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newsgirl

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RE: LOTR jokes
on: July 01, 2005 10:42

OK, [/b]finally[b] here is my joke...

A group of blonde elves (who weren’t very elf-like, they were very mean) were listening in at the Council of Elrond. When they found out Frodo was going to take the ring to mordor, they got jealous, because they thought he was going to do it just because he wanted to be famous. So, when the Fellowship was getting ready to leave, the group rushed off and were soon in Osgiliath before Frodo and Sam got there. Their plan was to get to mount doom, and when the Fellowship (they didn’t know it was just Sam and Frodo) came they would steal the Ring from Frodo and throw it in the fire themselves.
Moving on, the elves were taking a break in Osgiliath, and after a while one of the elves said,
“ok, where do we go from now?” “Let’s see," said another elf, unrolling their map. “We can go north from here, and keep going, until we see a large boulder. We turn from there and go straight from here... I heard someone say there was a sign pointing the way somewhere if we get lost.” So the elves went on their way. Sure enough, they came upon a sign. It said:
‘Mordor, left’.

The elves felt defeated. They went back home.

It will take a few seconds for you to get it.

[Edited on 1/7/2005 by newsgirl]

ABagginsOfTheShire

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RE: LOTR jokes
on: July 01, 2005 02:35

Nah, I got oit instantly, it was funny!

It's like the joke:
3 Blondes were driving down the road, to go to Disneyland. the came across a sign that said, "Disneyland - left." SO they went back home.

newsgirl

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RE: LOTR jokes
on: July 01, 2005 02:58

Yep, that's the one- except the LotR-ized one is much, much longer! :rolleyes:

MerryandPip

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RE: LOTR jokes
on: July 06, 2005 07:17

Shoot. I don't get it.

Alkin

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RE: LOTR jokes
on: July 06, 2005 09:34

I have one
Why didn't Frodo get married??

Because he threw away the ring!!!

ABagginsOfTheShire

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RE: LOTR jokes
on: July 07, 2005 11:57

Why didn't Frodo get married??

Because he threw away the ring!!!

Did you get that from the arwen-undomiel obsession test?

Shoot. I don't get it.

"Mordor, left." It obviously means that Mordor is on the left side, but the elves interpret it as Mordor has left, as in it's gone... so they go home. Get it?

MerryandPip

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RE: LOTR jokes
on: July 08, 2005 03:42

Sort of....I can be so dense sometimes...

newsgirl

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RE: LOTR jokes
on: July 08, 2005 11:26

*lol!!* merryandpip, I don't know why, but you just made me laugh...

Need.... jokes.... come on folks! I need to be amused!

MerryandPip

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RE: LOTR jokes
on: July 09, 2005 03:01

*lol!!* merryandpip, I don't know why, but you just made me laugh...

**Grins**

That's me, the court jester, lol! Sorry, but I've told all of the LOTR jokes I know.

Josephine_jfh

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RE: LOTR jokes
on: July 17, 2005 06:33

It's "shall not pass" not "cannot pass" in the movies.

Sorry! I watched DVD again and get it. In that scene, Gandalf's first line was exactly "You can not pass." But when he smashed the bridge, he said "You...shall not...pass!"

GOLOTR

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RE: LOTR jokes
on: April 27, 2006 12:12

found sum good ones!!!!!
Frodo and Sam are in Lothlorien at night, just about to go to sleep. Suddenly, Frodo turns to Sam and says- "Sam, look up. What do you see?"
Sam thinks for a moment, then turns to Frodo and says-
"Master, I see the stars in the heavens. They seem to be a never-ending map of heavens. They are infinite, shrouded in mystery, beautiful and amazing to behold, and far too complex for a young hobbit such as myself to fully comprehend.
And Frodo replies- "Sam, you fool, someone stole our tent!!

"This is my friend, Gimli" - Legolas introduced the dwarf to Treebeard.
Treebeard looked at Gimli's axe suspiciously.
"And his axe is not for trees." - Legolas continued. "He chops the orc's heads off with it.."
"Hum, rurum..Really?! - Treebeard said in relief.
"Really!" - said Gimli. "For trees I've got a saw..."

