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on: June 25, 2014 07:28
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((Joint post with Dinen ))
Nothing had been the same, everything seemed broken as they traveled southward. Her inclination to speak had dwindled, in fact there seemed to be whole days where she spoke not at all, not even to Idhren or Sirion, who had taken to either hovering just out of her range of immediate reach or retreating to the opposite edge of the party from wherever Thane was.
The arrival of the scouts was a welcome reprieve, brief though it was. After Idhren’s initial bout of joy at being reunited with her friends, the somber miasma that had permeated the fellowship seemed to infect even the new-comers to such an extent as to give them the postures of ones who had been along for the entirety of the venture.
But with the valley now in sight, steps were a bit lighter if for no other reason than to see this deed through to it utmost fulfillment. Mithennor hesitated a moment as she crested a ridge, watching her compatriots, those she had come to know and to trust... love even, she looked away for a moment. She approached her friend slowly, meaning to just lay her head upon Idhren’s shoulder but a gnawing feeling had supplanted her initial urge to silence and prompted her to speech-
“I do not know from where, but I feel the need to apologize”
Lost in her own thoughts and conscious to nothing but the deep cleft of the riven dell which grew in her sight, Idhren snapped from her reverie and creased her brows in question.
“if nothing else, I am sorry to have disturbed your thoughts” she tried to make light of the situation, but it was less than effective.
Idhren turned her gaze to her friend. Mithennor looked to have lost some of the light in her eyes, as had they all. And Idhren felt that she was partially to blame, having little will to ease their spirits or raise their morale where she had been their light-hearted companion even in the midst of darkness. “Mithennor, my friend, please do not apologize. For you have been a truer friend than any other as we walked this wretched path. But come, what is wrong? Something must be amiss.”
“that perhaps there was more I should have done, or should not have done... that I, without any intentions, have ruined a friendship that when first we set out I thought was unsunderable...” she trailed off and her eyes went from one to the other, she sighed, still watching Thane before turning her gaze elsewhere and her voice dropping “I never meant to hurt him, and I cannot name when or what I may have done...” she left the rest of that unsaid. Truthfully, she could not identify when she may have started to garner Sirion’s affections as well. Never had she before entertained the idea of perhaps finding such affection and attachment to such an extent that she had deliberately rebuffed any early inclinations. But now?
“Do you still not know which in your heart to choose?” the elleth asked, reading through Mithennor’s thoughts like a book.
“saying it like that... it almost sounds as if I had orchestrated this whole debacle. If I were to go with my inclinations when this fellowship first started, I’d say neither and keep to starlit solitary paths. But...I think, my feet may seek adventure more lightly if my heart were to be entrusted to someone less likely to break it and then mend it with wine.” and here she paused again as a small revelation dawned “it... is not that I do not care for Thane, indeed I’d say that I do love him, but I love him not as he wants, and I love him more the way one might love something broken and see the potential. And that... that is not something either of us could live with”
“Wisely said, mellon. I do not think anyone will make Thane happy, least of all him. But that is not to say he is beyond all help.” Idhren considered her as they walked slowly down the sloping paths back to their beginning. Mithennor’s musings stirred something in Idhren’s heart: Lindir. She caught herself stealing a glance in his direction, but it was as if an iron cage had formed around her heart. Not weeks ago had she reveled in the ellon’s company, speaking of the future in great halcyonic terms. But now...now… “Mithennor, how were you able to endure the torments of the heart on our journey?”
The question was not anticipated, for most of the journey it had seemed as though Idhren and Lindir had been mutually drawn to one another, and while there had been much strife, Mithennor had thought that their union would persevere. Her brows creased as she cast quick glances at the ellons with which they had traveled before returning her attention to the elleth;
“I am not so sure that I did...” she sighed “back when first we made camp with the Dúnedain, when you left the campfire with Lindir, I had made a toast with both Thane and Sirion in honor of ‘silver tongued ellons’, and that I may kept safe from such. I would not think that I was successful in such. What ails you in those matters?”
"Perhaps it is the dreaded ice crystal which has been our bane for the length of our journey, but I find myself questioning if what passed between Lindir and I was a result of circumstance and convenience over true mutual affection." Shadows clouded Idhren's face though she felt relieved to share her thoughts with Mithennor. "That being said, I cannot be certain if Lindir will remain in Arda or travel to the Undying Lands when our mission is complete. For though I know my fate, I do not think ours will entwine."
Mithennor took Idhren’s hand within her own and held it fast. She felt sorrow, sorrow for a great many things, but no small amount for her friend’s loss. All were silent as they finished the descent into the valley, where upon they were told, and not unkindly, that they were to meet with Lord Elrond in his council chamber.
Ragged, worn, and aching, the ellons and elleths made their way to the peredhil's council chamber. Elrond greeted them somberly. "Welcome back to Imladris, my friends. You will take your ease shortly, but I must see the stone safely in my hands before you can do so." He bowed his head respectfully before casting his kind but piercing gaze to each companion in turn.
Idhren tentatively removed the glassy stone from its shelter at her side. She stepped across the oaken-paneled floor to Elrond and placed the stone in his slender hands. "Here is the stone, my lord," the elleth said quietly, her voice barely above a whisper. Some internal feeling tugged at her, a malicious, belligerent emotion that felt like pure evil. Idhren quickly removed her hands from the stone as if it were made of fire. "Lord Elrond, may I speak to you at the present? I do not care to wait until I am rested to spin the yarn."
Mithennor was second to last to enter and had a hard time meeting Elrond’s gaze at first, and he had to raise her face to meet his. As he did so their eyes met- he nodded almost imperceptibly and Mithennor knew that somehow, in much the same way that her Lady would know, that he understood.Idhren approached and spoke, finally handing over the palantir, Mithennor leaned against the wall as opposed to taking a seat. As tired as she was, her thoughts roiled in her head and heart, and she knew that as soon as she was allowed to collapse, there would be no rousing her. Idhren began to speak, and Mithennor nodded when appropriate, staying mostly silent. Not too long into the tale, however, Sirion took up a spot against the wall as close as he could without seeming presumptuous. Without looking backward, she took a step and slowly leaned into him. He almost seemed startled, but then moved ever so slightly to better accommodate her presence.
Lindir spoke as well, for a good measure, but Idhren seemed to have a difficult time tolerating it when he did so, and her heart ached for her friend. She looked over to the far side of the room where Thane sat, trying his best to ignore all (seemingly with success). When at last Elrond dismissed them to the baths and the healers, Thane was the first one out. Mithennor stayed with Sirion like for a moment more before they broke apart slowly. She gave him a brief kiss upon his cheek “I will see you soon. Go, take your ease, and perhaps visit your forge” and with the she she left to be tended to, and then seek a bed.
Idhrenniel waited until all others vacated the room, but Lindir lingered. Idhren did not know if he waited for a word alone or for her, but she steadfastly ignored him. "My lord, may I have a moment...alone?" She emphasized this last word, and Lindir left the room.
Elrond and Idhren spoke at great length, and the elleth explained her final plans. With great hesitation, Elrond agreed to Idhren's proposal. He slid his hand under her chin and said gently, "You are a brave and wise fool, Idhrenniel, but I will not deny you. The deed must be done, and perhaps you are the best fool for such a task. Now, go rest and find the light. Your heart has been heavy for too long, and you need more food and cheer and song to make you merry." With that, Idhren bowed and took her leave of Elrond. Now that she had her next move planned, it was as if a weight had been lifted from her burdened chest.
Mon coeur est genre, mais je suis un monster.
(My heart is kind, but I am a monster.)
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