel_Lossëhelin |
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| Fellowship |
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| LostInArda |
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| Fellowship |
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| Elioclya |
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Author
Oh, I just don't do slash for the LotR world. *shakes head* Or smut but I don't think we have to worry about that.... 
I don't want to come off that way, it's just...well, you guys know, don't you? The story is a little dark, well, can be very dark, but has major romance coming, but, no slash/profanity/explicit content/ or anything like that...
Looking for a spell and grammar checker, and just a general humour checker. Anyone who wants to help me out, P.M me!
. There's none of that in my story. Besides, it has Eowyn/Faramir and Elrond's sons in it... 