Merry and Pippin are at night-camp. Merry comes back from the dark forest and finds Pippin tied up to a tree. A bunch of orcs are sitting by the fire. Merry stops- "Pip, what the mushrooms is going on here? All I said was that I'll be right back, stay tight, clean and pile our plates and forks.."
Pippin looks uo, quite happy and answers-
"OH! That's it! I thought you said I'll be right back, meanwhile invite our mates the orcs

oh these ar GREAT ONES!!!!!!! i am laughing so hard!!! i feel sad i cant think of any good ones... :cry:

Captain_General_Boromir

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RE: LOTR jokes
on: June 19, 2006 09:53

I hope this wasnt said already but.....

One day an Orc general and his army are marching to Rivendell when they come upon some old ruins. An elf shouts over the wall, "One elf can beat 10 orcs." So the orc general sends over 10 of his best soldiers. A fierce battle sounds and the elf begins to laugh and says, "One elf can beat 100 orcs!" So the orc general sends over 100 orcs and waits. A fierce battle sounds and the elf begins laughing again and says, "One elf can beat 1000 orcs!" In anger the orc general sends over all of his remaining forces and a fiecre battle sounds. After a while an injured orc crawls back over the wall and lays down in front of the general.
"What happened?"
"It was an ambush! There were TWO elves!"

9digithobbit

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RE: LOTR jokes
on: June 26, 2006 09:11

Here's some Middle-earth lightbulb jokes I came up with in the middle of the night a few months ago. Hopefully these are funny.

How many Stewards does it take to change a lightbulb?
It only takes one, but no matter how well he does it, someone will say that a King could do it better.

How many descendants of Elendil does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but they’ll leave it broken for a few thousand years first.

How many Istari does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five, although only one actually does any work. One chats it up with some birds, another tries to steal the lightbulb, and two wander off to Eru-knows-where while they wait.

How many Elronds does it take to change a lightbulb?
Elronds don’t change lightbulbs. They tell other people to do it.

How many Balrogs does it take to change a lightbulb?
Balrogs don’t change lightbulbs! Yes they do! No they don’t! Yes they do! No they don’t! Yes they do! ARRGH!

How many Dwarves does it take to change a lightbulb?
One can do it, but in the old days thousands of Dwarves would change thousands of lightbulbs in Khazad-dûm!

How many Turin Turambars does it take to change a lightbulb?
You don’t want a Turin to change your lightbulbs. You really really don’t.

How many Eowyns does it take to change a lightbulb?
Eowyns might say they will change lightbulbs, but they won’t. What honor is there in changing lightbulbs?

How many Denethors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Denethors don’t wish to change lightbulbs, they wish to have the same lightbulbs as there were all the days of their lives.

How many Faramirs does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but hundreds of fangirls will come watch him do it, in case there be angst.

How many Peter Jacksons does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but you won’t like how he changes it, and pretty soon you’ll wish you could get the old bulb back.

How many 10th walker Sues does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. All she has to do is hold the lightbulb up, and Middle-earth revolves around her.

[Edited on 27/6/2006 by 9digithobbit]

Rulea

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RE: LOTR jokes
on: June 30, 2006 01:06

I found this one on the onering.net and it's funny!

Why did Beren cross the road?
To get to the second hand shop! :disco:

GreenLeafGurl

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RE: LOTR jokes
on: July 02, 2006 04:08

How many descendants of Elendil does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but they’ll leave it broken for a few thousand years first.

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've never seen that before! Genius! Pure genius!

Why did Beren cross the road?
To get to the second hand shop!

LOVE that one! It's my favorite joke in the world!

newsgirl

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RE: LOTR jokes
on: July 03, 2006 01:42

Heehee

Good ones. Did you see my 'lightbulb' joke?

How many elves does it take to change a lightbulb?

None! They don't have[i][/i] lightbulbs in Middle-earth!

Lame, very very lame

9digithobbit

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RE: LOTR jokes
on: July 08, 2006 06:44

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've never seen that before! Genius! Pure genius!

*bows* Thanks!

And newsgirl... I wouldn't say it's so lame. I also came up with that one when I was making my list, so I would just say great comedic minds think alike... or something like that.

newsgirl

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RE: LOTR jokes
on: October 09, 2006 09:23

Thought I would bring this thread back up, it always gave me a laugh! Need...more jokes!!!

IthilionofMirkwood

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RE: LOTR jokes
on: February 19, 2007 12:04

how do you flirt with one of the Nine Riders?

say "what's a Nazgul like you doing in a place like this?"

credit goe to someone on greenbooks.theonering.net for that one (not sur who though)

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RE: LOTR jokes
on: February 19, 2007 12:37

Lol!! 'Nazgul' .... 'nice girl'. Very good, hehehehe, I like a play one words. Made me giggle.

Thanks Ithilion

IthilionofMirkwood

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RE: LOTR jokes
on: February 19, 2007 08:24

you're welcome, but i didn't make it up, i just posted it. half the crdit goes to the author

Michaela

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RE: LOTR jokes
on: February 20, 2007 03:24

Nice jokes. The "Someone has stolen our tent!" joke appears not to be my friend's creation, how sad. She introduced it to me in a different context ("Sherlock Holmes and Watson go camping...") and up til now I'd never seen the "Frodo and Sam are in Lorien..." version.

This is really stupid, but,

"How many Faramirs does it take to change a lightbulb?"
"One, but first Boromir will tell him it's too dangerous, demand the mission for himself, get it (being the favorite, after all) and promptly get himself electrocuted."

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RE: LOTR jokes
on: February 21, 2007 03:01

:wave: Hi Michaela, good to see you are finding your way around.

I've seen the Sherlock Holmes version too.

I like your Faramir/Light bulb joke. Sums up Boromir doesn't it.

Michaela

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RE: LOTR jokes
on: February 22, 2007 04:16

I like your Faramir/Light bulb joke. Sums up Boromir doesn't it.

Yep, pretty much.

Jake: "Why do you have an obsession with Lord of the Rings, Michaela?"
Michaela (Me): "Because it's hobbit-forming."

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RE: LOTR jokes
on: February 23, 2007 12:28

I'm at work and people are wondering why I am giggling. Tickled me that did. Did that sound like Yoda. Lol!!

cirdaneth

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RE: LOTR jokes
on: February 23, 2007 12:50

Headline from the "Bree Bugle"

"Ringwraiths charged with Matress-cide"

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RE: LOTR jokes
on: February 23, 2007 01:32

Stop it!! Rofl!! I'll get fired. Lol!!

Michaela

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RE: LOTR jokes
on: February 23, 2007 12:19

Headline from the "Bree Bugle"

"Ringwraiths charged with Matress-cide"

*groans* TOO funny!

Legolas: "I go to find the sun!" *prances off happily*
Boromir and Aragorn look up from plowing their way through the snow.
Aragorn: *whispers to Boromir* Should we tell him that he's going the wrong way?

Q: If you lose your heroic elf-lord, what should you use to find it again?
A: A Glorfinder. (Boy, the movies could have used one of those...)

[Edited on 23/2/2007 by Michaela]

Sirithros_Lirenel

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RE: LOTR jokes
on: February 24, 2007 04:49

*dies laughing* I can't believe I haven't checked this thread out before! xD I especially liked the lightbulb jokes.

How many Turin Turambars does it take to change a lightbulb?
You don’t want a Turin to change your lightbulbs. You really really don’t.

How many 10th walker Sues does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. All she has to do is hold the lightbulb up, and Middle-earth revolves around her.

Some really lousy puns from class today:

"An elf walked into a bar...

...The dwarf walked under it."

"For a couple of nights I kep dreaming that I was the one who wrote Lord of the Rings, but then I found out I was just Tolkien in my sleep."

[Edited on 27/2/2007 by Sirithros_Lirenel]

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RE: LOTR jokes
on: February 25, 2007 12:48

>

[Edited on 28/2/2007 by Rosearialelven]

Michaela

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RE: LOTR jokes
on: February 27, 2007 05:03

Some really lousy puns from class today:

"An elf walked into a bar...

...The dwarf walked under it."

"For a couple of nights I kep dreaming that I was the one who wrote Lord of the Rings, but then I found out I was just Tolkien in my sleep."

*groans*

From my "Ways to Annoy People Who Don't Like LOTR" list:

"12. Tell them they're acting like Denethor. (Author's note: BURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRN!)"

newsgirl

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RE: LOTR jokes
on: February 28, 2007 01:22